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DISCLAIMER: We understand that medical intervention is truly needed at times, and we are thankful for it. In no way do we believe that women should never have c-sections or never have epidurals. There is a time and a place for such things. Our core belief is that birth is a natural process and is over medicalized in the culture we live in. We want you to take back control of your births, make informed decisions, and be empowered by your birth experience, not traumatized. We truly believe that Mamas know best and desire you to be educated and fully informed about the decisions you make so you can make the best one for yourself and baby. However there is absolutely NO SHAME in whatever beautiful birth experience you have!

-Anna and Tori

Techniques for Pain Management

Going into a natural birth with all the possible pain management techniques in mind is so beneficial! Let’s put it this way, you are here to get a job done. If a plumber or electrician came to your home to accomplish a job but had no tools- no job would be getting done.

In other words, it’s time to load up your tool belt ladies!!

That’s exactly what this post is meant to do for you. To give you all the tools you need to get this incredible, hard, and beautiful job DONE!

Breathing Techniques

Your breathing is one of the key necessities to having a natural, unmediated birth experience. Every breath you take sends more oxygen to your baby. Every breath helps your body bring this baby down and out.

You want to be breathing down. Helping your body get baby in position. A low moaning can help with breathing and managing each surge. Low tones have been proven to help relax the pelvic floor. This is going to sound funny but making a low toned “moooooooo” will help you achieve this. Philip (Anna’s husband) stood behind me often in labor low tone mooing like a cow to remind me to breathe down. It offered comedic relief as well as productivity as I helped baby engage.

Practice your breathing techniques before you go into labor. Laboring is a marathon, and to be successful, you need to train for it. It may feel silly practicing them at home before labor, but besides counter pressure, this was my biggest help during labor.

-Anna

There are many videos you can look up on how to practice breathing. Do not overthink it, the main thing is to just make sure you ARE breathing. When you are in pain it is normal to hold your breath- but holding your breath also means you are not relaxed. Think of getting burned by your curling iron or oven. First you hold your breath and then everything in you tenses.

Another thing to keep in mind is to take deep/full breaths. During transition (the last leg of your labor journey) you will find it very difficult to keep a good, steady rhythm with your breathing. I (Tori) actually went completely numb in my arms and face because I started breathing too quickly and shallow.

You may find yourself in early labor thinking, “I’ve so got this!!” when it comes to breathing well. Just remember that towards the end it will likely change. This just means you are getting that much closer- keep breathing!

Relaxation

Along with breathing this is likely the biggest key to making it through unmediated birth. You can also find ways to practice this BEFORE you are actually in labor. I highly recommend the BRADLEY method when it comes to learning how to fully relax your body (you can find a link to the book in the list of things to purchase for an unmediated birth).

Whatever position you choose to labor in, always think “head to toe”. Start at the top of your head and physically, consciously relax every muscle in your body. Forehead, eyebrows, mouth, jaw, shoulders, etc.

Not only does this help everything to stay relaxed but it also gives your mind something to focus on other than the pain which ultimately helps KEEP you relaxed.

Open mouth breathing. Your jaw affects your pelvic floor, so a tight jaw means a tight pelvic floor, which means more difficult delivery. Keep your body open and relaxed as you progress. Envision your baby engaging into your pelvis and how your body can support that.

-Anna

Meditation and Affirmation

Meditation and affirmation are a great way to distract your mind during labor. People do this many different ways. Some ways I (Tori) have implemented this during my labors are…

• Meditating on Scripture.
• Imagine myself somewhere else. (A field of flowers, swimming, just let my mind drift.)
• Reminding myself that, “My body was made to do this.”
• Envisioning each part of labor- what my body was doing, what my baby was doing, how our bodies were working together. This takes effort on your part to LEARN these things!

Stay Hydrated

This may sound silly but staying hydrated really does help on so many levels. The last thing you may feel like doing during labor is drinking a lot of water. However, keep these facts in mind…

• Water delivers tons of oxygen to your body to keep up good blood flow which is super important for you and your baby during labor.
• You are running a marathon! You have to give your body fuel to keep going.
• Water will make you need to pee. Duh, Tori!! But really, the midwives call the toilet the “dilation station”. Sitting in a squatted position, like on the toilet, opens your pelvis up to 30% wider! This can cause some intense contractions so be prepared. However, if things begin to slow in your labor or stop progressing ask your doctor to give you an extra hour and some water before trying any med interventions, it might just work!

Water

Along with drinking water, you may also want to consider getting in the water if you are physically able to do so. Water has provided me SO MUCH relief with both of my labors!

With my first I desperately needed some relief mid-labor. As mentioned before I lost control of my breathing and began to feel very numb, dizzy, and just super exhausted. I was dilated at a seven and not progressing much. I was getting discouraged. Long story short, a good, hot shower was just the thing to give me that extra boost of energy I needed to make it through!

My second baby I started and ended my labor soaking in a nice, warm bath tub/birth tub!

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Counter Pressure

This is another great option that really gets your birth partner involved. During a contraction when things start to really “pressure up” on the inside it can be so relieving when pressure is places on the outside! Have your husband/support person or a nurse gently but firmly press into your lower back by squeezing your hips on either side (there are a lot of how-to videos out there if you are confused!).

Counter pressure was the absolute best! It helped dull my contractions so much!

Anna

Counter pressure can also be done with tennis balls or a massage gun.

My (Tori) husband also helps by holding me from behind, placing pressure on the lower front of my abdomen, right around my pelvic area. This gives great support and relief!

I find that counter pressure works really well in early/mid labor for me but something switches during transition and it is no longer helpful. You may want to prepare yourself (and support person) for this! Make sure you communicate when it is no longer helpful to you.

Heat

This one may seem a bit odd but hear me out! I (Tori) had back labor with both babies which feels a lot like period cramps I would get as a teen. My mom would always bring me a heating pad to lay on and it helped tons!

Fast forward to years later laying in the hospital bed, halfway through labor and the resemblance to the period back pain hit me. I asked the next nurse that came to check in if they had a heating pad and they did! It was a great relief to have during labor as well as for after when my tired muscles were recovering.

Things that Help Manage Pain

We both highly recommend having a lot of tools in your belt- mental tools and physical ones! We compiled a list of things (tools) we brought/used during labor to help us manage pain…

• Birth class. Not just the one provided by your OB or hospital! If you want a natural, unmedicated birth knowledge is your best friend!! Find a birth class that is designed specifically to help you navigate the challenges of natural birth.

There are plenty of videos you can watch or books you can read, but I highly and, I mean, highly recommend purchasing a birth class for you and your husband. Look around and find one that will support what you’re desiring out of your birth. My husband desperately wanted to help me and was so happy to take a course with me to learn what he could do during labor. We practiced laboring positions, counter pressure, and all the ways he could support me. We absolutely felt silly doing them in our home and laughed our way through a lot of the labor positions. It was fun, really. In doing this before, though, when the time came, we knew exactly what we could do. Being informed is your greatest tool to natural birth success.

-Anna

• Bradley Method book. I (Tori) have not found any resources that have helped me as much as this book has when it comes to teaching my body to relax during labor. The visual aid it gives on what is happening during labor is also a GREAT resource! Click here to purchase.
• Heating pad.
• Labor comb. This was one of my (Anna) favorite tools during labor. I found it extremely helpful to help distract my mind during my more intense surges. I purchased a specific “labor comb,” but any comb will work. I do suggest it be wooden, though. The infant hair care set I had purchased included one very similar that I could have used.
• Birthing ball/peanut ball. I (Anna) used the birthing ball that the hospital provided for me. One thing to consider is if you’re short like I am, the one at the hospital (if they provide one) may be too large for you. I would suggest bringing your own and leaving it in the car. Just in case you needed it.
• Massage gun/tennis balls for counter pressure. I (Anna) used the massage gun for a very brief time, but it was nice during some of the milder surges to use on my upper back to distract from what I was feeling in my lower back. I tried tennis balls as well and personally didn’t prefer it as much as counter pressure/other labor techniques, but for a few dollars and an old sock, it was worth bringing to try. I will still bring it for my next labor because each labor can be so different.
• Essential oils and diffuser. Scents can really set the mood and help your mind/body navigate labor. You will want to bring calming oils like lavendar and frankincense. Another good one to bring is some kind of citrus (like orange) that can provide a little burst of energy for that last stretch of labor.

Mindsets for a Successful Natural Birth Experience

If we are being honest, none of the things we talked about so far in this post matter if your mindset is not what it should be when it comes to wanting an unmedicated birth. Mindset is not just the key- it is the car that gets you there! Your mindset is everything.

Labor is almost one hundred percent a mind battle. Train your mind, and spend time readying yourself for the journey. You can absolutely do this. You were created to do this. You are stronger than you think you are. The Lord equipped you with everything you need to bring this baby into the world.

Anna

Here are a few things that helped shape our mindset….

This pain is different. It is productive. Think of the worst pain you have ever gone through. Maybe it was breaking a bone, getting a bad burn, tearing a muscle. The world would try to make you believe that having a baby is a thousand times more painful than these experiences. I am here to tell you it just is not the same! All of this “pain” you feel is here to bring you the most wonderful thing! Every contraction brings your baby closer to you. Every push means you are one step closer to meeting your baby!

Don’t think of it as pain. Rewire your mind to say “surges, waves, intensity, pressure, etc.” It is not pain. This is not a torture to endure to the end so you can get your prize. You are going on a journey with your baby. You are going into the forests of labor, and you’re going to bring your baby back with you when you return.

Birth is an empowering experience. Train your mind. You don’t have to buy into a culture that says it’s something that should be numbed. It’s an essential part of your journey into motherhood, in my opinion.

Anna

Your body is working for you. This was an essential part of developing my entire mindset around unmedicated birth. The fact that every part of my body and my baby’s body is designed- ON PURPOSE -for me to do this is mind blowing! Your body was made to do this.

Research what truly happens during birth from natural minded professionals. Watch how your body and baby will work together. It’s absolutely amazing to see how God designed this miracle to take place. When you have an understanding of what will be happening, it helps you envision your baby dropping into your pelvis and to know how to move your body to support that.

Anna

I know I have already referenced the book twice but let’s make it three! The Bradley Method book goes into great detail about how your body works to bring your baby down and how your baby’s body works to come out. This book also has great graphics for those of us who are more visual learners.

When you think “I can’t do this”, you are almost there! Going into birth with the previous stated mindsets and the knowledge of how medicated birth could harm my baby gave me such great confidence…right until the very end! As the surges began to build and the pressure began to feel impossible I suddenly began to think, “I just don’t know if I can do this.”

Which is funny on one hand because I had no other choice! (You can read my full birth story here about how I was unable to have the option for an epidural.)

However, as soon as I began to think this thought things began to ramp up and soon it was all over, holding my sweet baby. When you begin to think these thoughts just remember, you have come this far! You are so close to being done!

I found this so true. I started doubting myself, wondering if I was really going to be able to do this. Thirty minutes later, I was holding my baby. I remember repeating in my mind “Tori said when I don’t think I can do it I’m almost done” over and over and over. Turned out she was right.

Anna

*Note: I (Tori) never remember having this feeling or doubt with my second baby. I had done it. I KNEW I could do it! That is why I am such a big believer in having your first baby unmedicated. It gives you so much confidence for future labors!

When Your Unmedicated Labor Plan Goes Wrong

I would like to add this, not to discourage anyone or make you think that having a natural labor is impossible, because it is NOT! However, should the need arise for you to need, or even, want a medicated labor I think it is important to note that you have not failed. Your body has not failed.

With my (Tori) firstborn I had my hopes dashed as we were told that I would need to be induced. We went through all the risk versus likelihood of my situation and it just made logical sense. The baby would have to come early with medical interventions beginning my labor. This was not the plan. It definitely made me feel like I had already failed before I started in many ways. Everything worked out in the end and I am so thankful for the unmedicated experience I was given- it truly was a gift from God straight to me!

I said all that to say, if things do not work out how you have planned, trust God’s plan for your birth! Maybe you have to be induced (I would still definitely have all the conversations around this- most inductions are not medically necessary. Know your research!), maybe something happens during labor that warrants immediate c-section. Your birth is beautiful no matter what happens and the safety of you/your baby matters most in the end!

Whatever experience is yours, embrace it! It is yours.

*Written by Katie Ledbetter

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When my youngest was born my oldest was a few weeks shy of 8 years old. That’s not significant in any way unless you factor the other four children in between. That’s right they were 7, 6, 5, 3, 1, and newborn. I had two I was homeschooling and I was also my husband’s secretary at the time. He was in his seventh year of pastoring the church and he was almost 29 years old.  You can do the math on the one. Life was hectic. 

I didn’t the have the luxury of family living close by or going to church with us. I did have some amazing church family that did step in but all in all I was raising my babies and doing life alone most of the time.  I don’t mean my husband wasn’t around or was unhelpful. It just wasn’t his role to nurse a newborn while changing an 18 month old, wrangling a 3 year old who loved to write on walls, watching ever new trick my 5 year old wanted me to watch, while doing Phonics with my first and second graders and encouraging them to become self-sufficient while discouraging then from mothering my babies.  Did I mention we homeschooled at the church? This meant daily cleaning the church, going to the gym to try to condition my stretched out, worn out body, returning home to make supper, clean my house, keep up laundry, bathe children, remember if I had taken a shower this week, and somehow keep a great relationship with my husband. 

This makes me laugh to read because honestly it never felt like a lot at the time, but now, I have no idea outside of the grace of God how I functioned. I was 100 miles an hour all day every day. And, I loved it!!! Yes, I had my times when I looked at my husband and said, “If you don’t get me a hotel room alone for a night I’m gonna fall apart!” He thankfully did and that’s probably why I’m still kicking, but mostly I’m only here as a testament that God will give you the grace, strength, and joy to serve Him by serving your family. He will give you what you need when you need it. You’ll look back, like I am now, in awe of Him!!! 

Momma, these hard days where you fall in bed at 2 am just because you wanted to take a bath alone or finish the laundry won’t last forever. The baby stage changes to toddler and toddler to school age before you turn around. Soon you’ll look and your first child to get married will be walking down the aisle. Then they give you grandchildren and you see them in the overwhelming chaos that is the life they are now creating and you’ll know how to help in ways that come so easy and yet leave you so worn out you’ll look at your own daughter with new admiration. You’ll look back on your own life and simply praise The Lord for His goodness. 

So, when the days come and you think you can’t handle one more thing, stop all you’re doing and load up those babies and go to the park. Go to McDonald’s if it’s raining and get ice cream. If you can’t afford that or don’t have a car, make a tent in the living room or have a picnic in the yard. While you’re stopping the chaos to enjoy your life remember this life is so short and today is the day God gave you!! Yes, it’s overwhelming and yes, it’s exasperating at times, but it’s also worth celebrating. 

Everyone gets overwhelmed and there are times we just have to accept that what really matters is not a clean house or a perfect homeschool day. It’s not making sure the children are picture ready or the business we’ve created is caught up.  It’s simply being thankful we’ve been blessed with this life at all. Don’t forget in the overwhelming exasperation to simply tell God, “Thank you, Lord!!! You’ve been good to me!” 

Psalm 127:1-5 KJV
Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. [2] It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. [3] Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. [4] As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. [5] Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. 

Lamentations 3:21-24 KJV
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. [22] It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. [23] They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. [24] The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

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*Written by Katie Ledbetter

Two months after my oldest daughter, Tori, was born we packed up a moving truck and headed to Henderson, North Carolina. I was leaving the Bible College we had attended for three years, the church we had joined almost two years before after we were married, and all the friendships built in that stage of life. In college I was only three and a half hours from my family; where we were moving would be 11 hours away. We were so excited, but the excitement of the new quickly faded into the loneliness of early, isolated motherhood. I didn’t have a vehicle of my own, this was before cell phones had become a real thing, and long distance was pricey. The church was small and the situation out of balance and not what we expected at all as we arrived and found that the church people had no idea the pastor had even invited us to come serve with him at all. 

I was still a new mom and trying hard to find my way and figure it all out. I was nursing and she was stubborn. Though she did seem to grow out of the red headed temper, she was most definitely born with one. We were learning together how to be mother and daughter and how to be what God made us to be in these rolls. I loved my husband but he wasn’t a woman and couldn’t understand all i was going through. I had been saved less than a year at this time. We had moved from Ohio and moving to the south brought a whole new aspect of life I had never before knew existed. This church didn’t have and didn’t want a nursery. This meant I had no break to even get my soul fed and I had never been trained what to do with a baby in church. My husband did get to sit with me those first few months most services, but he couldn’t feed her, and I couldn’t pump, so most services were spent sitting in a Sunday School room not hearing well, if able to hear at all. 

My entire existence was centered around this small person and her daddy and I loved it!

I loved every minute and yet I was so lonely. My heart was aching. How do you ask for help when you don’t even know what you need? You don’t. I didn’t feel like I was suffering enough to complain, after all we were doing God’s work and I didn’t want to be the weak link in my husband’s ministry. But, I was starving for godly, female fellowship. The few ladies in the church had no idea. I was a Yankee and they were doing their best by me. I was a stranger and so were they. They had no idea why we were even there and we had been instructed by the pastor not to tell them. That makes getting close to people impossible. As I said, I didn’t even know what questions to ask, or if it was even okay to ask church people when we were supposed to be ministering to them. I longed for the days when my mother, sisters, mother-in-law, and grandmother called me. I didn’t tell them how lonely I was. I didn’t tell anyone but I cried every time I hung up the phone. 

I cried alone. I didn’t want Jeff to know. I didn’t want my precious baby to feel the hurt. I didn’t want to be a burden and most of all I didn’t want God to think I wasn’t thankful. So, I suffered and grieved alone, longing for something, but I didn’t really even know what. No other preacher’s wife reached out and I had no idea if I could reach out to them. I didn’t want to be a bother to anyone. 

I could tell you a hundred more stories about loneliness in motherhood, loneliness in ministry, loneliness in general. I’m hear to assure you loneliness is normal. That’s right!!! It’s 100% normal. You carried each baby inside of you for nine months and no one on the outside even really knew what you were going through. Whether you nurse, can’t nurse, or chose to bottle feed every avenue comes with a learning curve and you feel as if you are all alone in it. If you have one child or you have six you are their entire world and at times that just feels draining and you long for adult interaction. And, not just any interaction, but the interaction of a dear friend who understands and doesn’t want anything from you. Not everyone has that, in fact, most women don’t. So where’s the hope? Where’s the encouragement? It’s exactly where you think it is.

It’s found in The Lord and in His Word. 

Hebrews 13:5 KJV
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 

He will not leave you in this time. He will not forsake you. I wish that we had more women willing to step up for each other but sadly we don’t, so my advice to you is to become one. You may never have the friend you need but you can become the friend someone else needs. Through you unity can be built in your friendships and in your church. 

Proverbs 18:24 KJV
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. 

If you do not want to be lonely invite people into your world, however messy it may be right now. Bring them into your life with the sole purpose of encouraging them, but you must set boundaries. This can’t become a vent session of all your negativities or your loneliness will just grow. Invite a younger woman and an older, godly woman to lunch. Be ready to sympathize with the younger and learn from the elder. Will you feel less lonely? Maybe not, but the purpose is to be willing to give not to gain. I know in this stage of life you have very little to give at all but I found God’s Word to be true. If you strive to please The Lord He will fill the need. 

Acts 20:35 KJV
I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. 

If your loneliness is more than loneliness. If it’s hormonal and you feel lost and like ending it all please get medical help. Don’t wait. Feeling alone because you’re a new mom is normal. Feeling like hurting yourself, your baby, your other children, your spouse, or anyone else is not normal, it is medical. You may be a bit off balance from what your body lost in pregnancy, delivery, and nursing. Get help! There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Most of the time you just need a boost for a short time and then you’ll be back to your old self again. The brain is an organ it needs help and healing sometimes just like the rest of the body does. 

For those of your who are just in the adjustment stage of life I promise it gets easier. One day you’ll be able to listen to a whole sermon in church. One day you’ll be able to even take notes again. It may not be today and if you ever need to talk about it please go to a godly woman and not someone who will handicap you. Grumbling is what kept Israel handicapped in the wilderness. Find you a good aged woman who loves The Lord, who loves her husband and children, who loves the church, and loves to pray. You need someone you know will pray for you. It’s going to be okay! The Lord understands! 

Psalm 147:5 KJV
Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite. 

Embrace the loneliness and make it your friend. You’ll never get this time back again and if you spend all your time looking for a way out you’ll never be able to realize that God wanted to meet you in this place. You have an opportunity that so many miss. You have a place inside right now that no human can fill. Let God have His place in your lonely.