*Written by Anna Bourdess.
Here is the definition of a velcro baby as given by Google:
A “velcro baby” is unusually clingy and doesn’t want to be put down. They may fuss or cry if they aren’t being held, and may only sleep on, with, or next to their caregiver.
While it can be challenging to deal with a velcro baby, it’s often a sign of a healthy, secure attachment to a parent. This attachment is important for a baby’s healthy development.”
Pressure to Break the Habit
I often hear that my baby is spoiled simply because he wants to be held a lot and is clingy to my husband and I. I’ve been told that I need to break that habit, leave him to cry, and force him to stay with others so that way he doesn’t get used to his Mama being around. Doesn’t get used to his Mama being around? I’m sorry, huh? What an ignorant thing to say.
I want my babies to know that Mama will always be around. After all, that’s a big part of my calling as a stay-at-home Mama. To be around for my babies. Listen, Mama, you know what’s best for your baby. If leaving them to scream doesn’t feel right for you, don’t do it. If your only reason for changing anything you do with your baby is someone else’s criticism, then don’t change. There will always be someone who disagrees with you.
Being a parent isn’t about making everyone else happy. It’s about doing what is best for your family, what works for you, and what pleases The Lord. I think there is something terribly messed up with a society that seems to have an obsession with stripping children from their parents. It starts as babies. Later on it’s disguised as public schooling, sports, or extracurricular activities, but in my opinion, it’s all a plot from the enemy to separate families. There is strength in a stable, united home and we start that foundation when they’re babies. We can’t build that if nobody is ever at home together.
Something to remember too mamas, that baby has lived inside your womb for it’s entire existence. It has been warm, had every nutritional need delivered immediately by the umbilical cord, and been nestled close with the sound of your heartbeat to comfort them. Coming into a world and feeling cold for the first time, experiencing loneliness, hunger, sounds louder than ever before, that’s a lot. And some babies take longer adjusting to this big world they’re now in. They need the comfort of their familiar world, you.
Won’t They Be Delayed?
I’m not claiming that this will be the case for every baby, I’m just a first-time mama sharing my experience thus far. I have held Jackson as much as he wanted, excluding some moments when it just wasn’t possible or I needed a break to step away for a few moments. And he has not been delayed in any milestone so far. He has rolled, crawled, babbled, sat up, pulled up, and all the things just as he was “supposed” to. I use that term loosely because every child is different and will progress differently, and that is perfectly ok.
I truly believe development is more God designed than man controlled.
Feed your child whole, nutritious food, don’t sit them in front of a screen their whole life, don’t fill their bodies with toxins, love them well, and support their needs, and they will develop on track just fine. So, if your main concern is that they won’t ever crawl or walk, I assure that emotional needs and development are just as important as the physical milestones and I would even argue have a much longer affect.
When Change is Needed
If your velcro baby is heavily affecting your marriage, then it’s time to change some things. Your marriage must come first. It is essential to the health of your family for your marriage to be first. It is healthy for your children to see you put your spouse ahead of them. If you don’t, they know they can affect it, and that creates instability and causes them to feel like their actions could make or break your relationship with their father.
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It can be harder as women to do this, but it is non-negotiable. I can’t say what to do or not do because it’s different for everyone. Find what works for you. Here is an example of something that works for us. I will nurse Jackson to sleep at night. We use a floor bed for him so that I can just nurse him and roll away without disturbing him. This gives my husband and I some actual quality time together without interruption. He will always wake within a few hours, and then we allow him to be in bed with us. This doesn’t work for everyone, and I understand that. My husband and I are both fine with cosleeping/bedsharing right now, so that’s what works for us. It may not always, and it may not be with the next baby, but for now, this is what is working. Again, don’t let anyone else’s criticism affect how you and your husband choose to run your home. If you’re both happy and The Lord is pleased, that is what matters.
Being Stressed Out by your Velcro Baby
It is easy to get touched out when you continually are being clung to for dear life by a tiny human who thinks the world ends when you’re out of their sight and to be fair, theirs does. Thankfully, he is as equally attached to my husband, so I do get a little detachment when Daddy gets home from work. Most days, however, I am not impatiently awaiting a break. It is a privilege to be a tiny someone’s everything. I find the times that I get frustrated are times that I am focused on myself. I’ve become so consumed with my own needs that I want to put them ahead of my family’s needs. I find my joy returns when I remember this life is not about me. It’s about what I can do to serve others, my family being the first among them.
When you need alone time, here is an example of something that works for me. As mentioned before, Jackson comes to our bed after his first wake to nurse in the night. To help get my mind ready for the day, I will get up early and leave Jackson in the bed with my husband. I’ll put the monitor on him to assure he doesn’t roll off or get himself stuck and I’ll go and sit at the table to have time with The Lord alone and to get my thoughts together for the day. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes, he still wakes up, so I just take him with me. It is a wonderful part of the day that I look forward to. It took some discipline to do, as it usually requires being up around four o’clock to beat everyone awake in the morning, but it’s so worth it and has become a joy I look forward to. I don’t claim to be able to get alone every morning, but when I can, it’s a great joy and refreshment.
You Can Do Anything With A Baby on Your Hip
You may not think you can, but I promise you can do just about anything with a baby on your hip (or in a carrier). This may be my first baby, but I actively work a bus route at church, have run a youth camp kitchen, served bus kid lunches, washed the car, cooked supper, cleaned the bathroom, even taken a shower in desperation all with a baby on my hip. It can be done. It will be harder, and you’ll go slower, but it can be done.
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My husband and I made an agreement early in our marriage that we weren’t selling out our kids to work in ministry or be able to do things. What we do, they do. It’s important to us. We have so much to learn and figure out. And I know there will be times where exceptions will be made, but as a general rule, we have chosen not to sell out our babies to others so we can work in ministry or “have fun”.
It’s a Season
If you’re really struggling, I can’t urge you enough to just embrace it. You’ll be so much happier. Just let that baby cling to your side and be his world as long as he’ll let you. I’ve never known a 30 yr old man to still sleep in his parents’ bed and always want to be held. It’ll be fine, just like all the others, this season will pass. Embrace it, and you’ll find the joy in it.
