Welcome to the two under two tribe! This is a very special, and sometimes overwhelming season of motherhood. There is nothing super special about having your babies close together, but it does come with special challenges and blessings. Come get all my tips for surviving and thriving as a two under two mom.
My Experience with Two Under Two
If my two under two experience could be summed up in one sentence…”We loved it so much we decided to do it AGAIN!”
I am writing this post right before the arrival of Miss Three Under Three! The two under two stage is certainly not without its challenges. It is hard work! However, the blessings far outweigh the challenges in my opinion. Here is a bit about my personal experience in this season.
We found out we were pregnant with our second daughter just four months after our first was born. This was not necessarily an “accident” but we were not avidly trying either. Regardless, we were thrilled and shrugged off the negative vibes from some other people who felt we were moving too quickly (two under two problems, right!?).
Fourteen Months Apart
Our babies were born fourteen months apart, the oldest still such a baby in many ways. Very few people realize how physically demanding this season can be, or the vast difference in development between one year and two. I am not here to complain at all but often I found myself feeling alone from this lack of understanding. That is why I am writing this post and maybe a few more on the topic of two under two.
Only mamas who have been there truly understand. If you are feeling exhausted, alone, misunderstood, or any other feeling I can just about promise I was there in the two under two season. So much joy mixed with so many other emotions! If you have, or are expecting your two under two I want you to be encouraged by this post. Here are a few things to remember….
- This is just a season.
- You have a lot going on physically, mentally, and emotionally- and that’s okay!
- You are enough!
Now let’s dive into those tips!
Pregnancy Tips On the Way to Two Under Two
The beginning of a good two under two story starts with a barely toddler baby and two pink lines! Yep- You just became apart of the two under two tribe!
Whether this though thrills you or you have the “accidents happen” mindset you are about to enter a super fun season full of blessings and joy. Watching your babies (literally!) grow up together is the best! Depending on who you talk to this is going to be the best, or worst, time of your life.
Can I just say first off, it is 100% what you make it! The pregnancy, the birth, the toddler/newborn season- all of it. Your attitude will determine the course of this season so my first tip- fix your headspace!
If you are having a lot of negative thoughts about your pregnancy or doom and gloom ideas about how hard two under two is going to be you need to shift toward the positive. (That is why this blog is a great place to hang out!) I am in no way saying it is all sunshine and rainbows. However, your outlook does matter.
My Pregnancy Tips
Honestly, my second pregnancy was amazing! Even with a less than/barely one year old. However, I also had a very easy pregnancy (very little nausea, no major issues/complications, etc.) and I want to be very upfront about that. You could definitely say I got off easy!
Here are some things I found super helpful…
1. NAP TIME.
The absolute best part about a two under two pregnancy is that the oldest likely still takes a nap or is still in a crib, confined, so you can take a nap! During the first trimester I capitalized on this and took a nap. In the second trimester this was my time to get all the things done! Third trimester, it was relaxing in a bath, nesting, or resting. Do not take the fact for granted that you likely still have a good napper and/or an early bed-timer!
2. Spend quality time with your toddler.
(I am using the word “toddler” for the oldest child who may or may not be a toddler at this point in your pregnancy.) Do not allow this season to go by without spending all that quality time with your toddler. Read all the books, embrace all the snuggles, enjoy all the moments because after you have that baby something happens to your toddler. They look bigger. Act bigger. And you do not get these days back!
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3. Monopolize your postpartum prep.
I know how hard this is because your oldest is so needy and you have to constantly watch them. However, anything you can prep for now is one less thing you have to worry about later. I mean things like meal prep (especially breakfast and lunch for yourself!), simplifying toy space for oldest, cleaning, etc.
4. Teach your oldest.
This may sound harsh but whatever “problems” you are having with your toddler are not going to magically disappear when they become a big “sis” or “bro”. If they are unkind to other children, they will 100% be unkind to your newborn. If they do not respond to simple commands like “no touch” or “come here” now they are not going to when you are confined to feeding a baby.
Even if your oldest is quite young during your pregnancy you can begin teaching these commands as soon as you notice them touching the forbidden (electrical sockets!), or crawling towards a specific direction. You can begin to teach what is socially acceptable as soon as they hit that kid at the park or take a toy from a cousin. The sooner you begin the better off you will be when the baby enters the scene. You are not expecting perfection, just the beginning of a basis and understanding in acceptable/unacceptable behavior.
The Newborn Stage with Two Under Two
The newborn stage with two under two is one of the most exhausting stages of motherhood. Not to be discouraging, it is filled with wonderful moments too! However, it can be very draining. You are still trying to adjust to a brand new baby, your body is healing, and this other little, but bigger, person still needs you- a LOT! Here are some tips for survival…
1. It’s okay if you are not thriving.
Our culture has glorified thriving in every season and sometimes life is just not that way. Yes, we should try to do our best and there is so much grace in hard times of life. However, sometimes, life is survival. And if you find yourself there instead of “enjoying every moment” there is nothing wrong with you.
2. Support system.
I say this lightly because we do not all have this incredible web of support always at our finger tips. (If you do, that is great! Use it!). Yet, even those of us who live a bit distant from family or close friends probably have people in our lives who are willing to help us. Maybe we would not trust them to come sit with our children while we nap but they can (and probably would love to!) bring a meal or run an errand for you. The point- whatever your support system looks like, use it. Do not be afraid to ask for help.
3. Safety zones.
Newborn safety around a barely toddler is no joke! Even things like a swing, rocker, lounger, etc. have to be constantly watched. Learning where you can safely put baby down is key. My tips- their crib in another room (make sure toddler has no access; they can still throw toys over the sides, poke eyes, etc.), your bed (if toddler is incapable of climbing in), baby gate the toddler in a safe zone while baby swings, sleeps, etc. Last but not least is baby wearing! They are safest on you and you can have your hands free to tend to toddler needs.
4. Never blame the baby.
This one is big if you want to be careful about not building resentment in your toddler. If your toddler is asking for attention, never use language like, “I can’t because sister is eating” or “Not right now because your brother needs me”. This places the blame on the baby and builds resentment in little hearts. Instead of focusing on what you cannot do with them, focus on what is possible, allow them to help, or make them apart of the process. Things like, when baby eats, they get a snack. When mom has to change a diaper, they get to help. Let them be apart of the “fun” as much as possible.
5. Remember your toddler is still a baby.
Keep your expectations reasonable. Your “big” kid is really still so little- a baby, truly.
6. Special gift.
We do this for our older children when we welcome a new baby. A new toy to play with, game, or special thing just for them. This helps keep them entertained during that transition period as you welcome a new member into your family.
Self Care Tips
I will save my opinions about self care as a mom for another post. By self care I do not mean pampering, but the essential things such as sleep, hygiene, eating, and general care for your body. Here’s some tips for taking care of you….
1. Personal shower time.
Maybe this means you have to wake up early, stay awake later, or work out a system with your spouse. However you have to do it (SAFELY), finding time to take a shower, alone, can be a great way to reset your brain and get some much needed hygiene in there!
2. Feed yourself well.
As we talked about in another post, eating well is so important as a mom- especially when you have two close together. Focus on nutritional, nourishing meals. Read here to learn more about Why Moms Need More Protein!
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3. Sleep.
I am not here to tell you exactly how many hours of sleep you need to be getting. We all know the numbers and as two under two moms this is just discouraging, because you likely are not getting the recommended amount! However, trying to prioritize your sleep is so so important. If you feel yourself not getting good rest for several days on end this may be the time to reach out to your support system and ask for help.
4. Getting a break.
Nap time is perfect for catching a break- as long as everyone is napping on the same schedule (and sometimes they just don’t!). I definitely recommend trying to synchronize nap times as much as possible. When this does not work out you can set up a safe play area for toddler or baby and try to enjoy your own space for a few minutes!
5. Do something you love.
This may sound impossible in your current season but if you can find a “thing” that is relaxing to you, a creative outlet, whatever! It is so good for many personalities to have an outlet of some sort, even moms!
Getting Things Done at Home
Not only was I a two under two mom but I am also a homemaker. I also cook the majority of our meals from scratch. I also don’t own a dishwasher….
This means I have no choice but to get things done- even with my very needy two under two. Honestly, I love it! While it took a while to find my new routines, once found, keeping up with this little home and my little people has become a joy!
Here are some helpful tips….
1. Give yourself and your home some grace.
Especially in the newborn to about six month season with the new baby, give yourself some grace. You don’t have to get it all done. Your home does not have to be perfect. Read here about How to Handle Seasons of Bare Minimum in Motherhood!
2. Do what you can when they are awake.
For some personalities this may sound stressful but getting things done while my kids are awake is how I thrive! This gives me my afternoon nap time to do things that spark life or those bigger jobs I cannot tackle with littles under my feet.
3. Baby gate.
Get over the mom guilt! Leaving your kids in a safe space to play (together or apart depending on ages and stages- safety first!) while you get something done does not make you a bad mom! Science shows that allowing children independent playtime apart from you is great for skill and brain development. I am not talking about abandoning your child in a room for hours while you watch Netflix and chill. However, a safe play zone while you do laundry without being tackled will absolutely not hurt your children.
4. Screen time.
I am a huge advocator for minimal screen-time. There are just so many better ways to entertain children that actually work! However, there are times when I’m home solo parenting after a long day, people are not playing nicely, and I have to get something done. In our home this is a great time to bust out that special treat called screen time!
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