First year of motherhood- I honestly can not believe I typed that! Everybody tells you “time flys” but I do not think they can actually prepare you for how accurate that statement is. I do not agree with the statement that time is a thief but sometimes it sure does feel like it’s just slipping away as much as I try to cherish every minute.
I for sure do not feel like one year of motherhood has made me an expert. If anything it has taught me that I truly have no clue what I am doing! However, I thought it would be fun to sit down and reflect on this first year- maybe it will help you learn from my mistakes.
Lessons in Motherhood from a First-Time Mom
1. Go outside as much as possible.
This seems so simple but it has been so helpful for us in the first year! I started as soon as we came home from the hospital. Granted, it was BEAUTIFUL East Tennessee September weather but if you find yourself in the cold of fall/winter with a newborn (as I will with Miss 2 in a few more months) I still would highly recommend bundling up at least once a day to get some fresh air.
The benefits of taking your newborn to one year old outside are many but I found that the number one benefit is their sleep! When they are newborns the sunlight helps regulate the circadian rhythm, which means less day/night confusion. When they start to move around some being outside will wear them out for a great nap!
I naturally love to be outside so this is not hard for me. However, if you struggle loving the outdoors challenge yourself to just sit outside with the baby for a half hour every afternoon. Make it your time to incorporate something you do enjoy (a good snack, a podcast, coffee time, Bible time, etc.). The time outside will also help your mood a ton in that post partem period!
2. Lower your expectations of yourself.
I think one of my biggest struggles was going into motherhood with extremely high expectations of myself. Let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with setting goals or expecting a lot out of yourself. That is a very healthy homemaker mentality. I think where we go wrong is when we set unrealistic expectations- OR when we allow society to dictate those expectations.
You really have no idea what it is like to be a mother until you are one. No matter how much experience you have had with children. It is easy to say “I would NEVER” or “I’m going to do it this way” before you are in the middle of major hormone shifts, sleepless nights, and all the other things a newborn brings on. (I do not say that to be discouraging- that’s just the raw truth!)
Learning to lower what you expect of yourself, during those first few months especially, is so key to having a good first-time motherhood experience. Here are a few ways to measure your expectations:
- Are these expectations coming from God’s Word or from society? (Even well-meaning Christian/homemaking society can place unhealthy expectations on first-time mamas.)
- Are my husband and baby happy and healthy? If so, do not try to fix what is not broken!
- What happens if I do not meet all my expectations of myself? This is a great way to measure if an expectation is too much or unhealthy. If I stopped doing xyz what are the consequences?
- Are all these expectations effecting my attitude in a negative way? If you are a constant crab just because you are expecting yourself to be a “perfect” mom then you are no closer to that goal even if you do meet all your expectations! The best gift you can give your family is a happy, healthy mama.
3. In hard seasons remember- it’s only a season!
When you have been awake with a fussy baby for two hours in the middle of the night for a few days on end it is easy to feel like this will last forever. I promise it does get better! Just hang in there. You will look back and realize that those nights were precious and they really did not last as long as it felt in the moment.
The seasons we experience in the first year as mamas are many and short! Try not to get discouraged when you are stuck in a hard one.
4. Give your worries to God.
Another very valuable lesson I am still in the process of learning when it comes to motherhood is to give my worries to the One who is in control of everything. Even if you have a very healthy baby chances are in the first year they will experience some kind of sickness/fever. They may not be exactly “on the charts” for weigh gain, or developmental milestones according to doctor’s visits. Maybe someone else’s kid is doing this or that and it causes you anxiety about the progress of your own. What if you aren’t doing everything right? Should you vaccinate or not vaccinate?
All the questions and decisions that have to be made in the first year are overwhelming!!
Learning early and often to take every decision and worry to God takes such a load off the heart. He made your baby, He cares for them more than you ever could, He has a perfect plan for their life. Why carry around a load that is too heavy for you when the One who holds the world in His hands knows exactly what to do?
5. Trust your instincts.
It has beyond amazed me how naturally, and instantly those mama bear instincts just kick right in! Maybe this is not your experience but it is like I just instantly knew things I had no idea I knew (not that I knew everything for sure!). It just seems like every sense became ten times sharper and I developed about three more I never knew existed!
I truly believe God gives us this gift as mothers. Some choose not to use or exercise them but when you do it is powerful!
6. Do not abandon your marriage for the thrill of being a mom.
Learning how to balance your marriage and this new mom thing was/is so much more challenging than I ever expected it to be. Even if you truly love your husband and you have a powerhouse marriage adding a baby can make you feel like you are being pulled in half at first.
Your natural instinct is to provide your baby with everything they need and the fact that you really are everything they need as a newborn places a huge load of responsibility on your shoulders. Then you look over and you see you still have a husband. As a wife you know you are Biblically supposed to be his helper and provide for a large majority of his needs!
I will be honest, this will make you feel like no one is looking out for your needs. A lot of the time as a first-time dad your husband has no clue what to do, what you need, or how to help. Can I assure you, most husbands want to help! This is where communication is key. Learn to take your hands off and let your husband help with what he can help with. He can hold the baby while you take a nice long shower, he can make bottles if you are not breast feeding, he can learn to sooth the baby in the middle of the night when you have done all you can do and baby is STILL crying.
Here are a few ways I learned how to prioritize my marriage in the midst of motherhood:
- Always let your husband know his needs come first. Starting this from day one removes any sense of competition new dads may feel.
- Prove it. It is easy to say, “your needs come first” then when the baby cries you have to jump up from spending time with him. In my first-time mom experience the baby ALWAYS cried when we finally started getting some quality alone time. Here’s the thing…babies cry. They have done it for ages. They have survived. If your baby has been fed, changed, is in a safe place, and the cry does not sound unusual they will likely be okay.
- Don’t wait forever to leave the baby while you go out on a date night with your husband. The attachment between a new baby and mama is real! However, it is very important to prioritize your marriage over your need to feel needed. The baby will survive without you. Even if you can only handle an hour or two away try it as soon as you can because the attachment only gets stronger.
- Take advantage of the moments. You might not have hours to give your husband like you did before the baby but make the most of the moments you have! These moments will strengthen your marriage more than hours ever did.
7. Your attitude effects their attitude.
I started noticing this more around nine months and even more recently- just how much my attitude effects her attitude! If I am in a bad mood it seems like she is just more discontent, fussy, and hard to deal with. In a lot of ways she mirrors my attitude and actions.
I am learning that I have to constantly adjust my attitude to keep us both in check!
8. Don’t get caught up in everyone else’s opinion.
Everyone has one and most are not afraid to share! It is amazing what people feel they have the right to say to others, especially a first-time mom. Let me clarify that I am not talking about helpful, and encouraging information. Send all that my way, please!
However, it is an easy trap to fall into wanting to do it all right as a new mom. The opinions of others can often direct us to choices we later regret. Watch out for people who are always wanting you to do it their way. Your family is not their family. Your child is not their child. What worked for them may not work for you and that it okay!
This goes for people on social media as well, me included! You cannot get so wrapped up in how other people do things that you are never able to find the best rhythm for you and your home.
9. Taking care of your body is NOT selfish!
I am not going to get into the whole self-care debate but this I do know- making sure your body and mind are healthy FOR your family is not self centered!
It took me a while to learn this after having a new baby. Trying to juggle everything was overwhelming and the easiest thing to cut out was me. To shield myself from post partem body image issues I adopted an “I don’t care” mentality. For a long time I felt like a stranger to my own body- not just it’s appearance (I expected all that would change) but just how different I felt all over.
A few things that began to change that (and make me feel human again) was investing in a good shampoo to help the post partem hair loss, purchasing some simple yet good quality makeup staples (and putting it on daily), and finding a few pieces of clothing that did not make me feel disgusting.
Besides the physical appearance and body changes, it was also important to find some good supplements to help balance hormones, stay hydrate, and reduce inflammation. I found this in an all-natural company called Plexus and it was well worth the investment!
Having even just a little bit of time to myself was so helpful for my mental state. Even something as simple as a bath before bed, a shower, or a walk during nap time helps me to refresh my mind and be ready to serve my family in the best way possible.
Find what works for you and take care of yourself, mama!
10. Soak up every second.
I will end on this, even though you have heard it the moment people found out you were expecting a little one. Enjoy every little moment. Even on the days when you are tired, overwhelmed, frustrated with yourself. Pause. Remember. She will only be this little once.
I am learning that motherhood is moments. Some fun, some not so fun, but we only get these moments once. They will never happen again. What a gift, these precious little moments that fill up our days, and our hearts…let’s not waste them.
What would you add? I would love to hear from you in the comments!
