Motherhood is made up of seasons- from pregnancy to sending adult children off to college and all the seasons in between. There are seasons when we just cannot do all the things. When we are not at our best we can always do at least a handful of things well! These are seasons of bare minimum. Learn how to thrive through them in this post!
What is a Season of Bare Minimum?
This looks different for everyone at different times of life. In simple terms, “bare minimum” (in motherhood) is doing only the essential things to keep your home, your family, and yourself thriving (or maybe just surviving for a season!). It is cutting out all the unnecessary and focusing on what has to be done- not what we feel like needs done.
It is choosing to do a few things well instead of half-heartedly doing all the things for a season.
Examples of such seasons: pregnancy (first trimester and beyond for some), illness, injury, postpartum, grief, exhaustion, depression….the list could go on.
These seasons can last a few days or even a few months depending on the situation. Only you know what this looks like for you.
The Difference Between a Season and Life-Style Choices
A season is never meant to be forever. If you find yourself constantly in a “season” and blaming your lack of motivation on your circumstances you are going to be miserable. There comes a time when we have to woman up and rise above the hardships of life- even in the rough seasons.
There are times when we must expand (stretch) ourselves through the help of the Holy Spirit to do things we feel are hard or even impossible. We cannot use a season to justify laziness in our work as mothers and homemakers.
So what does justify a season of bare minimum…
-something you know is coming in advance and will pass relatively quickly (first trimester, postpartum)
-something completely unexpected or beyond your control (sudden death, natural disaster, depression, etc.)
-a day (or few days) after an exhausting period of time (busy week, sickness, travel, your period!, etc.)
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Avoiding Comparison Traps
It is so important to avoid comparison traps in motherhood. Realizing that we each have a different capacity in these tough seasons is KEY. You may see another mom who is postpartum with her third or fourth baby. She’s bouncing right back it seems, doing all the things.
However, you’re struggling postpartum with one or two children. The truth is, our capacity is so different from one another. Often this capacity expands over time and with experience.
Do not compare yourself to others if you are finding a “tough” season easy or if you are finding a seemingly easy season to be hard. We all have a different make up, different circumstances, and a vastly diverse capacity to handle situations.
Avoid Comparing Your Children
Avoid comparison traps with your children, too. It isn’t fair to your child to compare them with another, completely different individual. This can make you feel like you’re failing if another child of similar age seems far advanced from yours.
This works the other way as well. It can puff up a sense of pride where it doesn’t belong. Your children also have a capacity, and recognizing it will help you all get through the harder seasons much easier. Children “read the room” better than any adult ever could. They can sense the change in routine and emotions of mom and dad.
Meet them there in their capacity, too sometimes. This isn’t an excuse to allow negative behavior, but a call for connection along with the correction, not just the correction. If you’re having a tough season, chances are so are they because of how our children feed off of our moods and behavior.
What Bare Minimum Looks Like for Us
Again, avoiding comparison traps! I decided to share a list of what my bare minimum looks like. This could be completely different for you! It is not meant to be a list to follow but just an example of what this looks like for me personally….
- One load of laundry
- One load of dishes
- A pre-made (frozen) dinner or eating out more often
- Making sure my children are fed, diapered, and snuggled
- Making sure animals are fed
- Easy/low key chores as needed (sweeping, cleaning up, etc.)
Planning for a Season of Bare Minimum
If we know that a busier or tougher season is coming up, making preparations for it can help us still serve our families well during those times. Planned seasons of bare minimum are seasons like postpartum, a busily scheduled week coming up, upcoming surgery, etc. We typically have adequate time to plan for these seasons.
Making meals ahead and freezing them, buying some disposable dinnerware, and keeping the laundry (this includes ironing) caught up until then. I’ve also found that doing a little extra organizing before those seasons helps them run smoother. When someone is going to be helping care for you or your family, knowing where everything is at greatly helps you and them both.
For us, another season of bare minimum can be a revival or missions conference with all-day services at church. Planning for ways to make things easier for us all so that we don’t end up coming to church frustrated. Give yourself permission to focus on the spiritual health of your family and not all the tasks to be done. Those paper plates are worth not having a mound of dishes at the end of the week because you haven’t been home long enough to keep up.
Bare minimum seasons aren’t just about hard or depressing seasons. It’s giving yourself permission to focus on what really matters. Like that precious new baby, recovery, and your spiritual health. It’s not always about just surviving but helping your family thrive the best ways we can when this season of life looks different than normal.
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