I never knew until I became a mom just how tricky learning to navigate the holiday season can be. To be honest, it can suck the life and joy out of this wonderful season if you let it. Here are some helpful tips for navigating all the parties, family gatherings, and social events….
Capacity and Boundaries During the Holiday Season
We are not all created equal. AND THAT IS OKAY! Just because you see a mom out there with four kids and she’s doing all the things this season does not make you a bad or inadequate mom because you can’t handle that. We’re all different. Some of us thrive off the energy of the hustle and bustle- and we can do it all with that baby strapped to our hip! Others of us find it exhausting to go to that family gathering or social event all while trying to keep children happy and behaved.
Or maybe it’s certain social events that have you stressed out. An awkward family event you are just not sure you want your children to be exposed to. A Christmas party you know is going to be more exhausting than the fun is worth. That social gathering where you know entering is going to be begging to hold your newborn and upset when you say a polite, “no”.
Give the gift of life this season!
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That is where boundaries come in. Acknowledge them. Express them. And don’t budge on them. Here’s what we mean…
If you have restrictions for your children regarding food, certain family members having access to them, naps, others holding the baby, whatever your nonnegotiables are, have a conversation with your spouse before the event. Make sure you’re both on the same page so that they can support you in them or sometimes even offer a different perspective. Then you won’t feel alone while trying to wrangle your children because each of you knows what’s expected of the other. Frustration with your spouse is usually rooted in assuming the other knew something that was never communicated to them. This goes both ways.
Don’t budge on your boundaries with people or situations you are uncomfortable with.
Realize your “no” is enough. You can say “No.” You don’t have to go to every holiday event. You don’t have to let everyone hold your baby. You don’t have to be pulled into the consumerism obsessed society. You don’t have to be so busy that you can’t enjoy your family. You can say no. It’s ok to say, “I’m sorry, I’m not in a season where I can do that right now.” And that’s it, that’s enough. No further explanation is needed. So, just in case you needed permission to say no, there it is.
Learn Where You Can Be Flexible
Learning what things are nonnegotiable for your family and what things it’s ok to relax on will help you enjoy the Christmas season so much more. Maybe nobody will die if we don’t make it home by 8p.m. for bedtime, or maybe they will? Maybe we can skip a nap, or maybe that’s not an option for your child because they really need it (maybe you really need it.). Maybe they can have some sugar this time, or maybe they’ll be really sick if they do? Only you know what things are ok to let slide. Figure out what works for your family. If you try to keep up with it all, you’ll go crazy and miss any joy you could’ve had.
Prioritizing who is most important in your social circles will help you in deciding when and where to be flexible. My (Tori’s) husband’s family lives in Africa as missionaries so when they are in town for the holidays we will be as flexible as we can be to accommodate them and the fact that they don’t get every Christmas with us. On the opposite side of the scale some social events will be put on the back burner because we’re just too busy.
Keeping Your Littles Well This Holiday Season
This is sick season. Mainly because of the lack of sunlight frombeing stuck inside, and all of the sugar that comes with this time of year.
You’re gonna want to support your littles bodies extra. Some ways you can do this are by giving them elderberry syrup, a good probiotic, a quality vitamin C, and nutritious food. Adding these things daily can help keep your little one’s immune system strong to help fight off all the germs they’ll be exposed to this season.
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Newborn and Baby Tips
I’m not gonna lie, this is a hard season to navigate. We both have had newborn babies for the holidays and this can be so fun! It can also be exhausting.
My biggest tip is to get your rest. If your baby is a newborn that means you’re still in your postpartum era. Your body needs to heal and social events are not your priority right now.
Baby wearing. If you want your newborn or baby close to you without a big fight on your hands, baby wearing is the way to go!! Chances are they fall asleep in there and you are able to enjoy the time with family without having to explain this very common sense boundary.
Make sure your boundaries are VERY clear. Sometimes all you have to do is let people around you know what the boundaries are. I truly believe most people are not just trying to be belligerent, they probably just do not know what the boundaries are. If you don’t want people to touch simply say, “There are a lot of germs going around right now. Please don’t touch her hands or face.”
Breastfeeding. This can be tricky to navigate if you are breastfeeding your baby. Some social situations are completely fine with you nursing publicly while covered. Other places you will find it very awkward and uncomfortable for yourself or others. I find that the car is my safe place in all social situations where there is not a designated place I feel comfortable in. I keep a nursing cover out there at all times. You may find that nursing is the perfect excuse to get away and chill for a minute!
Toddler Tips
Toddlers, while in different ways, can be just as tricky in social situations! They want to touch everything, maybe you have a picky eater, or one that needs that nap. Here’s a few helpful tips I’ve learned…
Bring what you know they need. Whether it’s a snack you know they will eat, a sound machine for naps, or a few toys to keep them busy being prepared for what you can be is so helpful.
Leave early. There is nothing wrong with cutting out early if your toddler is starting to go downhill quickly!
Touching things. I work on this constantly so that when we’re at sometime else’s home I can say a simple “no touch” and get quick obedience. However, new environments often test the skills we train for in new ways. In these situations I like to distract them with something they can touch (a toy we brought, things the host has placed out for them to play with, etc.). This usually works great!
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