Little Wife in the Woods

Ten Things I Learned in the First Year of Motherhood

First year of motherhood- I honestly can not believe I typed that! Everybody tells you “time flys” but I do not think they can actually prepare you for how accurate that statement is. I do not agree with the statement that time is a thief but sometimes it sure does feel like it’s just slipping away as much as I try to cherish every minute.

I for sure do not feel like one year of motherhood has made me an expert. If anything it has taught me that I truly have no clue what I am doing! However, I thought it would be fun to sit down and reflect on this first year- maybe it will help you learn from my mistakes.

Lessons in Motherhood from a First-Time Mom

1. Go outside as much as possible.

This seems so simple but it has been so helpful for us in the first year! I started as soon as we came home from the hospital. Granted, it was BEAUTIFUL East Tennessee September weather but if you find yourself in the cold of fall/winter with a newborn (as I will with Miss 2 in a few more months) I still would highly recommend bundling up at least once a day to get some fresh air.

The benefits of taking your newborn to one year old outside are many but I found that the number one benefit is their sleep! When they are newborns the sunlight helps regulate the circadian rhythm, which means less day/night confusion. When they start to move around some being outside will wear them out for a great nap!

I naturally love to be outside so this is not hard for me. However, if you struggle loving the outdoors challenge yourself to just sit outside with the baby for a half hour every afternoon. Make it your time to incorporate something you do enjoy (a good snack, a podcast, coffee time, Bible time, etc.). The time outside will also help your mood a ton in that post partem period!

2. Lower your expectations of yourself.

I think one of my biggest struggles was going into motherhood with extremely high expectations of myself. Let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with setting goals or expecting a lot out of yourself. That is a very healthy homemaker mentality. I think where we go wrong is when we set unrealistic expectations- OR when we allow society to dictate those expectations.

You really have no idea what it is like to be a mother until you are one. No matter how much experience you have had with children. It is easy to say “I would NEVER” or “I’m going to do it this way” before you are in the middle of major hormone shifts, sleepless nights, and all the other things a newborn brings on. (I do not say that to be discouraging- that’s just the raw truth!)

Learning to lower what you expect of yourself, during those first few months especially, is so key to having a good first-time motherhood experience. Here are a few ways to measure your expectations:

  • Are these expectations coming from God’s Word or from society? (Even well-meaning Christian/homemaking society can place unhealthy expectations on first-time mamas.)
  • Are my husband and baby happy and healthy? If so, do not try to fix what is not broken!
  • What happens if I do not meet all my expectations of myself? This is a great way to measure if an expectation is too much or unhealthy. If I stopped doing xyz what are the consequences?
  • Are all these expectations effecting my attitude in a negative way? If you are a constant crab just because you are expecting yourself to be a “perfect” mom then you are no closer to that goal even if you do meet all your expectations! The best gift you can give your family is a happy, healthy mama.

3. In hard seasons remember- it’s only a season!

When you have been awake with a fussy baby for two hours in the middle of the night for a few days on end it is easy to feel like this will last forever. I promise it does get better! Just hang in there. You will look back and realize that those nights were precious and they really did not last as long as it felt in the moment.

The seasons we experience in the first year as mamas are many and short! Try not to get discouraged when you are stuck in a hard one.

4. Give your worries to God.

Another very valuable lesson I am still in the process of learning when it comes to motherhood is to give my worries to the One who is in control of everything. Even if you have a very healthy baby chances are in the first year they will experience some kind of sickness/fever. They may not be exactly “on the charts” for weigh gain, or developmental milestones according to doctor’s visits. Maybe someone else’s kid is doing this or that and it causes you anxiety about the progress of your own. What if you aren’t doing everything right? Should you vaccinate or not vaccinate?

All the questions and decisions that have to be made in the first year are overwhelming!!

Learning early and often to take every decision and worry to God takes such a load off the heart. He made your baby, He cares for them more than you ever could, He has a perfect plan for their life. Why carry around a load that is too heavy for you when the One who holds the world in His hands knows exactly what to do?

5. Trust your instincts.

It has beyond amazed me how naturally, and instantly those mama bear instincts just kick right in! Maybe this is not your experience but it is like I just instantly knew things I had no idea I knew (not that I knew everything for sure!). It just seems like every sense became ten times sharper and I developed about three more I never knew existed!

I truly believe God gives us this gift as mothers. Some choose not to use or exercise them but when you do it is powerful!

6. Do not abandon your marriage for the thrill of being a mom.

Learning how to balance your marriage and this new mom thing was/is so much more challenging than I ever expected it to be. Even if you truly love your husband and you have a powerhouse marriage adding a baby can make you feel like you are being pulled in half at first.

Your natural instinct is to provide your baby with everything they need and the fact that you really are everything they need as a newborn places a huge load of responsibility on your shoulders. Then you look over and you see you still have a husband. As a wife you know you are Biblically supposed to be his helper and provide for a large majority of his needs!

I will be honest, this will make you feel like no one is looking out for your needs. A lot of the time as a first-time dad your husband has no clue what to do, what you need, or how to help. Can I assure you, most husbands want to help! This is where communication is key. Learn to take your hands off and let your husband help with what he can help with. He can hold the baby while you take a nice long shower, he can make bottles if you are not breast feeding, he can learn to sooth the baby in the middle of the night when you have done all you can do and baby is STILL crying.

Here are a few ways I learned how to prioritize my marriage in the midst of motherhood:

  • Always let your husband know his needs come first. Starting this from day one removes any sense of competition new dads may feel.
  • Prove it. It is easy to say, “your needs come first” then when the baby cries you have to jump up from spending time with him. In my first-time mom experience the baby ALWAYS cried when we finally started getting some quality alone time. Here’s the thing…babies cry. They have done it for ages. They have survived. If your baby has been fed, changed, is in a safe place, and the cry does not sound unusual they will likely be okay.
  • Don’t wait forever to leave the baby while you go out on a date night with your husband. The attachment between a new baby and mama is real! However, it is very important to prioritize your marriage over your need to feel needed. The baby will survive without you. Even if you can only handle an hour or two away try it as soon as you can because the attachment only gets stronger.
  • Take advantage of the moments. You might not have hours to give your husband like you did before the baby but make the most of the moments you have! These moments will strengthen your marriage more than hours ever did.

7. Your attitude effects their attitude.

I started noticing this more around nine months and even more recently- just how much my attitude effects her attitude! If I am in a bad mood it seems like she is just more discontent, fussy, and hard to deal with. In a lot of ways she mirrors my attitude and actions.

I am learning that I have to constantly adjust my attitude to keep us both in check!

8. Don’t get caught up in everyone else’s opinion.

Everyone has one and most are not afraid to share! It is amazing what people feel they have the right to say to others, especially a first-time mom. Let me clarify that I am not talking about helpful, and encouraging information. Send all that my way, please!

However, it is an easy trap to fall into wanting to do it all right as a new mom. The opinions of others can often direct us to choices we later regret. Watch out for people who are always wanting you to do it their way. Your family is not their family. Your child is not their child. What worked for them may not work for you and that it okay!

This goes for people on social media as well, me included! You cannot get so wrapped up in how other people do things that you are never able to find the best rhythm for you and your home.

9. Taking care of your body is NOT selfish!

I am not going to get into the whole self-care debate but this I do know- making sure your body and mind are healthy FOR your family is not self centered!

It took me a while to learn this after having a new baby. Trying to juggle everything was overwhelming and the easiest thing to cut out was me. To shield myself from post partem body image issues I adopted an “I don’t care” mentality. For a long time I felt like a stranger to my own body- not just it’s appearance (I expected all that would change) but just how different I felt all over.

A few things that began to change that (and make me feel human again) was investing in a good shampoo to help the postpartum hair loss, purchasing some simple yet good quality makeup staples (and putting it on daily), and finding a few pieces of clothing that did not make me feel disgusting.

Besides the physical appearance and body changes, it was also important to find some good supplements to help balance hormones, stay hydrate, and reduce inflammation. I found this in an all-natural company called Plexus and it was well worth the investment!

Having even just a little bit of time to myself was so helpful for my mental state. Even something as simple as a bath before bed, a shower, or a walk during nap time helps me to refresh my mind and be ready to serve my family in the best way possible.

Find what works for you and take care of yourself, mama!

10. Soak up every second.

I will end on this, even though you have heard it the moment people found out you were expecting a little one. Enjoy every little moment. Even on the days when you are tired, overwhelmed, frustrated with yourself. Pause. Remember. She will only be this little once.

I am learning that motherhood is moments. Some fun, some not so fun, but we only get these moments once. They will never happen again. What a gift, these precious little moments that fill up our days, and our hearts…let’s not waste them.

What would you add? I would love to hear from you in the comments!

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Do You Have a Bible?

Do you have a Bible? Can you read it? Do you understand the words you are reading? These questions seem silly if you have grown up in the United States. We would answer, “Yes, I have a Bible. Of course, I can read. Yes, I know most of the words and their meanings.” However, these questions are common to ask here in Ghana. We are often approached by people begging for a whole Bible. Many could not read one if they had it: because of poverty their schooling was sporadic at best. Some have never even had the opportunity to go to school.

English is the required language in school, but it is their second language. Many learn to read (some finish school and still struggle), but they often don’t understand what they are reading. While Fante is their heart language, the only Bible in Fante has many mistakes. While a committee has been formed to give these people an accurate translation, most cannot read in their own language so they will have to rely on the few who can read Fante to hear the Word of God in their language.

I am saddened to realize that many here depend on pastors, who are not even saved themselves, to learn what God’s Word says.Unless they are reached by a born-again Christian who tells them the gospel, they will die believing false doctrine. Even when I witness, they are believing my word as I read the Bible and explain it to them. They cannot go search the scriptures as the Bereans did. To grow spiritually they will have to depend on the teaching of others.

So, I ask again…Do you have a Bible? Do you take the time to read it? Do you study it for yourself? Have you ever thanked the Lord for the privilege to have a good education?

You can read. You can look up words that you don’t understand. You have the ability to “study to show thyself approved unto God”.

Maybe you -like me at times- have taken these things for granted. I hope to challenge you to find a new appreciation for the Word of God. Read it. Study it. Love it. The Bible has the words of life; you don’t need a helper to learn more about God and His will. Why do you wait? Go get started right now!!

Written by Angela Ruckman

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Am I a Blessing to My Home?

Written by Anna Bourdess

Let’s dive right into this one. 

Go to the book of Job and look at chapters one and two. The beginning of chapter one immediately begins speaking of Job and listing the favor and blessings of God upon his life. As my husband and I began studying the book of Job the other night very quickly The Lord brought a series of questions to my mind. 

The first of which is, if someone were to list my husbands blessings, could I even be included? 
This pricked my heart as I began self examining.
You’ll notice, it lists his home, his livestock, even the children that were born unto him. Yet, it never lists his wife. It says nothing of her, not even that he had one. 

Continuing on in my reading The Lord brought another series of convicting questions that triggered yet another round of self examination. If the Devil wanted to attack my home, would he even consider me a threat? Furthermore, would he consider afflicting me to attack my husband? Am I useful enough to my home in spiritual warfare that he would know he had to step over a praying wife and mother to harm my family?

Satan petitioned The Lord for the hedge to be dropped, once granted Satan began attacking every angle of Job’s life. He took his wealth, his livestock, his home, and finally takes the lives of his children. Yet still, never did Satan even attempt to destroy Job’s wife, not even to get to him. Once again, when Satan petitions for Job’s health, he never even considers his wife. 
Could it be that Satan knew she was already on his side? Did Satan see her as so weak spiritually that she would even aid in his attempt to destroy Job? 

I’ll end by repeating to you the same questions The Lord asked me: 

If someone decided to write down all of your husbands blessings, could you be listed?
If Satan wanted to attack your home, would you even be considered a threat to him?
Are you ready for spiritual warefare?

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20 Things I’ve Learned from the Best Moms

I have been extremely blessed to know some amazing mamas! I love how God gives each one a unique set of skills to love their children and raise them in a way that brings the most glory to Him. You could say He tailor made each mother for the children He would bless her with.

No matter what “kind” of mom you are, I hope you are allowing the Lord to work through you to raise the special little people He’s given you. There is no right way to mother when comparing ourselves, only when we go to God and His Word will we find the answers. I hope, as I am sure you do, that I am letting him make me the mama He wants me to be.

Below is a list of qualities I have seen in some mamas that stick out in my mind. They are not perfect, none of us are, yet you can see certain attributes God has instilled in them over the years that make them shine in specific areas. What He has done for others He can do for you and me as we submit ourselves to Him in this journey called motherhood!

20 Things I’ve Learned from the Best Moms I Know

1. Cherish EVERY moment.

We hear this often from those seasoned mothers who know it to be so true. These days, months, years- they are fast! The hard season you are in that seems to last an eternity will be so quickly gone when you look back over life- and the same with the good seasons. Time is no respecter and we do not get any seconds back. So cherish those moments, good and bad. They don’t last!

2. The dishes can wait.

A few specific mamas come to mind that highly value cleanliness in their homes yet always value their children more. They will stop in their tracks to be a listening ear. They are more concerned with the hearts of the home than everything on the outside looking perfect. In them we learn the lesson that yes, cleaning is important, but so are the needs of those precious children. Don’t waste opportunities to connect with your children.

3. Create a safe place in you.

I watched a mother once with a young adult son who was in that season of life where he was looking for a wife. Things were not going very well and he was pretty discouraged. I watched as that son snuggled up beside his mama on the couch (who could have been doing plenty of other things, but she made herself available) and begin to pour out his heart to her listening ear. I always thought it was a sweet moment but now that I’m older I realize just how rare it is for teen/adult children to still find that safe place in their mom.

Of course, as this mama did, it is always our duty to point them back to the Lord. However, are we creating an environment within ourselves that our children find peaceful and safe? Do we listen? Are we trustable?

4. Be patient.

A mother of a middle age son with Down syndrome comes to my mind. He is the sweetest, most lovable little guy! Yet when I think of being a patient mother I think of his mama. For what reason we will not know here the Lord has allowed this woman the very difficult task of raising a child who will never grow up mentally.

When we are going through those toddler years of intense training, or dealing with the challenging teen years we can at least say, “It’s only a season.” This sweet mama is forever stuck in her season. Still, she is so patient! I have never heard an unkind word about or to her precious boy. Surely God’s grace is to be credited but how many times do we, as mothers of “normal” children, snap and loose our tempers? Have patience mama.

5. Walk with God while you work.

Another mama comes to mind who is always filling her time homemaking with spiritual things. Sometimes it is listening to music, sometimes filling her own home with her beautiful song, listing to preaching or the Bible being read aloud, other times she will be washing the dishes and you just know she’s lifting someone in prayer as she does it. I have learned from her that yes, quiet time with children will probably never look quite like it did before but it does not mean we cannot have sweet fellowship while we work!

6. Having a servant’s heart is a must.

Another very special lady comes to mind when I think about being a servant to those in and outside of your home. It seems she is never complaining, seeking only to fill the needs of others. To be completely transparent- I struggle with this. I do not mind serving, as long as I get some me-time as well. The self-care craze of our day has just about ruined good mamas. I am in no way saying we should totally neglect our physical, spiritual, and emotional needs but where are the servants? Those who do not have to be pampered themselves to serve others. Being a mom gives us the opportunity to become more like Christ in the area of servitude. Are we taking the opportunity or wasting on things that do not matter?

7. Laugh often.

As with many of these lessons, I have to say that I learned this one from my mama! Without going into all the details things were not easy for this mom in ministry. Yet I always remember being shielded from things going on in the church by a mom who loved to laugh and have a good time! Just a word of advice for the pastor’s wife mamas- if you want your children to be one of the many with a bitter spirit, and sour attitude towards God and His people then walk around the house hurt and moping every time you or your husband gets hurt.

Ministry wife or not, WE make the choice to discourage our home or fill it with an attitude of happiness. Our mood so often controls the home. Why not make it a place filled with laughter in hard times and easy?

8. Make the most of what you have and don’t complain about what you don’t.

So many sweet, contented moms I have had the privilege to be around! One in particular stands out in my mind who was not concerned with having things to make her happy. This elderly mom of seven sweetly said to me, “I told the Lord and my husband that I didn’t care if we had a stitch of furniture, I wanted as many babies as the Lord wanted me to have!”

During a time when birth control was on the rise and large families were looked down upon in society as a nuisance, this woman found such peace and joy in surrendering her body to the Lord. She will tell you today she has never regretted it!

I am not here to argue with anyone about my opinion on birth control, family planning, and the like (you probably would not agree and that is okay!). However, I do think we can find a lesson in the life of this dear lady that things do not matter- our children do! If we cannot be content with what we have who is to say God should let us keep anything at all? I hope I am learning this priceless lesson!

9. Don’t expect too much but don’t expect too little.

Especially as moms of littles this is a great lesson to grasp! When you are trying to train that toddler to sit in church, or that baby not to touch the outlet, remember who they are. Remember how old they are. Remember they are learning. We loose our patience and fly off the handle when we are setting the bar of expectations too high.

At the same time, don’t set it too low! Babies can be trained. Toddlers can be taught to sit in the service, quietly. Children can behave in a kind and respectful manner. This takes knowing your children and lots of wisdom that you as their mother can have through God’s help!

10. Be their biggest encourager.

No one should cheer louder than mama! Not just out on the football field, but every day. I have watched the best moms always encourage their children. They do not stomp on their four year old’s wild dreams, no matter how crazy (keeping their safety and discipline in mind). They do not allow the words “I can’t” in their child’s vocabulary. When that teen has had a rough day they are the first to remind them that they are special and full of worth!

11. Learn your child.

If we have heard it once we have heard it a thousand times, each one is so different! When no two are alike it can be hard to learn what works for one and what works for others. However it is so important that you learn your children. Learn what their strengths are, what their weaknesses are, their likes and dislikes, learn how they learn. It is hard not to give someone your heart when they know you by heart.

12. Always listen first. Never assume you know where they are just because you’re mom.

Isn’t it funny how quickly our biggest assets can become our biggest obstacles? That mom instinct! It is a powerful thing, a wonderful tool, and it can be wrong. I have seen this play out in the lives to two mothers who handled situations with their teenage boys very opposite. One always jumped to conclusions because…well- she was mom! She just KNEW what he was doing. Through the years of this constant assuming, never listening the boy became angry and their relationship was strained.

The other mother made it a priority to always seek information before jumping to what she knew could be faulty conclusions. Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn’t. She knew she must gather all the information before knowing the truth. And she was patient enough to do it! The boy, though often wrong, grew to love and respect his mother more.

We are not all knowing. Mom instinct is wonderful but it can fail.

13. Pray!

I think one thing all the best moms have in common is they realize they need help from the Lord to be the mother they need to be. They rely on Him for wisdom in every decision, help for their problems and their children, and all the tiny details of the day. Knowing where our strength comes from and trusting in Him causes us to cease from all the fear of what we cannot do for our children and rest in what He can.

14. Make the house of God your priority.

Another couple mom’s come to mind who learned early in their mothering years that the best place for their children was the house of God. They determined to be there, even if it meant just sitting in a nursery or wrestling toddlers all through the service. That is truly where our families receive help! We lead by example. What we prioritize will set the direction for what our children value as important.

15. Be watchful.

As mothers part of our responsibility is to watch for possible dangers. The best mothers watch who is having influence with their children. Who are their friends (children and adults alike)? Who do they gravitate to and what kind of attitudes are rubbing off? Do they have direct access to technology and the dangers of the internet? We live in a world where it is so easy to get sucked into our own tasks or even entertainment but we must be watchful!

16. Always treat their father with the same respect you want in return from your children.

I can remember serval times my mom apologizing to us children for not treating my dad right. She would often follow it by acknowledging the fact that we had been having bad attitudes with her because her attitude toward dad’s authority was not one of submission. Our example of obedience and a good attitude will often be reflected in our children’s behavior to us. If we are not where we should be in submission to our husband, and ultimately the Lord, why should we expect anything more from our children?

17. Know your boundaries.

I have watched many good mamas of married children have to go through the season of changing roles. Some come through it wonderfully, not overstepping boundaries and just falling right into their new place in their child’s life. Others struggle, commenting where they have no place, constantly calling, worrying, fussing. As much as you will always be the mother of your child there is a time when this relationship looks different than ever before. For the sake of a good relationship with your children you must learn to take a few steps back. They will do just fine, after all, you taught them everything they know!

18. Build a friendship.

Along with setting boundaries, it is very important as the seasons change to build a friendship with your children! All the best and lasting mother/child relationships thrive through a well developed understanding and bond like no other friendship. Imagine being best friends with someone you had part in making! They know you inside and out (literally!). Often with adult children this falls on the mother to pursue, while still recognizing boundaries of course. As hard as that transition phase from childhood to adulthood and the giving up of your role what a blessing the transition to friend!

19. Always point them to Christ. Not your opinions.

One mother in particular stands out in my mind when I think about this. As mothers it is so easy to quickly give our opinion on matters instead of pointing our children to Christ and their relationship with Him. I am not saying we need to preach sermons or never offer advice but that we should learn to always direct our children back to the Lord, not just our opinion of what they should do or the decisions they should make.

20. Trust the Lord.

When all is said and done, you have done the best you knew how. Maybe things do not turn out exactly how you had hoped. Your child is away from the Lord. They have no respect for your choice to live for Christ even though you raised them in a godly home, made church the priority, taught them all the verses. When we have done all we can I am so glad we can trust the Lord with the hearts of our children. As a young mother it can become a very scary thing to think about our children turning eighteen and throwing it all away. Even now, we can trust Him! He made our precious children with a purpose. As long as they are breathing there is hope.

We have this promise, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. They may seem like they have escaped it but I firmly believe the truth of this verse is that they will never be able to get away from the Truth we have instilled.

My heart goes out to you if you are a mama in this situation. I have no idea how that must feel, and I pray I never have to. Can I just remind you that you can trust the Lord with that wayward child? Young mamas, we can trust the Lord! This world is wicked, seeking to devour everything that we try to train into our children but we have such a mighty God who is able to keep them. We need not spend our time worrying and fearful of what may happen to our children. We can rest in the power of a God who always keeps His promises and is completely, infinitely trustable.

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Being the Example

Written by Katie Ledbetter

When you become a mom you become an instant teacher. No one really tells you just how much babies don’t know. They also can never prepare you for the amount of learning you will be pouring into each life. With all this teaching comes one major handicap – the ability to shut it off when it comes to other people. 

Women were designed to fill a need. God made Adam and gave him a job to do, but when He made Eve He simply made her so the man would have a help meet for him – he wouldn’t have to be alone. That leaves women with the unique ability to hone in on what needs in others are. When we see the needs we desire to meet the needs. This ability extends to our husband’s and then goes farther to our children and quite often to anyone in our circle. 

When you take the ability to fulfill needs, and the natural ability to teach and nurture, it is a wonderful thing when targeted at children. It gives empathy, sympathy, compassion, and discipline to our little ones. When targeted at our husband’s these wonderful traits can become annoying. 

Proverbs 19:13
A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. 

Proverbs 27:15-16
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself. 

Contention means to rule, to judge, to strive, a contest or quarrel, brawling. You see when we are the authority over our children we generally don’t allow them to be contentious, but when we as wife’s try to teach our husband’s a thing or two it places us as the authority and any man who’s a real man is going to see this as a challenge. 

You were created to be your husband’s wife not his mother.

This is the most important attribute your children will learn from you.  They will learn how to love and respect their father by how you love and respect him. Order in the home is so important. When Eve received her curse from God in the garden it ended in a way that most women today have a hard time stomaching. 

Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 

The husband was given a hard job that day, harder than the woman by far I believe. He had to rule (to govern) over his wife. This will never be an easy job for a man who has a wife unwilling to recognize her husband’s authority as given by God. When Eve was deceived in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3:1-6) the serpent was speaking in plural forms. He was using pronouns like, “ye” and “your”. Those pronouns in Old English are plural. He was speaking to Eve about her and Adam. Eve then answers for herself and Adam with pronouns like, “We” and “ye”.

The whole conversation between Eve and the serpent is had with Adam there. The end of verse 6 says, “and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.” The first thing the accuser of the brethren did to deceive man was get his wife involved in making decisions for their future right in the face of her husband. He is still doing that today. 

The hardest thing you’ll ever do as a young wife and mother is put yourself in your place. The hardest thing you’ll continue to do is keep yourself there. You will have so many opportunities to do one of two things in your home, 1) Shut up and follow or 2) Stand up and fight. Notice I didn’t say lead because standing up to lead is going against The Word of God and His mandate for your home. It will ALWAYS end in a fight. 

Proverbs 21:9,19
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. 

Proverbs 25:24
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. 

Young wife and mother learn this: 

1. You were created to be your husband’s wife, not his mother. 
2. You are a help meet for him. When he needs help he will ask for it. Help is not help when you feel ran over. 
3. It’s not your job to teach him anything. That’s God’s job. 
4. When he is wrong God will correct him. 
5. Have compassion for him in knowing you are not accountable for his failures but he is.
6. Take joy and peace in accepting that you can only control you, so choose to control you well.
7. Rejoice with your husband. Be his friend and learn to have fun with him! Encourage him in his God-given purpose.
8. Let God be his God, let Jesus be His Saviour, let The Holy Spirit be his guide. He has a Creator and he does not need a re-creator. Don’t desire to be an idol he worships and changes for.  
9. Pray for him in his role as the leader. 
10. Teach your children how to treat their daddy. Your example will show them how to love, honour, and respect their father. 

When you think your husband is in the wrong run to I Peter 3 and just begin to read. Don’t speak words you’ll regret, don’t become contentious, don’t pick a fight or be provoked into one, stop, steal away, and pray. Pray for him to have eyes that see truth and a tender heart to receive it.  Pray for him to be wise in his decision making. Pray that The Lord will bless him in everything he does and fulfill his dreams. Then pray The Lord will help you love him more. It’s hard to stay angry with someone or controlling over them when you give them to The Lord and desire to love them more. 

This job you’ve been given of teaching your children is not always easy. It will only be harder if you show them an example of a mother who never has to obey. Why should they obey you if you won’t obey God?

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How You Can Make a Difference

by Angela Ruckman

Have you ever desired to be a woman who makes a difference?

I have. Many times, as we think of making a difference, we remember those who accomplished some great deed for which they are forever remembered or those who made a positive impact on their world. Of course, as Christians, we think of accomplishing something for Christ that will make an eternal difference. We aren’t interested in the fame but rather in the impact that a life lived for Christ will make.  My point: we tend to think in terms of a one-time act or giant decision that makes a huge difference.

Eve’s decision to take a small bite of fruit was huge disobedience with eternal consequences.

As I have been studying the life of Eve, I have been reminded that it is often the little – seemingly insignificant – daily choices that have potential to make the biggest difference. We all know the story: Eve’s decision to take a small bite of fruit was a huge disobedience with eternal consequences. Her choice had an immediate effect in her own life, but the ramifications continued to her children and grandchildren. If only she could have gone back and made a different choice, she longed for the close fellowship she once had with the Lord. Life now held so much pain; Adam had to work so hard. Waves of anguish must have crushed her soul as she looked at Abel’s dead body and considered that his death and Cain’s becoming a murderer might have not happened. If only…

You see, daily decisions have huge difference – making potential.

So, I want to challenge us as wives and mothers, your daily life choices are making a difference. Your choice to have a daily walk with the Lord will impact your life, but it may also enable you to be a lighthouse to someone about to be shipwrecked, to have the discernment to speak “a word fitly spoken”.  Few children grow to be mature, Godly adults without loving, consistent discipline from a mother who chooses training over pleasure. Your decision to be a virtuous woman will reap the benefits of a healthy home and a happy husband. If at first you don’t succeed, repent, and try again. The rewards are worth the trouble!

Most of us will never be renowned for some great deed; but we can make a difference just by making godly choices every day.

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Looking for Grace in Every Situation

Do you find that you get easily overwhelmed by life lately? Even the smallest of situations sometimes can get my brain spinning out of control and my emotions rising! I’m learning that every season of life brings its own set of challenges and if I’m not careful I can become so easily overwhelmed by it all.

Maybe this does not fit where you are right now. Life definitely has its ups and downs and perhaps you are on an up. Whatever season of life you are in right now, can I challenge you to look for the grace in every situation? Let me explain what I mean by this.

Living Life Moment by Moment

When we begin to live life moment by moment we realize we need grace for each of those moments. Maybe it is dealing with a fussy child while trying to knock at least one thing off your to-do list. Maybe it’s those few hours of homeschooling that you just aren’t feeling today. Maybe you are coming to the end of your day and you feel you just do not have the energy left to finish the tasks at hand.

We truly do need God’s help every moment of every day. When we realize this it gives us the opportunity to look for Him and His grace in every situation.

James 4:6 says, “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble.”

When we humble ourselves we accept the grace that he has to offer. When we are prideful and fail to realize we need His help in every area we are forfeiting the blessing of the grace we need to handle life. You will never have to look very hard to find the grace you need when you are taking every matter to Him with a heart of trust.

What looking for grace in every situation will do for you?

1. It will cause you to be mindful of your need for grace.

This echos what I have already stated, but you cannot see grace if you do not recognize your need for it. Looking for the grace makes us have to acknowledge the Giver of that grace. We realize our need the more we lean into it.

2. It will relieve your overwhelmed mind and troubled heart.

We really cannot be overwhelmed by things when we realize that they are out of our control and completely in His! When we are in a hard moment but we choose to let His grace work in the situation, all anxiety, frustration, and inner turmoil must cease. The situation may not be better, but our attitude will be.

3. It will promote a heart of thankfulness.

When we reflect on the day, our struggles, and our responses to those struggles, we will find (if we are trusting Him to order the day) that His grace was present in every moment. His grace helps us have the right attitude when we would rather snap. It strengthens us to keep going when we are tired and just want the day to be over! It gives us wisdom on how to correct a child when we really don’t know what we are doing. At the end of these long days, when we see His grace was present, let’s be so thankful!

We are looking. Where do we find it?

Have you ever tried looking for grace but you just can’t seem to find it? Were you looking in the right spot?

Hebrews 4:16 says,
Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

You will always find grace in prayer.

I love the phrase “in time of need”. Just when we need it He will supply the grace. We just have to realize our need and humble ourselves to ask for it.

We can come boldly by grace to the throne of grace to ask for grace!

And there is no limit!

Maybe you are having a really rough day and you just have to keep going to Him to ask for more. “He giveth more”! He will never run out of grace and He will not turn away those who need more.

I’m reminded of this hymn written by an invalid woman who truly understood the meaning of this “looking for grace”…

“He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater. He giveth more strength when the labors increase. To added affliction, He adddeth His mercy. To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace. His love has no limits. His grace has no measure. His power has no boundaries known until man. For out of his infinite riches in Jesus. He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.”

Look for grace single girl, wife, mamma. He is a faithful Supplier!

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What is My Job as a Stay at Home Wife and Mom

Written by Katie Ledbetter

“That’s YOUR job!” Words every wife and mother loves to hear – said with an eye roll bigger than the moon. I’ve read a lot of articles about what a woman’s job is and what her roll and place is. I see heaps and heaps of responsibility that get laid on a woman’s shoulders. Sadly, I’ve seen a lot of women break under that pressure to perform like a circus monkey too. So, young stay at home wife and/or mother what IS your job? 

You don’t have one! A job is a vocation. It’s something we go to as a way to build an income. Being a stay at home wife and mother is NOT a job, it’s a given position by God. When we look at things in the proper perspective we can then find the best way to deal with any negativity we are experiencing in that area of life. 

What does a job consist of? 

1. A job is optional. Even if it’s your sole dependency is still a choice. 
2. A job is changeable. You can go from one job to another to better yourself or just to find something new. 
3. A job can become monotonous. You’re doing the same thing over and over and over again.
4. A job is income based. You make money at work and you have benefits. 
5. You are under scrutiny and fear of losing your job if you don’t perform to a certain standard.
6. You have a competitive spirit at a job. To be promoted you have to be willing to step on others to get ahead. 
7. Your goal on a job is to be the eventual leader of the whole place.
8. On a job you clock out. There are set hours of business. 
9. You do not carry your work home. You lay down the job at the door and pick it up on your next shift.
10. Your co-workers from your job do not come home with you. 

When we look at a God-given position as a job you can only imagine from the list above how easy it would be for this to hurt and not help your home. That list, when brought into a home, is going to bring: fear, insecurities, negativity when comparing, and a challenge with your authority. So, if being a stay at home mom is not a job then what is it?

What is a God-given position?

1. It is freedom to be an individual. 
2. It is placement as you take up your role under your husband’s authority.
3. It is non-competitive as each individual gets to bring their unique traits to the home. 
4. It is organization that best fits your design and desire within the walls of God’s Word.
5. It is unchangeable as you walk in your vows and God-given placement.
6. It is fluid as the daily tasks flow out of your hands and heart.
7. It is peaceful as you realize you do not have to go into the world and be surrounded by sin every day. 
8. It is opportunity to study God’s Word and beg for wisdom as you guide the home. 
9. It is building as you form relationships around you seeking to meet the needs of others. 
10. It is sacrificial as you learn it is more blessed to give than to receive. 

Being a stay at home mom in this pressurized world is not always easy. This world says we have to have all the things and should look out for number one. If we don’t take care for ourselves first we can’t take care of others is a daily motto I read on social media. The truth is we, as women, from the beginning were designed to care for others. Eve was placed in the garden to be a compliment to Adam. It’s in a woman to try to find areas of compliment in the lives of those around her. Always seeing the needs can be at times challenging when your needs may go unmet. The best way to not get burnt out, overly exhausted, and bitter is to STOP looking at your position as a job and start looking at it as a God-given life placement.

Who’s going to make the meals if you don’t? Who’s going to clean the house if you don’t? Who’s going to care for your children if you don’t? Who’s going to make your husband smile if you don’t? Who is going to teach your children if you don’t? Who is going to pray for your family if you don’t?

Momma, wife, in a world that says you’re replaceable stick your tongue out to it and remind yourself that in your home you’re invaluable. God placed you there!!! Don’t trade that security for the insecurities of looking at it as a job. On the days when you feel stuck, unappreciated, taken advantage of, and are wishing for a change or a way out take time to realize you’re seeing your position once again as a job. Don’t quit or fire the staff. Pick up God’s Word and refresh your mind. So many women who have no choice but to go to work every day would change places with you in a heartbeat! The Lord placed you here for a reason not a season. Look to the old paths – find a godly, aged woman and learn from her. Walk in those old paths set before us and find “rest for your souls”.

Jeremiah 6:16 KJV
Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.

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How to Make Your New Year Goals Actually Happen This Year

The new year is always filled with dreams, goals, and hopes! As we enter it we begin to reflect on the past year, all of its accomplishments, and all of its failures. Many times I am amazed to find that I did not accomplish what I desired in some areas, while in other areas I seemed to grow. I certainly do not have all the answers! However, after some deep analyzation of what goals were actually achieved, I made a list that may help you make your goals for the new year become a reality.

1. Make sure your goals are actually achievable.

This is so important! How often have we made the goals so unreachable, only to find ourselves discouraged when we do not reach them? I am in no way suggesting that we should not challenge ourselves. Only make sure they are attainable. You may find that over time you need to adjust your goals to work for your schedule and that is okay!

Setting goals that are unreasonable for yourself will lead to disappointment and eventually burnout as you try to achieve but constantly fail. Take into consideration your workload as a whole and ask yourself “Will this goal push me to achieve more or encourage me to do less?” The more we feel like we are failing, the less motivated we become to grow in that area.

Are you wanting to spend more time in your devotional life this year? Instead of setting a goal to read fifteen chapters a day and pray for an hour, try starting with two chapters and fifteen minutes in prayer. As you are able, do more.

2. Choose goals that work for YOU.

In the age of social media, we are probably seeing others share their new year goals. Sometimes this sparks ideas in our own minds of what we should (or think we should) be doing ourselves. I am not saying this is always bad, sometimes we find great ideas we never would have come up with on our own. However, we often set expectations for our lives that are not reasonable for the season we are in.

Our responsibilities, personalities, seasons of life, etc. should all determine what our new year goals are. Just because it works for someone else does not mean it works for you. Just because someone on social media, a friend, or a family member sets a goal does not mean you have to. Give yourself grace in what you expect of yourself this year.

3. Set short-term goals to help you reach ultimate goals.

Setting short-term goals to reach bigger goal helps to prioritize your efforts for maximum effectiveness. When you break down your yearly aspirations into monthly, weekly, and daily goals the successfulness of these goals increases. If your goal is to save $5,000 this year, come up with a plan weekly that will help you achieve the goal. If you are wanting to wake up earlier this year, begin by waling up earlier and easier every few days. Big goals are achieved by the every day mundane tasks of life.

4. Be Accountable.

I remember one year as a teenager I had a specific weight loss goal. Because I knew I hate exercising, I decided to ask a friend if she would help me be accountable to the goal I had set for myself that year to exercise. I would text her daily to let her know that I had done my work out. She was not obligated to respond if she was busy. On days that I did not text she would ask if I had exercised. This was enough to keep me motivated to work towards my goal and I had great success!

Maybe you are a more benefits based person and the disappointment of just communicating accountability is not enough. You could try asking a friend to hold twenty dollars for the week and you may only get it back at the end of the week if you have been successful at reaching the goal. Come up with a way that works for you in the area of accountability. You may have to get creative but it will be well worth it!

5. Write them down and review them often.

I often get to the end of the year and as I begin to reflect I realize there were several goals I set for myself that I simply just forgot! Maybe that just means they were not very important but it is still disheartening to think of what I could have accomplished. Whether you simply make a list or you are a vision board kind of person, definitely write down your goals for the year.

It is also important to write them down in a place where they can easily be reviewed. A few good ideas might be to keep a list on your phone, your computer, the refrigerator, in your Bible, or in the front of your yearly planner. Personally, I like to keep a list in multiple places to review throughout the year. I also try to evaluate them every month.

6. Just do them!

Maybe you have some very reasonable yet challenging goals for the year. I know I do!

The biggest part of reaching our goals is to just decide to do them. It’s deciding on the hard days to just get it done. It’s making up your mind on the days following sleepless nights with a sick child to just do it. Whatever the goal is, just do it.

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7. Plan for failure.

This may sound like a complete oxymoron considering what I just wrote but you need to plan for failure. Because life does happen and unexpected things do come up, you will likely miss the mark on some days. Do not let failure define your year because of a hard season of life! Get back at it as soon as you are able. Do not try to catch up for lost time, just begin again and give it the best you have.

8. Consider your goals prayerfully.

If anything we do is going to be done well we will have to do it prayerfully. First begin by asking the Lord what goals He would have you commit to this year, then pray daily for His help in fulfilling them. Also realize that some of your goals are completely out of your control. The desires of your heart are in His hands. Commit to Him about the hopes and dreams you have!

Psalm 37:5 Commit they way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

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All Natural Birth Story: Positive Hospital Birth of Our First Baby

Welcome to Jenna Rae’s natural birth story!

Our sweet baby girl was born on September 21, 2022. At the time of writing this she is six weeks exactly. Time is flying by but boy are we having fun!

positive all natural birth story in the hospital

I always dreamed of being a mama. Even as a little girl. In my teen years I never really had any dreams or ambitions of a career. The desire of my heart was to be a wife and mother. As amazing as I thought this life would be it does not begin to compare to the reality of a life lived for Jesus and allowing Him to fulfill the desires of your heart! To sum it all up, I feel extremely blessed!

But you are here for a birth story! so back to that.

Jenna’s birth story could be a bit lengthy so I will try to keep as many unnecessary details out as possible.

To fully understand we have to go back a bit further than the beginning of labor to our thirty two week ultrasound where we were told that Jenna was measuring a bit on the small side. Our doctor was not very concerned considering my husband and I were both relatively small babies (in the seven pound range). As well as the fact that I am a small built person.

They had us come back every week for an ultrasound just to make sure things were going well and she was continuing to grow at a steady rate.

Our Thirty-Eight Week Appointment

Things continued to go well until our thirty-eight week ultrasound. Jenna continued measuring small but maintained a steady growth rate until the week before at thirty-seven weeks. She was not dangerously low, just not gaining as much as the doctor would like. Everything else about her looked great.

When performing a growth scan, the ultrasound technician measures a baby’s head circumference, abdomen, and length of femur. At Jenna’s thirty-eight week appointment they noticed her head and femur were growing consistently but her abdominal measurements were bringing her percentile down. She had dropped from the seventh percentile to less than one percent in just a week.

The reason for this was that my placenta was no longer giving her what she needed to grow (this was likely due to an abnormal placement of the umbilical cord). Instead of her nutrients coming from my body she was having to use her own fat storage to provide for her development. Because of this it was decided that she would be better off out than in and I should be induced as soon as possible (the following morning).

Most people would probably not find this a big deal since voluntary inductions happen all the time at thirty eight weeks. However, I did not want to be induced at all! This was a LOT to process at once. I actually low-key had a mental break down in the doctor’s office!

I think it was mainly due to my lack of preparing for the unexpected. Everything in my pregnancy had gone according to text-book and had been extremely easy up to this point (minus major sleep issues my entire pregnancy!). We knew she was small but everyone kept assuring us that she was likely fine. My plan was to labor at home as long as I could, go to the hospital, and have my child naturally if I could handle the pain. This was a lot of information to take in. I did not realize until this point how secure I was in my own plans.

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The doctor was extremely kind and patient. She explained all the reasons for the induction being necessary. She respected my decision to have my child naturally and offered to try breaking my water to let my body go into labor on its own without having to use Pitocin.

By the time we left I had peace in abundance, even though I was still not thrilled with this interruption of my plans!

The Surprises Kept Coming.

This was not the last time Jenna would surprise us that day.

After leaving the doctor’s office, my husband and I called our parents to inform them of what was happening. Both sets said they would just pray I went into labor that evening on my own.

We headed out to Cheddar’s where my husband got us a quiet table in the back and we splurged on one last pre-baby meal. After our mini date we headed home to get prepared to be at the hospital at 6am. We packed hospital bags, set up the carseat, and I stress cleaned a few things then headed to bed.

Once in bed I started having a few contractions. I was used to having Braxton Hick’s contractions throughout pregnancy so I was not too concerned. Except they started coming more strongly and more regularly than before. I figured maybe it was just from the stress of the day and tried to relax.

By around two in the morning things had not changed at all, in fact I was more uncomfortable than when I laid down. Then I heard a strange sound. A few women had told me how they actually heard their water break. I was in denial! I only heard something, I did not feel any fluid. I decided I would get up and use the bathroom. I took a few steps and then came the fluid. It still was not more than a few drops but I was no longer in denial. This was it! Prayer worked!

I woke Jimmy up and began to try timing the contractions that were now much stronger. They were not extremely painful, just uncomfortable and very irregular. I could not even time them because they were so inconsistent. I remembered my mom saying that she could never go by contractions to indicate where she was at for any of her labors.

The doctor had checked my cervix earlier that day at my appointment and I was already dilated to a three. Because of this we decided it would probably be a good idea to go to the hospital instead of waiting it out at home and risk having Jenna in the car. A lot can happen in a twenty minute drive and this kid had been full of surprises already! Again, my plans were interrupted.

Active Labor

We made it to the hospital just fine around 3:30am. We got checked in and the nurse asked us her million questions then left us for a bit to “rest”. (I love how they leave your room in a hospital and tell you to try to get some rest then people keep coming in the room every ten minutes!)

Jimmy was able to sleep some and I just “rested” for a while.

At this point I was dilated at a four and eighty percent effaced. My pain level was around a two for the majority of my labor until transition. Contractions were quite uncomfortable but very manageable.

To be honest, I really enjoy contractions. Each one is a challenge to stay relaxed and in control. When you picture what is going on and how your body is working to bring that little life into the world can be pretty amazing!

The day drug on uneventfully the whole morning and afternoon. My contractions were getting stronger and more intense but the pain was still very manageable. I was GBS positive so by the afternoon they had already been able to administer several bags antibiotics via IV to decrease risk of infection and possible harm to baby. The baby’s heart rate remained great the entire labor and we were sailing along beautifully.

Transition

By around four o’clock in the afternoon I began to switch from active labor to transition. My pain at this point was around a six or seven during contractions and I was finding it much harder to relax through the pain. Breathing became different as well. I had to really change up my whole strategy to remain in control.

Before transition I found that counter pressure was very helpful. My husband would gently press in on my lower back during a contraction. Even at the beginning of transition this was working until I was in full transition. At this point it was no longer relieving.

By around five o’clock I was exhausted. My face, neck, and arms were numb from lack of oxygen due to not breathing correctly. The nurse said I was low-key hyperventilating and needed to try to breathe longer and deeper through my contractions. I was dilated at a seven and at this point I was very much done!

I remember feeling like I was not going to be able to do this. I knew if I was going to make it the rest of the way without medication or just giving up from exhaustion I needed to do something to regain control. I asked my doctor if I could take a shower. I honestly do not know why I thought of this but I am so glad I did! She was hesitantly fine with it. I am pretty sure I was freaking the nurses out. One of them decided to stay in the room and leave the bathroom door cracked in case I started to go into labor.

I made it through the shower just fine and it helped immensely! It was just what I needed to boost my energy and help me refocus during that last leg of the journey.

By around seven the shifts had changed and I got the best nurse! They were all really great but this particular one was a mom of seven who had all of her children naturally/unmedicated. She gave some great tips!

From seven o’clock to nearly eight I remained dilated at a nine. I was so close to a ten but I had just a small piece of cervix that was not fully expanded. Talk about discouraging being that close but not able to just be done!

The pain and pressure were building intensely. My nurse said that when things were ready I should feel a pressure like I had not felt before, almost like the need to poop. While I was waiting on this magical pressure, she prepared the room and my mind for delivery.

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This was a big help to keep me focused. It made me feel like I knew what I was doing, even though I had no clue! As she was explaining that I would push for ten seconds three times, then take a break I was wondering if I would have enough air and energy to push ten whole seconds. (You seriously think of the strangest things during labor!) Because I was so concerned that I would not be able to do it I decided I should practice. I waited for a contraction and lightly pushed/held my breath for ten seconds. I could do it!!

After my practice push I felt that unbelievable pressure the nurse described. We called her back into the room and after a final cervical check she said I was complete and it was time to push. I was so energized and relieved!

When the doctor came in I clearly remember her saying, “This could take anywhere from thirty minutes to three hours.”. I just remember looking at the clock (8:02pm) and thinking to myself “There is no way I’m pushing three hours! This baby is out of here by nine o’clock!”.

I pushed for twenty minutes and after eighteen hours of labor our precious girl was born at 8:28pm.

There is nothing like the feeling of a long awaited treasure placed on your chest! Instant love beyond description.

Jenna weighed five pounds eight ounces and was seventeen inches long. She is a healthy baby girl, still tiny but so quickly making up for it!

I can not wait to see where life takes us! Already so many memories have been made and so many lessons have been learned through the blessing of you. Welcome to the world sweet Jenna Rae.

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