Little Wife in the Woods

How to Enjoy Motherhood: 8 Things to Try in Those Not So Enjoyable Moments

This post is a part two of the post How to Enjoy Motherhood in the Little Years. In that post we discussed practical tips for how to enjoy all the different aspects of life with little people. In this post we will dive into practical ways you can adjust your mindset and routine when motherhood is less than enjoyable.

enjoying motherhood main image

*We are Tori and Anna- moms in the trenches with three babies between us under the age of three. We are not professionals. We are not seasoned mothers. We’re just young moms going through birth, postpartum, and these little years with you, giving our fresh perspective on motherhood as we enjoy the journey ourselves.

1. Adjust Your Mindset for Enjoying Motherhood

Mindset is everything. Don’t think, “Oh no, I have to stop and feed the baby,” think, “I get to stop and feed my baby.” When I (Anna) plan to go out and run errands, I actually plan and alot places for making those little pit stops to care for my baby. It becomes something I look forward to. A chance to pause and rest for a few moments before heading to the next task. If you treat your children like an inconvenience, even accidentally, they will pick up in it. Children feed off of your emotions. They will reflect your attitude back at you.

My little one doesn’t sleep well, and pretty much never has no matter what I’ve tried. He is almost a year old and has never slept without waking multiple times a night. I could choose to be bitter about this and complain, but I chose a different perspective. I chose to see it as “extra” time with him. The years go fast even when the nights are long, so I’ll be grateful for all the nights pacing with a restless baby.

2. Choose to Enjoy the Pace of Motherhood

We discussed this a bit in our previous post (if you haven’t read that yet we highly suggest you read that post as well!). If you are an on the go kind of person it can be hard to just enjoy slowing down at the pace of babies and young children. Even if your personality more laid back it can be aggravating that it takes twice as long (or longer) just to get out the door, get to bed, clean your house, etc.

“The more you fight against the season you’re in the less joy you will find in it.”

Embrace the slower pace, the night wakings, the sticky messes and you’ll find beauty in the hard places.

Anna

Embrace the fact that it is going to take you five times longer to do anything you did before having babies. It’s ok, in fact I believe it should be celebrated. I truly believe God designed this pace for mothers. When you embrace it, you will learn how to enjoy it. You will stay stressed and become bitter with your children if you have the mindset that they’re constantly slowing you down.

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Does your coffee support your values? Seven Weeks coffee is saving lives by donating 10% of every purchase to pro-life causes that give women access to ultrasounds, prenatal care, and mental health support- ultimately saving lives of precious babies! Not only does it support pro-life values, but the coffee is tastes amazing, is direct trade from trusted farmers, and is mold/toxin free. If you are looking for an active way to support the right to life try out Seven Weeks! Use my link below and the code TORI10 at checkout to save 10% on your first order.

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3. Don’t Expect Everything Out of Yourself

We’re all in different seasons. Know what your capacity is for your season. Don’t overload yourself with optional tasks, and end up so stressed out over them that you can’t serve your family well. Learn how to say, “No, I can’t do that right now.”

More tasks are optional than you think. It may not be your season to cook for all of the church dinners, volunteer for nursery, do bus route, go to prayer, be at every ladies meeting, and show up to every birthday party, and football game, all while training littles, managing a home and being there for your husband. It isn’t possible, and you will run yourself into the ground trying to be something for everyone.

Prioritize. For us, this looks like my walk with The Lord, my husbands needs, our child’s needs, and the health of our home (spiritual, physical and emotional), and then church and the ministries at church we are responsible for. This isn’t an excuse to get out of things. When run properly, your home should run cohesively with your local church. You’ll have to learn your balance between ministry and home life. Everyone’s is a little different, but this isn’t an excuse to avoid responsibilities. The Lord expects service in your home and in His house. You just need to learn to operate where He expects you to be and not in others’ expectations.

It’s about serving in a way where each area gets the best of you, not the rest of you.

Anna

4. Keep Your Focus and Priorities Right

This piggy backs off the last point…

Juggling priorities as a wife and mother can be overwhelming. We are creatures of constant motion! When things start to get off balance when it comes to my priorities I generally find my children less enjoyable. They can be doing the same things they always do but when my priorities get out of whack I find their presence interrupting and annoying. Off balance or just slacking in areas does not bring out the best mom in me. I need to constantly check myself to be sure I have my priorities right and that I am able to fulfill them.

Of course my children are one of my top priorities. However, when other things are slacking or being ignored I often find myself trying to get by with the bare minimum as a mom instead of making advancements. This is not fair to my children, nor is it any way to truly enjoy the gift of motherhood.

So how do you overcome this balancing act of priorities? I am still learning! This is what I’ve learned works for me so far…

Keep God first. This is hard with littles constantly demanding to be first place over everything in life. And they definitely should be close to the top of that list! However, I find that when I put God first all the other things find a place in a smoothness I could never create on my own without Him.

Make a list of your top ten priorities in the season you are in right now. Arrange them in order of importance (some things will be close or intertwined in importance but do your best to be honest and realistic). I’m my case the top four to five on the list are truly the most important things. When life gets crazy, as long as I am striving to keep those five plates spinning we call it a win.

Be ready to pivot. Some days things on the priority list have to shift and that has to be okay. It does not mean you failed if some things had to take a backseat. Motherhood is constantly pivoting and regrouping.

5. Remember You Are in a Season

Whatever is not so enjoyable about motherhood right now will quickly be gone. Maybe that helps give you some relief. Maybe that makes you realize that it is not as big of a deal as it seems.

Let me be clear- some seasons of motherhood are not enjoyable. Enjoying motherhood is not about pretending those seasons do not exist but choosing to find joy in the midst of those seasons. It is refusing to focus on the unenjoyable moments and letting them cloud out the beauty in every day, ordinary motherhood.

Tori

It is not wrong of you to feel like motherhood is not enjoyable when you are going through the postpartum blues, or a tough stage of training a toddler, or sickness with a baby. These are hard and they are definitely not enjoyable! But they do pass! And we cannot let these things rob us of the joy and blessing of being a mother.

So whatever hard season you are in right now shift your mindset by remembering- it’s just a season.

6. Take a Deep Breath

Sometimes motherhood is less enjoyable, not because of anything my children are doing, or a specific season but because I am overwhelmed. Maybe lots of things are going on in my mind or I have a lot to get done and just can’t get it together. Regardless of the reason, when I’m being snappy or short with my children I find that going to a quiet place just for a few seconds to take a deep breath grounds me. It brings me back into focus. I breathe a short prayer as well many times. Then I go about my tasks without viewing my children as a constant annoyance.

If I am very overwhelmed, days on end, with minimal relief or I have been experiencing a very difficult season I try to take a few hours to be alone with nothing to do but relax during nap time.

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7. Ask for Help

It does not make you a bad mother to ask for help. Repeat it with me. It does not make you a bad mother to ask for help.

It doesn’t mean you’re unqualified or incapable of being a mother if you ask for help. Everyone needs help with something at some point in their lives. It would be a disservice to your family for you to struggle along, needing help, but not be willing to ask for it. They’ll learn many of their behaviors from you, especially the traits they carry into adulthood. Would you want your child to desperately need help but never ask for it because they thought it’d make them look weak? They’ll learn first from you.

8. Just be Thankful

No matter how rough your season of motherhood is it could always we worse. If you have healthy babies you have more than some mamas do. To have this blessing of motherhood at all is such a gift!

When I find myself in a low place and find motherhood more of a burden than a blessing -and we all do at times- what helps me most is to stop and just be thankful.

Tori

Wherever you’re at remember you used to pray for the things you have now! Those little people are gifts, blessings to cherish and enjoy.

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How to Enjoy Motherhood in the Little Years

Hi littles mama! We see you- running around trying to keep all these little people alive. You’re doing a fantastic job by the way! Ever feel like you’re just trying to survive another day of motherhood? That if you can just make it to bedtime you might stay sane another day? We’ve definitely been there!

We are Tori and Anna. Moms of little people just like you! Currently between us we have three children- just turned two, about to turn one, and a ten month old. We definitely feel the crazy!

motherhood graphic

Just like you, we long to enjoy these days, not just become survivors of motherhood. These days are short, precious, and let’s be honest- sometimes they are hard. We long to make the most out of them and truly say on the other side of this season- “Wow! Those were good days!”

We are not pros. We definitely are still learning this thing of mothering little people. But we truly love it- and so can you! We’ve compiled a list of very practical, everyday scenarios and pain points that may help you navigate this season of little…

Leaving the House with Littles

This can be a major pain point as a new mom with a little, or two! Each new child you add changes the dynamic of getting out the door, in the car, then to and through the destination. We all know those moms who always get a sitter for grocery shopping or errand running. And hey- if that’s you, I don’t blame you a bit!

However some of us who do not live close to family or find getting out of the house for a bit a refreshment have to figure out how to do it with these little people.

I will say at first I found this complicated and somewhat frustrating. Even with just one baby it seemed impossible to get out the door smoothly and run an errand without interruption. Then about the time I (Tori) got it figured out with my first baby a second one came along and it was time to learn all over again!

Here are a few things we learned about leaving the house with littles absolutely dread free…

  • Plan plan plan, but be okay with your plan not working! Where are you going? How long do you expect to be gone? Will the baby/toddler need to eat within that time frame? What can you bring along to keep them busy? Thinking through all these things will help you plan your outing. Think through things like when your baby will need to eat. Add a bit of time for a nursing stop if you are breastfeeding. Then be okay if your plan has to change. Motherhood is constantly pivoting!
  • Homemade bottle warmer. We all have a thermal cup somewhere (or ten!). Boil water and place it in a thermos with a lid. This will serve as a bottle warning station that will allow you to quickly heat up a bottle any time you are out. You can even hear it up while you are driving and have a bottle ready to go when you reach your destination.
  • Know it’s going to take twice as long and just go with the flow. Keep your expectations low. Do not think you can cram all the things into one day. Look at your list of errands. See what absolutely must be done. Do those things first and if things are going well continue through your list until everyone is done.
  • Practice! It gets better. The more you go out with a baby, the better you’ll be at it. It’s hard, it’s really hard at first actually, but you’ll get better and soon it’ll be second nature. I (Anna) remember being terrified the first time I took my baby to the doctor without my husband. But now, baby is just my little errand buddy.
  • Train your toddler for parking lot safety. This was a terrifying thought for me (Tori) when it came to leaving with two under two. In fact I didn’t go in any stores for a few months. The logistics of getting two babies out of the car and into a cart safely was a bit stressful. I began by training my toddler when we got in/out of the car to hold the back tire beside me and to not move while I buckled her sister in. Now she instantly, without even being told (although I still remind her plenty!), will place both hands on the tire and wait until I get sister out and grab her hand.
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Have you heard of my friends over at Earthley Wellness? They are dedicated to providing 100% natural products for the whole family! They have everything you need from hormone support, vitamins and mineral supplements, herbal remedies for colds, fevers, headaches, and so much more. I have been using their products in our home for nearly a year now and we love them! Go check them out and save 10% when you use my link below and the code HELLONATURAL at checkout!

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Enjoying God with Littles

God has a special way of meeting women and mothers where they are if they’ll make the effort to draw near to Him first. As mothers, we rarely get the opportunity to go spend five hours in the woods communing with God. Especially when you’re in the season of having littles. He understands this and will still meet with you while babies crawl around at your feet, and toddlers are smearing snot across the window. Make the effort, and He will honor it.

If you are already communing with The Lord, you’ll be grateful for what you catch at the back door bouncing a baby or in the nursery listening to babies screams overpower the speaker for the service.

Just do. With them, without them. Quiet, not quiet. If you’re waiting on the perfect circumstances you’ll rarely have time with God!

-Tori

Enjoying Church with Littles

A big part of enjoying church with littles will revolve around your daily walk with The Lord. If you treat church as your lifeline thrown to you while you’re drowning, you’ll die spiritually every time you have to step out of service with a baby. You’ll feel empty if you require filling in every service just to survive until the next. If you’ve been walking with God throughout your week, church will feel like a bonus to your spiritual life, not the only thing keeping you afloat.

I’m not trying to discount the importance of being at and in church. What I mean is this, if you as a mother have no daily walk with The Lord and treat church like your spiritual lifeline thrown to you before you drown in your week, then you’ll grow cold and die when you miss a service taking your baby out. It has never and will never be the churches job to keep your closeness with God alive.

If you don’t want to live in the nursery, don’t start in the nursery!! If your baby learns that all they have to do is fuss a little, and they’ll get to go play in the nursery, then they’re going to fuss every service. If you were a child, would you rather sit still and be quiet or go play with toys? Babies will need to be taken out. We understand that, but don’t reward a behavior you don’t want to encourage. If I (Anna) have to take my baby out (and I do often), I address the issue (diaper, feeding, etc), and then we go right back in service.

I stay in the back to be as little of a disturbance as possible, but we’re still in service. I also don’t let them down most of the time. I don’t want my babies to think they can whine a little and get out of sitting through church. Adopt this mindset when they’re babies, and you won’t have to retrain toddlers. Now, there are exceptions I make at times if I know they’ve had a particularly hard day stuck in the carseat, traveling, and such. Know your child’s limit.

*I (Tori) can 100% stand by this statement and method of child training. It is hard, hard work in the beginning. However, now as a mom of a two year old I can already testify to the benefits of early, immediate church training. She certainly still has her days but our toddler can now sit through a two hour church service generally still and quiet for her age.

We realize that adopting this mindset is hard. Most of the child training years you will not be getting a whole lot out of the service as you try to train your baby to stay quiet, be still, and do so with a good attitude. However, it will be so worth it on the other end! Keep the end goal in mind. Don’t focus on the “failures” of yesterday’s church service. Just keep training. Keep working and soon you will look back to see the benefits of your efforts!

Bonus Tip:
For the last several years as I have tried to keep my babies in church, I have made my goal “one thing”. If I can just get “one thing” out of the service, one phrase of the message, one verse that was read, one testimony that encourages me- often I can take that one thing into my week and God will use it to feed my soul as I dwell and meditate on that “one thing”. Of course I often get more than one thing as I am faithful to God’s House but even in the rough services of child training and children acting up He is always faithful to give me “one thing” as I am faithful to listen.

-Tori

Enjoying Who the Are

Learning their little quirks and personality traits can be so fun. Some of them can also be annoying. Learning the difference between what is just them and what is unacceptable behavior can be tricky. When it’s who they are just embrace it. Try to shape them without braking who God made them, even if some of who they are is conflicting with your personality!

seven weeks coffee company

Does your coffee support your values? Seven Weeks coffee is saving lives by donating 10% of every purchase to pro-life causes that give women access to ultrasounds, prenatal care, and mental health support- ultimately saving lives of precious babies! Not only does it support pro-life values, but the coffee is tastes amazing, is direct trade from trusted farmers, and is mold/toxin free. If you are looking for an active way to support the right to life try out Seven Weeks! Use my link below and the code TORI10 at checkout to save 10% on your first order.

Click Here to Shop

For example, one of my (Tori) children is a hardcore extrovert (much like her dad!). I am most definitely not. Even as a baby this girl would attract so much attention and she absolutely loved it while I stood in horror at the fact that I had to talk to all these random strangers she was winning over! So much of me wanted to squelch that. Make quick exits away from people. Until I realized that this little girl has a gift and it is not mine to take away or to dampen. This is who God made her! She brightens people’s day in a way that only she can and that is not just for my enjoyment alone. It is a gift plenty big enough for all she meets!

Children change so often as they grow that sometimes it can feel like waking up to a new person each day. Get excited about it, look forward to learning more about this little person you birthed. You have the “best seat in the house” for this show.

-Anna

Enjoying the Pace of Littles

Embrace the fact that it is going to take you five times longer to do anything you did before having babies. It’s ok, in fact I believe it should be celebrated. I truly believe God designed this pace for mothers. When you embrace it, you will learn how to enjoy it. You will stay stressed and become bitter with your children if you have the mindset that they’re constantly slowing you down.

I (Tori) am a go-getter. I have to constantly have a project (or twelve!). As a new mom I almost felt so “held back” because this little person would not just let me do all the things! As the years have gone by I have both developed a flow so that I am able to have those life-giving projects while still keeping these little at the forefront of my priorities. After all, they are my funnest “project”!

I say all that for the mom who feels like she’s lost herself in motherhood. In many ways you have and that is not at all a bad thing. It is a beautiful, natural part of motherhood the way God designed it. If you feel a bit lost, just know, there are ways to develop a flow for those things that you enjoy. You may just find as your children get older those are the things they will adopt to enjoy as well!

“The more you fight against the season you’re in the less joy you will find in it.”

Embrace the slower pace, the night wakings, the sticky messes and you’ll find beauty in the hard places.

-Anna
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6 Reasons Knowing Jesus Makes Motherhood Different

I did not know when I got saved as a nineteen year old, unmarried young woman how much I would need God for motherhood. Today, as a young mom of two littles, I cannot even begin to imagine doing life apart from God- especially in this season of motherhood. Together, Anna and I compiled a list of just a few specific areas that knowing Christ has completely made a difference in the area of motherhood. We pray this will encourage you if you are a mother who knows Jesus. You are not in this thing alone! If you do not know Christ, have never trusted Jesus as your Saviour and repented of your sins, we pray this post will bring you to that place of understanding and that you will turn to Him.

-Tori

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Salvation

Just knowing Him makes all the difference- in marriage, in motherhood, in all of life! I am no longer the person I was before I knew Jesus. I have the ability, in Him, to face every day, every challenge with peace, joy, and self control. Do I always choose this? No. But do I have this power in Him- yes!!

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 14:27

Let me paint you a picture. As a nineteen year old girl I (Tori) was lost, confused, and so lonely. You would not know by looking at me. I looked pretty good on the outside. I grew up in church. I was honestly trying to be a good Christian. But I was doing it all apart from Christ. On the inside I was full of sun that I had no victory over. I was dirty and I knew it with no wat to cleanse myself of who I was- believe me, I tried! I was in constant turmoil with, never at rest. That is exactly the mother I would be today if it was not for salvation!

I cannot imagine facing all the challenges of life without a Refuge. Motherhood is beautiful. It is such a joy! Yet, if you are a mother you know that in all that joy there are times of darkness, lonely times, and fearful times. Trying to fathom facing every day life without an Anchor and a Rock is nearly impossible to comprehend!

When little people are coming to you for all the answers, it’s a privilege to have access to The One who actually has all the answers. I can’t imagine trying to raise babies with only my own wisdom to rely on. Salvation makes all the difference in your motherhood journey.

-Anna

Prayer

A benefit of salvation- knowing Christ and living in fellowship with Him, is being able to go to God at any time through prayer. Though many of us do not fully grasp the fullness of this blessing all those who know the Lord would tell you that without prayer life would be impossible. Being able to take anything to Him at any time as a mother brings so much comfort! (Read Hebrews 4:15-16)

I literally cannot imagine motherhood without the fellowship with God through prayer. It makes all the difference on the hard days, when my attitude isn’t what it should be, when things aren’t how I think they should be, when I’m not enough, when I feel lonely. Just the fact that I can take everything to Him- and He’ll never be over-burdened with my crazy mess! As the song says…

“What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.”

A Place to Go with all the Decisions

From the beginning of my pregnancy and even before really, my husband and I tried to bathe our baby in prayer.
One specific example of the importance of prayer in motherhood/pregnancy in my journey would be our choice to go with a hospital birth for our first baby. We debated between birth center, hospital, and homebirth, and though I wanted as least intervention as possible, I couldn’t get peace about a homebirth or birth center. We felt peace with a hospital birth, and specifically one with a NICU. I’m so thankful that we sought God’s wisdom because He knew where we needed to be. I ended up with PROM and delivered my preemie at 36 weeks.

-Anna

Learning to Lean on God Through the Power of Prayer as a Mother

Learning to lean on God through the power of prayer makes all the difference. Taking everything to Him throughout your pregnancy, birth, the newborn months, and everything beyond!

Prayer literally carried me (Tori) through labor. Not in a creepy or mystical way. Just knowing that someone who has gone through the most intense pain, the Maker of my body, and the one in complete control was with me.

Motherhood can get the label of being lonely. I get it, I’ve absolutely been there. But what if all the times you seemed lonely were the beckonings of a Holy God looking to commune with you. Instead of crying in the loneliness, what if you drew closer to The Father?

Mama, if you don’t know Jesus, TRULY know Jesus. If you have never turned from sin and asked Him to save you, then you have no access to Him in prayer. No matter how “good” you are. If you have never trusted in Him to be your everything you have no Lifeline in this crazy world of motherhood.

-Tori

Your Ministry of Prayer

Prayer isn’t just a privilege, although it certainly is! Prayer as a mother is your ministry. If you do not take the initiative to pray for your babies, who will?

There is great power in a mothers prayer. Not that mothers have some greater position with The Lord. But there’s something about the travail of a mama praying for her babies. That great love being poured out in an earnest plea before The Lord for her babies, and her home. It’s a passion unrivaled, in my opinion.

-Anna

The Bible

My Bible is EVERYTHING in motherhood! From the time that little line turns pink, through pregnancy, labor, and mothering littles- it has held me, carried me, guided my every step, and has never failed to help me mother my children.

We all hear it, “They don’t come with a guide book!” Mama, if you know Jesus, have a Bible, and you read it- THIS IS NOT TRUE! He did not give us these babies and leave us helpless. We HAVE a guidebook!

Whether you feel the effects of the Word in the moment or you feel nothing- read it!! You never know when things will suddenly help you down the road. You will look back after times of struggle and coldness to find that as you were faithful to read Gods Word is what propped you up all along. There are so many promises and directions given to mothers, specifically in The Bible.

This world will try to tell you that you can have your own truth. That anything you want to perceive as truth can be truth. I’m so grateful that’s not the case. I get overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated at times. My emotions can get the best of me. I don’t want to trust in me. It’s a blessing to have God’s Word to come to that I can trust in and get guidance. Trying to navigate motherhood without it would end in disaster.

Self Sacrifice

In being a mother, you are laying your needs and desires down to serve your family. It’s easy to fall prey to the snare of selfish desire and discontentment if you let your flesh lead. But if you’ll walk daily with The Lord and follow as He leads, you’ll find He’ll show you a beautiful mirror of how He cares for you in how He is teaching you to care for your babies. Sacrificing yourself to this calling is the most rewarding and fulfilling task you could ever do in life. Without knowing The Lord you can never understand the depth of dying to yourself daily and the fulfillment that comes with it. When following Him, it won’t even feel like a sacrifice as He makes your joy in Him so full! (Read Philippians 2:4-8)

Fruit of the Spirit

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 KJV

Do any of you Mamas ever need to be gentle or longsuffering in your motherhood journey? Yeah, that’s what I thought. How about love? Do you think love is essential in motherhood? All of the fruits of the Spirit are essential in motherhood. Trying to operate as a mother without Christ in your heart will produce burnout, frustration, and even resentment towards your family. Salvation is the most important decision you will make, and it will affect your entire home in ways you can’t begin to imagine.

The Church

I see women online all of the time looking for “their tribe” or trying to find friendship in motherhood. It’s an issue I never even realized was a problem for women because I’ve always been a part of a local church. I’ve built life-long relationships through being joined with the body of believers. If you’re not saved, you won’t feel that pull to God’s people. You’ll find you’re more comfortable with secular friendships. This will open up your children to secular influence at a very young age. Much before they’re able to “handle it” like you. This will cost your home a great price. More than you even realize in this moment.

The church is a priceless blessing as a mama. If you have littles you may feel like it is just not worth it right now. I’m sad to admit, I’ve been there. But it is so worth it! The fellowship of likeminded believers, mama’s just like you, and sisters who share in our struggles is a precious thing to be apart of! Raising our babies around people who truly love them (because they know God they know what true live is!!) is something you just can’t find anywhere else in the world.

We hope if you are a Christian that these things serve as reminders and encouragement for you in your motherhood journey! Never take for granted what we have in Christ. Let these things be your source of strength today, Mama. We have it all in Him!

-Anna and Tori
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Clingy Baby: What to Do with Your Velcro Baby

*Written by Anna Bourdess

Here is the definition of a velcro baby as given by Google:

A “velcro baby” is unusually clingy and doesn’t want to be put down. They may fuss or cry if they aren’t being held, and may only sleep on, with, or next to their caregiver.

how to care for a clingy baby

While it can be challenging to deal with a velcro baby, it’s often a sign of a healthy, secure attachment to a parent. This attachment is important for a baby’s healthy development.”

Pressure to Break the Clingy Baby Habit

I often hear that my baby is spoiled simply because he wants to be held a lot and is clingy to my husband and I. I’ve been told that I need to break that habit, leave him to cry, and force him to stay with others so that way he doesn’t get used to his Mama being around. Doesn’t get used to his Mama being around? I’m sorry, huh? What an ignorant thing to say.

I want my babies to know that Mama will always be around. After all, that’s a big part of my calling as a stay-at-home Mama. To be around for my babies. Listen, Mama, you know what’s best for your baby. If leaving them to scream doesn’t feel right for you, don’t do it. If your only reason for changing anything you do with your baby is someone else’s criticism, then don’t change. There will always be someone who disagrees with you.

Being a parent isn’t about making everyone else happy. It’s about doing what is best for your family, what works for you, and what pleases The Lord. I think there is something terribly messed up with a society that seems to have an obsession with stripping children from their parents. It starts as babies. Later on it’s disguised as public schooling, sports, or extracurricular activities, but in my opinion, it’s all a plot from the enemy to separate families. There is strength in a stable, united home and we start that foundation when they’re babies. We can’t build that if nobody is ever at home together.

Something to remember too mamas, that baby has lived inside your womb for it’s entire existence. It has been warm, had every nutritional need delivered immediately by the umbilical cord, and been nestled close with the sound of your heartbeat to comfort them. Coming into a world and feeling cold for the first time, experiencing loneliness, hunger, sounds louder than ever before, that’s a lot. And some babies take longer adjusting to this big world they’re now in. They need the comfort of their familiar world, you.

Won’t They Be Delayed?

I’m not claiming that this will be the case for every baby, I’m just a first-time mama sharing my experience thus far. I have held Jackson as much as he wanted, excluding some moments when it just wasn’t possible or I needed a break to step away for a few moments. And he has not been delayed in any milestone so far. He has rolled, crawled, babbled, sat up, pulled up, and all the things just as he was “supposed” to. I use that term loosely because every child is different and will progress differently, and that is perfectly ok.

I truly believe development is more God designed than man controlled.

Feed your child whole, nutritious food, don’t sit them in front of a screen their whole life, don’t fill their bodies with toxins, love them well, and support their needs, and they will develop on track just fine. So, if your main concern is that they won’t ever crawl or walk, I assure that emotional needs and development are just as important as the physical milestones and I would even argue have a much longer affect.

When Change is Needed

If your clingy baby is heavily affecting your marriage, then it’s time to change some things. Your marriage must come first. It is essential to the health of your family for your marriage to be first. It is healthy for your children to see you put your spouse ahead of them. If you don’t, they know they can affect it, and that creates instability and causes them to feel like their actions could make or break your relationship with their father.

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It can be harder as women to do this, but it is non-negotiable. I can’t say what to do or not do because it’s different for everyone. Find what works for you. Here is an example of something that works for us. I will nurse Jackson to sleep at night. We use a floor bed for him so that I can just nurse him and roll away without disturbing him. This gives my husband and I some actual quality time together without interruption. He will always wake within a few hours, and then we allow him to be in bed with us. This doesn’t work for everyone, and I understand that. My husband and I are both fine with cosleeping/bedsharing right now, so that’s what works for us. It may not always, and it may not be with the next baby, but for now, this is what is working. Again, don’t let anyone else’s criticism affect how you and your husband choose to run your home. If you’re both happy and The Lord is pleased, that is what matters.

Being Stressed Out by your Clingy Baby

It is easy to get touched out when you continually are being clung to for dear life by a tiny human who thinks the world ends when you’re out of their sight and to be fair, theirs does. Thankfully, he is as equally attached to my husband, so I do get a little detachment when Daddy gets home from work. Most days, however, I am not impatiently awaiting a break. It is a privilege to be a tiny someone’s everything. I find the times that I get frustrated are times that I am focused on myself. I’ve become so consumed with my own needs that I want to put them ahead of my family’s needs. I find my joy returns when I remember this life is not about me. It’s about what I can do to serve others, my family being the first among them.

When you need alone time, here is an example of something that works for me. As mentioned before, Jackson comes to our bed after his first wake to nurse in the night. To help get my mind ready for the day, I will get up early and leave Jackson in the bed with my husband. I’ll put the monitor on him to assure he doesn’t roll off or get himself stuck and I’ll go and sit at the table to have time with The Lord alone and to get my thoughts together for the day. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes, he still wakes up, so I just take him with me. It is a wonderful part of the day that I look forward to. It took some discipline to do, as it usually requires being up around four o’clock to beat everyone awake in the morning, but it’s so worth it and has become a joy I look forward to. I don’t claim to be able to get alone every morning, but when I can, it’s a great joy and refreshment.

You Can Do Anything With A Baby on Your Hip

You may not think you can, but I promise you can do just about anything with a clingy baby on your hip (or in a carrier). This may be my first baby, but I actively work a bus route at church, have run a youth camp kitchen, served bus kid lunches, washed the car, cooked supper, cleaned the bathroom, even taken a shower in desperation all with a baby on my hip. It can be done. It will be harder, and you’ll go slower, but it can be done.

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My husband and I made an agreement early in our marriage that we weren’t selling out our kids to work in ministry or be able to do things. What we do, they do. It’s important to us. We have so much to learn and figure out. And I know there will be times where exceptions will be made, but as a general rule, we have chosen not to sell out our babies to others so we can work in ministry or “have fun”.

It’s a Season

If you’re really struggling, I can’t urge you enough to just embrace it. You’ll be so much happier. Just let that baby cling to your side and be his world as long as he’ll let you. I’ve never known a 30 yr old man to still sleep in his parents’ bed and always want to be held. It’ll be fine, just like all the others, this season will pass. Embrace it, and you’ll find the joy in it.

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7 Things You Need to Know About the Postpartum Season

Postpartum- the fourth trimester. So many wonderful things about this season! You’re holding your sweet baby. Your body feels the relief of not having a human growing inside it.

It can also be a wild season. Hormones are getting back to normal. Sleep is a precious commodity. Your body looks different.

Likely your doctor or midwife has left you with some basic health and safety instructions before releasing you into the world of motherhood. Things to look for like too much bleeding, bleeding too long, postpartum depression, etc. However, most do not truly sit down and prepare you for this season.

It’s called the “fourth trimester” because so much is still actively changing in your mind and body that you might as well still be pregnant.

We’re here to discuss the things that we wish we would have known and things that helped us going into the postpartum season. We hope this post helps you as you prepare for your little one to arrive!

Click here to Read: How to Advocate for Yourself in a Hospital Birth

1. Everyone has a Unique Postpartum Experience

Among the mom community you will find so many differing experiences and opinions. Sometimes these opinions can be downright frightening! Some shared experience is helpful, but you must distinguish that it is just that- their experience.

The experience of others might not be your own. Your baby may be a great sleeper, and they may not be. Your hormones may regulate quickly or they might take a while to straighten out. Some of you have bodies that loose weight while breastfeeding- then there’s the rest of us!

Postpartum can be hard in so many ways, but not everyone’s “hard” is the same. Just because someone you know struggled with breastfeeding, it doesn’t mean you will. If your friend had postpartum depression it doesn’t mean you will. Postpartum can definitely be a rollercoaster, but don’t become so consumed with everyone else’s “hard” that you adopt it as your own.

Postpartum can be filled with some of the hardest moments of your life, but it’s also going to be filled with some of the most wonderful moments of your life. You know how to be tired, you know how to feel sad, you’ve cried before. But you know what you haven’t done before? Hold your baby and watch them drift to sleep in your arms. You’ve never smelt that newborn smell as they cuddle up against your face. You’ve never felt the joy of seeing those little eyes stare up at you in adoration.

2. Every Postpartum is Different

This follows closely with the point above. Every postpartum you have will be different and unique. The difference between my first postpartum and second were vastly different.

Just because you have a great experience with one does not mean the next will be as seamless. The same is true about the opposite! Just because you had a harder time with one does not mean the next will be as complicated.

Another thing I feel is vital to mention- preparation does not mean it will be easy.

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With my second I felt so prepared! I knew what was going on this time. I knew what the “hard” was. This time I was going to be prepared!!

It was around my fifth month postpartum that I realized there are some things you just can’t prepare for. Hormones are out of your control. Every baby is different.

Now I am not saying that knowing what to expect and being prepared for the things in my control was not a huge help! However, just embrace the fact that some things are being control. They are normal, beautiful parts of becoming a mama.

3. Take Time to Heal

Taking time to heal postpartum is so important! Bounce back culture has made us feel like we are broken if we need more time to heal. Listen to your body!!

Click here to read: My All-Natural Positive Birth Story

It does not matter if Aunt Janna was up moving around, making biscuits three hours after she had a baby. In Christian culture it’s a major flex for who can get back to church the soonest after giving birth! If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “We were in church Sunday the same week she was born!” I’d be a rich woman.

You have a wound inside your body the size of a dinner plate. If someone had a wound on the outside of their body like that, I don’t believe we would expect nearly as much of them as we are expecting of ourselves. Your ability to care properly for your baby and future babies depends upon you giving your body the time it needs to recover. The general rule is five days in the bed, five days on the bed, and five days around the bed. That doesn’t mean you return to normal after those two weeks, either. Give yourself time, and if you have help, use it.

We all have different capacity. Some of us heal faster than others. A lot of women can do long term damage to their bodies by not allowing things to heal properly before getting back to it. Just because your body is not telling you does not mean you will not reap the consequences later. Rest mama! Ease back into routines. Nothing means more to your family that that you are healthy.

4. You Need a Support System

Having a support system in place is essential to the postpartum season. I think most of us have a support system but we do not like to utilize it. We feel like a burden, an inconvenience, or that we are weak if we cannot handle it all on our own.

But sometimes we are weak. Sometimes we can’t handle it all on our own. Sometimes we need to just let people love on us!

Here are some tips on how to utilize your support system in the postpartum season….

Ask.

Sometimes it’s as simple as just telling people what you need! Think ahead to the things that will be hard for you. Things you have a hard time keeping up with now will not get easier in the postpartum season.

Ask specifically.

This is key! Especially when it comes to your husband. Don’t just ask for help. No one Can read your mind. No one knows better than you how to help you best!

If you are receiving support but constantly feel like you have no help you may not be asking the right way.

To some moms help looks like holding the baby while she gets it all done! (Rage Cleaning!!)

To others it looks like someone helping with the laundry and dishes while she nurses and holds the baby.

Meals

Nothing is more supportive to me than not having to worry about food. Ask a friend you trust to organize a meal train for you! P.s.- you are allowed to make rules like bring food but don’t touch the baby, or asking people to leave it on your doorstep so they don’t disturb you!

Does your coffee support your values? Seven Weeks coffee is saving lives by donating 10% of every purchase to pro-life causes that give women access to ultrasounds, prenatal care, and mental health support- ultimately saving lives of precious babies! Not only does it support pro-life values, but the coffee is tastes amazing, is direct trade from trusted farmers, and is mold/toxin free. If you are looking for an active way to support the right to life try out Seven Weeks! Use my link below and the code TORI10 at checkout to save 10% on your first order.

Click here to Shop!

Childcare

Having other children to care for in the postpartum season can be exhausting. Ask for help watching the other(s) for while so you can take a nap, have quiet time, or clean.

Support for Dads

Dads are the best! They are the main support system for the postpartum season but they get tired too! It’s a big adjustment all the way around. Having support for him by way of an outlet (hunting, golf, etc.) is a great way to allow him to release some stress.

When your support system is limited…

Right after giving birth to my second baby we became sick for weeks on end. Every week sometime came down with sickness…same sickness, different sickness, recurring sickness. It was wild!

So for months (literal months!) I was stuck at home postpartum with two under two, afraid to ask for help for fear of others catching our sickness or us catching something else! My husband was back to work and had multiple things on his plate so I felt limited in help from him.

I say all that for this reason- maybe some of you have a very limited support system. Military families, divorced or widowed, living far away from family and friends, missionary families, or just not having support you can count on. Or things you have no control over like sickness!

My first bit of advice would be to make sure you have virtual support lined up. In today’s world we really always have access to support! Tell far away friends and family that you will need extra calls /texts during this time. Reach out when you just need to vent!

If friends and family live far away I highly recommend you start building a support system around your community! This can sound scary if you are an introvert like me. However, it is critical.

Church is a great place to start! I can’t imagine what I would do without the support of my church family! Find mom groups in your community, or even start one! Whatever you have to do, get some friends in your corner and you be in theirs.

Lastly, do not obsess about the fact that your support system is limited. This is where I failed. It got in my head! I was obsessing over the hardship and the loneliness. Instead focus on the help you do have, take advantage of nap time, let this season shape you for the better.

Click here to read: Pain Management Tips for a Natural Birth Experience

5. Learn the Danger Signs of the Postpartum Depression

Your medical professional should go over this with you. However, I think it is important to note what you should be aware of…

Blues vs Depression

Feeling sad, frustrated, or angry at times are all normal parts of postpartum. This is often referred to as “postpartum blues”. Along with crazy emotions you may cry a lot, feel kind of fuzzy in your brain, and just out of it. This is because your hormones are shifting back to “non-pregnant” mode.

Blues can last a couple of days to a couple of weeks. They can occur off and on. However, they should steadily start to fade off/occur less in the six to eight weeks after birth.

Postpartum depression is opposite. It steadily gets worse as postpartum continues. It can also occur at any time within the first year of postpartum. Meaning, you might feel fine the first six months of the postpartum season and things just seem to hit you out of the blue for no reason.

When you should seek help.

You should talk to your doctor or midwife if things are not getting any better after you have experienced symptoms of depression for several weeks. Or immediately if you have continued thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. Symptoms of depression include anxiety, difficulty sleeping, appetite changes, racing thoughts, thoughts of self harm, and many more you can find on Google.

6. Your Life is About to Change

You know this. But you don’t know this! You are likely aware that adding a tiny human to your world is going to change a lot of things in your life. No one can prepare you for what extent your life is about to change!

We definitely do not have all the answers for each individual mama who is reading this post. (We wish we did!!). However we thought we would give you some things we wished we would have known about how certain aspects were going to change us…

Your body is going to change.

I think we all know this. Maybe not to the extent we do after we have that baby! So here’s the honest truth mama, you are going to look in the mirror and, more than likely, you are not going to feel comfortable in your own skin.

That is normal and that is okay.

You have just made a human, maybe multiple humans! And unless you have hit the genetic jackpot you probably do not look like you did before you gave birth. It’s okay to feel sad about this while happily holding the person who did this to you! (It’s even okay to cry about it.)

You are going to be just fine. You will find clothes that fit you. There are workouts! Embrace your amazing body that just worked so hard to make this sweet little baby.

Your marriage is going to change.

You are no longer just “man and wife”. Learning how to be husband and wife while becoming dad and mom can be a hard thing to navigate. Here are a few things to remember.

  • You are both new at this. If this is your first baby, neither of you knows how to be a mom or dad. You are both learning.
  • Score keeping is a trap. “I changed three diapers today, he only changed one!” Sounds petty? Not when you’re a as n exhausted postpartum mom! Your mind will get the better of you if you allow it to start keeping score.
  • Make time. Your marriage is going to be okay- if you make time to keep it alive. You have to prioritize one another. This can be so hard as a new mom! But you can do this.
  • Communicate. He is not a mind reader. Unfortunately! Chances are you are married to a great man who wants to help you. You just have to tell him how.

You are going to change.

Apart from your body changing- you are going to change. You might feel broken for a while (maybe not!) but you’re turning into a mom! It’s a beautiful transformation where selfishness is not an option.

I remember after back to back pregnancies waking up postpartum to have no clue who I even was any more. I for sure was not who I was a year ago! For a while this felt so overwhelming. Like I was in a desperate search to find myself and get me back. Until one day I realized that I was not who I was a year ago, and I never would be. That girl was not a mama.

So yes, you will be different. Your life will change. But you are becoming exactly who you need to be for the people who need you. That is a beautiful transformation!

Click here to read: 5 Reasons to Consider Natural Birth

7. It’s Just a Season

I wish that someone would’ve told me that postpartum comes in waves. The biggest wave is the immediate postpartum time. But there are several other waves to ride. For a lot of moms, it comes at the three, six, nine month marks and also one year. So far, I would say that has been true for me, with the exception of the nine month wave coming at seven to eight months.

When riding that first immediate postpartum wave, one of my biggest struggles was the constant feeling that someone was going to take my baby away from me. I could be sitting in my home, and my mind would play scenes of someone bursting through my door and snatching my baby from my arms while I was helpless to stop them. At the store, I would be watching for someone to try to take his carseat and run. It was intense, but it was a season. The intensity of those feelings did not last forever. To be honest, there are times I still struggle with those feelings, but they are in much more manageable waves now, though.

At the six month mark, I experienced severe nightmares. I would dream of finding my baby lifeless in different places. It was one of the hardest waves for me. Once again, it’s a season. A very short season.

At the seven to eight month mark I started dealing with feeling extremely angry. Not at my child or husband. Just angry for no reason. No cause, just on the inside, I felt absolute rage. It was completely controllable, I never acted on it. It was just a constant battle to keep it under control. It was definitely my shortest season, though.

Let me add in, postpartum is not a free pass to act on every urge and impulse because you’re hormonal. We still are responsible for ourselves and our actions. (This is, of course, excluding severe postpartum cases that come with a medical diagnosis.)

Yes, all of this sounds like a lot, but we just want to be honest with what we’ve dealt with, so if you’re facing it too, you know it’s normal and you’re not alone. Please remember that in between these hard moments we’re sharing about are some of the most wonderful times of your life. You’re snuggling your newborn, growing and learning together. It’s a beautiful time, even with all of the hard. We share in honesty not to make you dread it, but so you’ll know you’re right on track. Not every postpartum season will be the same. Some are more severe than others, and some don’t struggle at all (so jealous). There have been hard moments, but they have nothing to compare to the joy this season of life has brought.

Mama, for better or for worse, postpartum is just a season. The bad things will soon fade away. And so will the sweet things. Embrace it, live it, feel it. It will pass as quickly as it came. Lean on your support, let yourself change, and know that you were made for this!

-Tori
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The Pros and Cons of Home Birth: Everything You Need to Know Before You Decide

Disclaimer: This is not a medical blog nor is it written by someone with medical expertise. This is simply the pros and cons of home birth from my experience having had a home birth with my second child. Please consider all the risks/benefits of a home birth with your own situation in mind before deciding to birth at home.

Is a Home Birth Right for You?

How do you know if you should have a home birth? It is the trendy thing to do these days but is what is best for you and your baby?

I’m here to answer this question as a mom who peacefully birthed my second baby at home. I have had both experiences in a short amount of time (fourteen months between births) so I feel that I can offer a wide range perspective. Here is my take on the topic…

1. Consider the health of mother and baby during pregnancy.

A healthy pregnancy does not guarantee a perfect labor/delivery but it may help you decide if a home birth is right for you. If things are off with your health or baby’s health as your pregnancy progresses you definitely need to weigh the risks and benefits of a home birth more closely. There are certain health issues that would have seriously affected my decision to birth at home.

  • Birth defects of baby involving organs or limbs.
  • History of major complications during natural birth or postpartum on mother’s side of the family or a previous birth of my own.
  • History of serious illness/defects at birth or infant death during birth on either side of our families.
  • Severe preeclampsia during pregnancy.
  • History of premature labor with other pregnancies. (You cannot legally give birth at home until 36 weeks gestation in most states.)
  • Previous severely underweight or severely overweight babies.
  • Other issues specific to each pregnancy.

2. A safe distance from hospital.

In most cases, if you have a great midwife who monitors carefully and doesn’t take risks, the probability of needing an emergency transfer is very low. However, birth is wild! Anything can happen. This means you should be prepared for anything and everything.

A part of preparation is knowing the fastest route to the nearest hospital. Peace of mind comes with knowing you and your baby are close to emergency care if necessary. I do not know what is considered a “safe” distance. Most of us probably have different views on this. I can say, we are 20 minutes from the nearest hospital and that felt safe to me.

Does your coffee support your values? Seven Weeks coffee is saving lives by donating 10% of every purchase to pro-life causes that give women access to ultrasounds, prenatal care, and mental health support- ultimately saving lives of precious babies! Not only does it support pro-life values, but the coffee is tastes amazing, is direct trade from trusted farmers, and is mold/toxin free. If you are looking for an active way to support the right to life try out Seven Weeks! Use my link below and the code TORI10 at checkout to save 10% on your first order.

Click here to Shop!

3. Previous natural labor and delivery.

Some states allow midwives to administer medication during labor. However, it is wise to know for sure that you can deal with the mental and physical pressure of having a baby naturally. This is not to say that if you are home birthing your first baby you reconsider! You can definitely do this!!

Personally, I think it would be very embarrassing to plan a home birth, then have to bail on labor day because I could not manage the pain of childbirth.

If this is your first birth and you desire to do it naturally at home or the hospital the key is preparation! Spend time preparing your mind and body. Learn the techniques of managing your thoughts and the discomfort of birth before hand.

4. You have a strong support system.

A strong support system is great for any birth situation! Home birth especially requires a network of people you live and trust. Most hospital stays for a healthy mother and baby last 24-36 hours. This means someone is a push of a button away at all times to get you water, help you to the bathroom, hold the baby, or whatever else you might need.

Home birth does not come with this package, unless you can convince your midwife or a doula to come live with you for a few days! You will want to have help that you can trust with things like meals, babysitting other children, cleaning, and more for the first few days after birth. I highly recommend the entire week after (for home or hospital birth) if you can manage that.

This might feel odd if you are not used to asking for help. (I for sure haven’t mastered it!). But the truth is in many cases, people want to help you. Let them be there for you!

Pros of Home Birth

1. 24/7 Access to Your Midwife.

Midwife or best friend? She’s honestly all the things! The person you can ask anything to. World class problem solver. Emotional support. Wealth of wisdom and knowledge on all things pregnancy, baby, and postpartum! One of the biggest pros of having a home birth is having a midwife on call 24/7.

Our midwife came to the rescue so many times during my pregnancy with quick answers to medical questions. She actually came to my house one day to check my vitals- just simply for my peace of mind! My midwife also only did home visits for prenatal appointments and I cannot tell you what that meant to me as a mother of a fresh one year old who could barely walk!

2. Comfort.

There is nowhere more comfortable to have a baby than in your own home. I would never recommend choosing your own comfort over the health and safety of your baby. However, if you are a healthy woman and there is no reason to suspect any complications with birth or baby- you will never be more comfortable or at peace than when you are laboring and birthing at home.

  • The ability to move freely without monitors or IVs.
  • The comfort of your own bed.
  • No interruptions from nurses, doctors, or staff during labor or postpartum.
  • No time apart from baby.
  • Let’s not even talk about them random noises of a hospital room- the beeps, talking, and humming sounds are enough to make you go insane!

3. Cost

Maybe a weird reason to have a baby at home but in many cases it is cheaper to have a baby at home than the cost of having your baby in the hospital with insurance! Total cost for our home birth was $4,500. This included all my prenatal visits, the delivery, a midwife, a student midwife, several postpartum visits, and lactation support. My delivery at the hospital with insurance coverage was more than the cost of the home birth. This is not including all my prenatal visits, ultrasounds, etc.

The cost combined with the benefits of being more comfortable, safer, and the other benefits was enough to sell us on home birth!

4. Safer.

This one is controversial so let me clarify.

  • Based on several studies home births are less likely to require interventions such as pain medication, forceps, vacuums, and emergency c-sections making a home birth safer for a healthy or “normal” birth.
  • Based on several studies home births are safer and pose less risks for infection of mother and baby than a hospital birth.
  • Based on several studies the likelihood of a safe natural, unmedicated delivery of a healthy baby at home is higher than the chances of having an unmedicated, birth with no interventions in the hospital.

In other words, for a healthy mother giving birth to a healthy baby with a qualified midwife a home birth is statistically safer than a hospital birth.

The research is yours to do but it’s all there! Risks/probability and benefits all must be considered for your specific situation.

5. No system to work through.

Aside from the matter of safety and less interventions in a home birth, the system of the hospital birth scene is atrocious. Government officials who know little or nothing medically speaking are making calls for the whole system. Politicians who make the rules are lining their pockets from pushing medications, procedures, and practices that are unnecessary for the birth of a baby.

When you birth your baby at home you are the sole decision maker without push-back and confrontations from the professionals. Whether you have confidence in the system or not is completely up to you. However, we all deserve the right to choose what we believe is best for our children without confrontation or guilt.

This was a big step in choosing home birth. I will not debate my stance on things like vaccinations, certain medications, and interventions in pregnancy and beyond. That is a whole other post! However, I did not appreciate having to even discuss my decisions with the professionals at every turn. No woman in labor should feel the need to argue or justify her decision with doctors. She should not feel untrusting that her wishes/desires would be granted or that someone would do something behind her back she feels is unsafe for her child.

6. Immediate connection of the family unit.

Many hospitals do well at trying to unit the family as soon as possible but there is nothing like a mother being immediately connected with her baby uninterrupted! Or siblings getting to meet their baby minutes after birth. Home birth even offers father’s the ability to deliver or catch their children with the assistance of a midwife if needed.

7. No unnecessary adjustments.

The adjustment of going from the hospital then back home is so much on a mother and baby. All the constant noise of the hospital, the lack of rest, and the assistance from others does not help a family adjust as well as a home birth.

Read all about my hospital birth in this post!

When baby is born at home they are able to snuggle right into their own bed, be constantly close to their own people, and more quickly adjust to breastfeeding. The mother is gets more rest without being interrupted, and has more time to connect with her baby. The family has more time to adjust to things without the prolonged process of the hospital stay.

Have you heard about Earthley Wellness? As a mom of two under two I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for over two years. This means very limited options for cold/flu, cough, headache medications that are safe for my baby and do not effect my milk supply. Earthley’s Feel Better Fast offers relief from these symptoms that WORK! Feel Better Fast is completely safe for use during pregnancy/breastfeeding, is 100% toxin free, and is made completely from herbs/only natural ingredients.

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Cons of Home Birth

1. No immediate access to emergency care.

Having a home birth means no immediate access to emergency care beyond what a midwife is trained to perform. Most midwives are equipped with the same basic knowledge as an OB-GYN and nurses. They carry oxygen for mom and baby, are equipped to handle minor hemorrhaging, and can at least help get you to help quickly if there is a problem. However, they do not have all the access to life saving equipment that hospitals/NICUs have. If you are considering a hospital birth the same is true of a hospital without a NICU and pediatric staff.

There is risk involved in every birth. Knowing the risks/probability of an emergency arising is critical in a home birth. Having a midwife with a wide range of experience and knowledge is key!

2. Chance of an unassisted birth.

The chances of a medically unassisted birth is higher in the case of home birth due to a midwife being too late or hindered from being there by traffic, road blockages, etc. For instance my midwife arrived just 45 minutes before our baby was born and may have missed it altogether had our baby not been breech. This did not bother me, in fact, I preferred to be uninterrupted I until absolutely necessary. I thought her timing was perfect!

Preparing for what you might need to do in case of an unassisted birth is a great idea just in case the need for the knowledge arises. Be sure your husband is also aware of the possibility and prepared to assist you.

The good thing about a planned home birth is that you will have access to a midwife via phone even in the case of her being delayed. She can calmly walk dad or you through exactly what you need to do. If she is unavailable 911 can assist you.

3. Postpartum Care is on Dad.

One thing that can be a little tricky about having a home birth is that dad has a lot of weight on him. It can kind of make you feel like a burden asking for more this or that, especially when you have another child he is looking after as well. The biggest key to this is communication. Voice when you feel like a burden and make sure he is comfortable to voice when he needs a break. Prepping things like a snack basket, a postpartum care kit with all the things you will need after a baby, and a basket of baby items close by will keep dad from having to run around grabbing things for you all day. Make sure he is familiar with where things are before hand as well so that you do not have to explain where everything is at.

Another way to lesser the job for dad is to have a good stash of freezer dinners and easy meals. Lean on your support system for other things like child care, food, and cleaning. By the end of a long day of home birth dad will likely be just as exhausted as you are so make sure you both have a plan for getting rest after.

4. The temptation to overdo.

The temptation to overdo it right after you give birth is stronger in my experience. After a natural, relaxed home birth you honestly feel like you could conquer the world! The adrenaline is pumping and the urge to do all the things you did not get done before baby starts to creep up. Having a plan (and sticking to it) for postpartum recovery is essential! This looks different for everyone- you know your body best. Just remember to relax and recover. The dishes can wait and the baby snuggles are worth a messy house for a bit.

5. Traumatic birth.

This is one is rare, however it did cross my mind when deciding on a home birth. What if something went wrong. In the small chance that things became very traumatic or worse you have to come back at the end of the day and live in the house where it “all went wrong”. That thought is a bit overwhelming and you really do have to consider the possibility or something going wrong in any birth situation- home or hospital. The way I overcame this was realizing that the possibility was very small (based on all we knew about my health, baby’s health, and having a midwife who does not take risks) and that no matter what happened there would be grace to make it through whatever we faced in labor and beyond.

Have you had a home birth? Are you considering it? We hope this article helps you make the best decision for your family. Leave a comment below and share your experience or drop a question. We love hearing from you!

Check out more of our blog posts on natural birth, motherhood, real food, and natural living!

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5 Reasons to Consider Natural Birth

Disclaimer: Our purpose in this natural childbirth series is never to shame a mother who chose something different. We desire to educate mothers so that they can make informed decisions. There are so many things mothers do not get told before consent in the medical world, and also just because of the culture around childbirth. We want to support and provide a resource for those desiring a less medicalized experience. If you made that choice previously or unplanned interventions end up happening during your birth, it does not make you less of a mother. Our desire is never to look at another mother doing her best in judgment. We’re all in this together, learning and growing in this crazy, bumpy, wonderful motherhood journey.

What is a Natural Birth

There are so many opinions swirling around out there about natural birth. Many people view a natural birth as simply a vaginal birth, or non c-section. Some people would say that it is a birth without an epidural but other “more natural” options are acceptable.

Around here when referring to a natural birth here’s what we mean…

A natural birth is a vaginal delivery of a baby without the use of pain medications (like an epidural) and minimal to no interventions. It is allowing nature to take its course as much as possible. Natural birth van take place at home, in a hospital, or at a birthing center.

Our main passions for natural childbirth is birth without conventional pain medications, minimal interventions, and a mother truly tuning into her body as it works with her to birth her baby. It truly is a miraculous experience that only those who have had the honor of knowing it can understand.

** It is empowering and is the beginning of releasing the strength, intuition, and confidence you will need throughout your mothering journey. **

Anna Bourdess

Click here to read Anna’s natural hospital birth story!

1. Birth is not an Illness.

Baseline…sick people need medication. Birth is not a sickness, disease, or even a symptom that needs treatment. Birth is a natural, normal part of life.

Now, if you have a pre-existing condition or some other medical reasoning that arises to NEED medication, intervention, or assistance then please use it! That is what it is there for. There is a place for it and we are beyond thankful that we have these options in these times.

However, if you are a healthy person, giving birth to an otherwise known healthy baby- you do not need to treat birth as an illness that requires medication.

Birth is not an illness requiring treatment or medical intervention. Neither is it something to be feared. Rather, it calls for us to get out of our own way and get in tune with how God designed our bodies to work. Birth is natural, instinctual, and miraculous. We desired to experience birth in as natural a way as we could. To approach our deliveries with knowledge and confidence in our Creator and His design.

Anna Bourdess

2. This pain is different.

If this is your first baby, or first natural birth you may be thinking, “But how am supposed to not fear the pain of birth?” You have probably seen highly dramatized, unrealistic portrayals of birth from Hollywood. Maybe you have listened to all the horror stories of moms who had a bad experience with a natural birth. Or maybe you are just surrounded by people who have only ever had a medicated birth that say things like, “I could never have an unmedicated birth! It’s the meds for me!!”

Maybe they are right. But I am assuming if you are here that you want to try. Perhaps something in you is just a little bit curious about this natural birth thing. As a mom of two born naturally let me just say…

This pain is different. It is productive pain. Not like the pain of an injury or broken bone. This pain (I prefer to say “discomfort”) is productive pain. Every contraction in assisting your body and baby to get your baby out.

It also is not constant, excruciating pain for the entire labor. Contractions build, intensify, then decrease and subside. Each one is like a wave. It comes, builds higher and higher, then bottoms out and disappears. Often all but the last few hours of birth are filled with very mild, and very spaced out contractions.

Here’s how to make it through the pain of an unmedicated birth…

One contraction at a time.

That all, mama! You don not need to fear or anticipate the pain as if it were something terrible that you just will not survive. All you need to do is make it through this one contraction. After that one, you just have to make it through the next. Again and again you will make it through and you will be one step closer to meeting your baby!

Read all about how to manage pain naturally here!

3. Epidurals: What They Are and What They Do

Probably the most common medication administered during labor is the epidural. Neither myself nor Anna has ever had one but they described to be (by most women), a magical end to all the pains of childbirth! They have been praised as “the only way to have a baby” for years now.

If you are a first time mom all the epidural moms will tell you, “Just get the epidural!”

That’s great if you want one but we are here to educate, not just go along with what society says is “safe” and acceptable.

What is an epidural?

An epidural is a numbing medicine given by inserting a needle and a catheter (a small, flexible tube) into the lower part of the mother’s back. The needle is removed, but the catheter remains to deliver pain medication as requested throughout labor.

Hormones Involved in Labor and Beyond

*The following content was written from a study by Anna Bourdess.

Here is how your body naturally secretes different hormones and endorphins to bring your baby into the world.

Oxytocin
Also known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin is involved in contractions, fertility, intimacy, milk release, and birth. It stimulates contractions that help thin and dilate the cervix, move the baby out of the birth canal, push out the placenta, and limit bleeding.

Endorphins
Endorphins are calming and pain-relieving hormones that increase as labor progresses and pain intensifies. They are produced when you face stress or pain. Think of them as your body’s natural morphine during labor.

Adrenaline
Also known as the “fight or flight” hormone, adrenaline is secreted in response to stress, fear, and extreme pain. Too much adrenaline can slow or stop labor. If you come into your birth uninformed and unprepared, it can create a lot of stress and release adrenaline, which will greatly hinder the progression of your labor.

Prolactin
Also known as the “mothering hormone,” prolactin has many roles, including being central to milk production. It is also responsible for assisting your baby in the transition to life outside the womb, like rerouting the circulatory system to exclude the placenta and include the lungs. Birth truly is a miracle.

How an Epidural Effects Natural Hormones in Labor

*The following content was written from a study by Anna Bourdess.

When a mother decides to have an epidural, she turns off the signals going to her brain to avoid the discomfort. Studies show that in doing this, it greatly hinders or even cuts off completely the natural release of these crucial hormones. These hormones and endorphins are intended to be passed to the baby also, to relieve discomfort during labor, including moments of oxygen deprivation and molding of the head to pass through the pelvis. They are feeling that emotional “warm hug” from the oxytocin your intelligent body is sending them. They get relief from the endorphins sent as a natural pain reliever to them. Birth is as intense for the baby as it is for the mother. When we choose to turn off the discomfort, we might be feeling nothing, but our baby, in turn, is feeling everything.

I understand that is hard to read and think about, but we feel mothers should be aware of all factors. There are times that an epidural can be a benefit to a laboring mother and even a necessity, and we understand that. We don’t want to put guilt and shame on any mother for her choices. However, one of our core beliefs is that mothers deserve the truth, even if it is hard to hear.

Be empowered by your choices, Mama. Know why you make your decisions. You don’t have to go along with what anyone says. Only you know what is best for yourself and your baby. Come into your birth with the wealth of knowledge to be prepared to make the hard decisions. Even if your birth doesn’t go as you planned, you can have no regrets in the decisions you made because you were informed, but it takes work on your part to do that.

Anna Bourdess

Epidural Complications

Another one of my (Tori) top reasons for anti-epidural birth is due to the risk of complications with or from an epidural. There are chances of an epidural completely not working or only numbing half the body (which would greatly effect the mind if you are expecting an escape!). There are also risks of pto longed or permanent damage beyond labor and delivery caused by epidurals.

Of course, there are risks to any medical procedure, and while they are considered rare, the possibility of spinal headaches, paralysis, blood clots, chronic back pain, and nerve damage are still risks you have to assess for yourself. The potential side effects that are considered less serious include blood pressure drops for you and your baby (this can be helped by changing positions and giving the mother fluids), headaches, nausea, itching and so on. You should also be aware that some of the anesthetic and opioid (epidural) medications will reach your baby. It is considered a safe amount by the medical community, but it is still something you should be aware of and even research for yourself to see if you’re comfortable with.

We’re not here to give scare tactics. Those are simply facts, and I have found a lot of women were never told these things were even a possibility when “consenting” to an epidural. That is not true informed consent. Look up the statistics yourself (from a trusted source) and weigh the risks versus benefits for your situation. Then make your decision. That is informed consent.

4. The Cascade of Interventions

This was probably one of the top reasons going into my first birth that I (Tori) was absolutely against a medicated birth. Research is showing that one medical intervention usually leads to more and more, maybe even the possibility of c-section. (Again, we are not saying that all interventions are unnecessary.)

The cascade of interventions often looks like this…

  1. Induction. Due to being “overdue”, doctors pushing for a scheduled delivery, possible under/overweight baby (they get this wrong all the time!!), or an actual medical complication your doctor will schedule you to be induced. This can be done various way but all involve forcing your body and baby into a labor they are not naturally ready for.
  2. Pitocin. Because your body and baby were not ready for labor, your doctor will want to start moving things along with Pitocin. Pitocin is the synthetic of oxytocin, a hormone your body naturally makes on its own during labor to help things progress. However, when an induction is performed or things get rushed along with Pitocin labor intensifies at an unnatural rate.
  3. Epidural/other drugs. Because your labor is intensifying at an abnormal rate the pain becomes harder to manage. Often mothers are already exhausted at this stage because the induction/Pitocin stage can last several hours. This leaves mothers feeling like they have no other option than to get the epidural.
  4. Baby/Mother vitals drop/increase. Administration of an epidural or length/stress labor causes the baby’s body (or mother’s body) to go into distress. In an infant this often looks like an abnormal fetal heart rate pattern and is deemed an emergency situation.
  5. Use of vacuum/forceps. Because it is an emergency situation the doctor will undergo the process of either extracting the baby with a vacuum or the use of forceps. Both are said to be extremely painful and can cause major trauma surrounding birth.
  6. C-section. If use of vacuum/forceps fails or is not an option, you will be rushed into an emergency c-section situation.

*The cascade of interventions applies wherever you “jump in” at. It may or may not go this way for you but the research shows that the chances of the cascade grow higher and higher with each intervention. It also shows that use of medication drastically increase the chances of needing an emergency c-section. Do your research mama!

Studies show that receiving an epidural increases a mother’s chances of requiring other interventions such as Pitocin (to stimulate contractions), assisted delivery (forceps or vacuum), and even a Cesarean section. This is due to the hindrance of the natural production of hormones your body relies on to instruct it during labor.

Your personal situation greatly impacts the risks versus benefits of this decision for you. Consider your reasoning for desiring pain medication for labor. See what the benefits versus risks are for your circumstances and lean into your intuition. If your reason is because you don’t think you’re capable, I promise you are, Mama. You were literally created for this purpose. It will take some time to exercise your intuition and learn how to listen to your body, but you are absolutely capable.

5. Enjoyment.

As strange as it sounds I (Tori) NEED to FEEL labor. I enjoy feeling what my body is doing and the thought of that being numbed really just intimidates me, along with the other reasons we have already stated. The idea that I have no clue what is happening when there is so much happening would drive me crazy. Each “painful” feeling in labor is happening for a reason. It is there to signal us when things are off and to keep that momentum going as things naturally progress.

Click here to read all about my positive home birth!

Whether you are here out of curiosity, education, or you want a natural birth and you need some mindset encouragement- there is nothing like the experience of a natural birth!

Yes, it is uncomfortable- maybe even painful!

Yes, you will be exhausted.

No, it is not a walk in the park!

Have you heard about Earthley Wellness? As a mom of two under two I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for over two years. This means very limited options for cold/flu, cough, headache medications that are safe for my baby and do not effect my milk supply. Earthley’s Feel Better Fast offers relief from these symptoms that WORK! Feel Better Fast is completely safe for use during pregnancy/breastfeeding, is 100% toxin free, and is made completely from herbs/only natural ingredients. Use my link below and the code LITTLEWIFE10 to get 10% off your first order!

Click Here to Shop!

But it is beautiful! The act of choosing the pain because you know it is what is best for your baby. The laying down of what would be more comfortable to you. The choice to feel every bit of this WITH your baby. It is such a priceless experience that is beyond worth it!

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How to Advocate for Yourself in a Hospital Birth

Written by Anna Bourdess

*this post contains affiliate links.

1. Be Informed.

I know that Tori and I have said this many times, but I truly believe this has played a significant role in each of our birth experiences. I feel this is one of the biggest parts of mothering these days. We can not just trust what is said to us. We must educate ourselves so that we can make informed decisions that we can be confident in.

Look into your hospital’s policies. Things such as how long they are comfortable with you laboring before interventions will be suggested, what interventions they might suggest, risks and benefits of each, what vaccines will be administered to your baby at birth, and so many more. Know what choices you’ll be presented with so you already know how to answer them.

Whatever decisions you make, know why you made them. It’s not about what your best friend did, what is popular, or going along with it because they are the “experts.” Do your research and be confident in your choices, whatever they may be. You can’t advocate for yourself if you don’t even know what you want. 

2. Have an Informed Birth Partner

As you’re doing your research, involve your birth partner. Make sure they know why you feel the way you do about your choices so that they can best support you. They’ll be able to advocate for you as much as possible in your stead while you focus on delivering your baby. 

Researching can also be overwhelming, especially with all those pregnancy hormones. Having your birth partner do it with you can help keep you grounded and give you someone to talk through things with to help you figure out what is best for you and baby. 

3. Have a Plan

A written birth plan is not a necessity. However, it is extremely helpful when trying to go unmedicated. Having a birth plan helps everyone around you know how you want to be supported during your labor. Any decent nurse wants to give the best experience possible to their patients. A birth plan helps them accomplish that.

An added plus is if you have trouble speaking up for yourself, you can just hand them your birth plan, and they’ll know your wishes without you trying to explain them. It can state things like you wish to not be asked about pain medications, you want to change positions often, and desire to be interrupted as little as possible. Also, it can state your wishes for shots administered after birth, skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, and so on. 

While in labor, you really are not going to want to be asked a lot of questions and probably won’t have the mental capacity to make multiple decisions anyway. Even if you don’t give your birth plan to anyone, it is very beneficial in gathering your thoughts for yourself so you are settled in your desires and are prepared to make decisions. It’s pretty easy to find a template online for a birth plan if you don’t know where to start.

Your plan needs to be flexible. I don’t mean you need to give your mind the easy way out. I mean, birth is unpredictable, and things can change fast. Don’t be so set on your plan that you would risk yours or baby’s safety. I suggest having three birth plans. One for an unmedicated birth, one for a medicated birth (sometimes medical interventions are needed), and one for a Cesarean birth in case you need one in an emergency. Even in the case of interventions, you still have the right to decide many things about your birth. Know what your hospital will allow in each scenario. Also know the difference in their preferences and actual policys. Even then policys aren’t laws. 

4. Be Kind

It is very possible to advocate for yourself and still be kind. Even if you have to be stern, there is no excuse to be rude. I have found that most medical professionals really do want the best for you. Not all, but most. They’re just working off of the information they’ve been given. That is that the best in care includes epidurals, pain management, vaccinations, and so on. When someone comes in requesting different, most of them simply do not understand. Add in that natural living is trendy right now, and the many varieties of the public they get to function with daily, and it’s understandable to receive some hesitation.

Now, of course, it is not required of you to explain yourself. No means no, and that is good enough, especially during labor. But, if given the opportunity, why not educate so that others may look into things for themselves instead of just doing what is standard practice? Is that not how you began questioning things? 

After my son, Jackson, was born, we had chosen to refuse many standard practices after birth. I had several nurses very kindly ask if I was sure many times. Instead of getting upset, I took the time to explain that we had looked at all the research and data (named our sources), and that is why we feel this is what’s best for our baby. They listened kindly, and they never asked us the certainty of our choices again. They were willing to listen because I had never spoken harshly to them or been disrespectful. Communicate without rudeness. Most just want to hear that you’ve made a decision based on facts, not trends. Educate, inform, and be kind. 

5. Trust Your Intuition 

I’m not talking about just following feelings or flesh. I passionately believe in a mother’s intuition. I believe it is God-given to help guide us in taking care of our babies. After all, how did women take care of their babies before we had all of these “experts” to tell us how to do it?

Nobody knows your baby like you do, Mama. It will amaze you when your baby arrives and as you grow together, how you will just know what they need. Sometimes you won’t even know why you know, you just do. Trust it. If you have someone trying to push you into something for your baby, but you just don’t have peace about it, trust that intuition. It is vital to your mothering. Never let anyone push or convince you into something you’re uncomfortable with. This applies in birth just as much as in the rest of your motherhood journey. 

Have you heard of Earthley Wellness? Earthley is a company dedicated to providing all-natural, herbal products and medications for the entire family! My favorite thing about Earthley is that they have remedies for pregnant and nursing mothers. Things like colds, fevers, and coughs can be hard to navigate in pregnancy and early motherhood. These products absolutely work and have become a staple in our household for non-toxic, holistic wellness. Use my link below and the code LITTLEWIFE10 for 10% off your first order!

Shop Here!
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Living Today Like Your Husband Died Yesterday

*This post contains affiliate links.

But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan. 

1 Timothy 5:11-15

When I started reading these verses the other day I had a few questions on my heart and as I read The Lord answered these questions. For a very long time society has sold us lies. Television and now social media have shaped our thinking to become so warped in ways we don’t even realize. One of these things is how close in friendship and relationship we should be with people outside our home.

As women we watch Hallmark movies showcasing the starlett and her best friend, who are interconnected in every way. They share every detail of life and bear their souls one to another. We’ve been made to feel this is the goal and if we don’t have it we are missing out. But as women when we do have interconnected relationships how do we handle them? 

What I’ve found as a woman is that most female relationships have a tendency, if not kept in check, to run this way: 

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. 

1 Timothy 5:13

If we as women are honest with ourselves we have to be guarded and careful, but our society takes everything in I Timothy 5:13 and praises it.  

Here are some definitions of these words according to the Strongs Concordance: 

Idle – inactive, i.e. unemployed; (by implication) lazy, useless 

Tattlers – (to bubble); a garrulous (talkative; pratting [One that talks much to little purpose, or on trifling subjects – Websters 1828]) person 

Busybodies – working all around, i.e. officious (Busy; intermeddling in affairs in which one has no concern – Webster’s 1828 [meddlesome]) 

How many times have we been pushed to be inactive in our homes? We all have cell phones in our hands, TVs on our walls, every appliance keeps us from working harder than necessary. We are encouraged to stop and stop often. Or we are pushed to be overactive outside of our home as if we do not have a job – unemployed. We are encouraged to give 200% just not in the God-given place we should be. 

Earthley

We are also encouraged to over share about subjects that have no substance or value. How often have you gotten a history lesson about someone’s life you never met or someone you are going to meet? Gossip is praised and looked at as just a normal female activity. But all of these things indicate one thing – your husband has died and is no longer available to keep you occupied in productive ways. You have no home to manage. 

This really hits home for me. I’ve felt a bit guilty for not reaching out more or not longing for female fellowship more but I also felt as if a lot of female fellowship brings out negative tendencies in my life and I don’t want to hinder others so I step back. Limited fellowship has been a blessing and benefit as I form deeper, godly relationships. In the limited fellowship I find myself more guarded with my tongue and more prayerful about my response. I find myself encouraging and being encouraged, but in the relationships that have ever had full, free access there is a tendency to not keep myself in check and to leave those interactions over thinking everything I said, knowing that I had crossed lines. In that time frame I have not been concerned with the needs of my home and family. I’ve lived like I’ve had no accountability or authority in my life. 

When we look at Titus 2 about the aged women’s instruction to the younger women we see first thing that she is told to watch her behavior. It wasn’t about what she could say with her mouth. It was about what she could live with her life. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the first thing she is told to be in her behavior is holy and then directly following, she’s not to be a false accuser. Her tongue and how she used it were to be directly addressed from the pulpit by Titus. When we come down to what she was to teach the younger women through this behavior of holiness it is to be a keeper at home.  This ties directly into I Timothy 5:13. She was to teach the younger women that they can be fully fulfilled in their own home. How is that done? By her being fully fulfilled in hers. She had to set the example to follow. 

This was not an example of laziness, talking too much about nonsense, or being the town or church gossip. She was to be directed by Titus as an aged woman not be a false accuser – a traducer; specially, Satan—false accuser, devil, slanderer (TRADU’CER, noun One that traduces; a slanderer; a calumniator. CALUMNIATOR, noun One who slanders; one who falsely and knowingly accuses another of a crime or offense, or maliciously propagates false accusations or reports. – Websters 1828) 

Only by not being a false accuser could she live up to the qualifications to teach the younger women to love their husbands and children. 

I said all of that to simply say- it’s okay to be a wife who enjoys her family and doesn’t have a ton of friendships, or even one, that takes up her daily time and attention. It’s okay to be so busy at home that you have to say, “No thank you!” to personal invites without guilt. It’s okay to go home when conversations start turning to tattling, busybodiness, or false accusation. It’s okay to find your refuge, joy, and fulfillment in your home, husband, children, and most of all The Lord. 

Having friends is not wrong. I am blessed with more friends than most people and I believe that is because they are limited in time and access. Friendship can become wrong when we are investing in those friendships as if we do not have anything to invest in at home. The Proverbs 31 woman is an amazing example used for us women a lot. Do you know what we don’t find in that passage? Her friends. I’m sure she had some. But, she was a queen who was busy running a castle. She had a husband, children, maidens to direct, goods to sell. She was busy. She was invested in the needs of her household first. 

This world tries to tell us that men are stupid, children are inconvenient, homes are to be picture perfect but not really lived in. That the only ones who get us are our friends and other women. That we can learn more at the feet of women than at the feet of Jesus. The world is wrong. I don’t want to live like my husband is dead. I don’t want to have a lifestyle that is indicative of a widow without authority and boundaries. I don’t want to treat my marriage as if it’s so secondary I need others to fulfill the voids, or treat my children like they are a bother to my life.

Earthley

It’s time to rise up and find the place God made for us. It will go against the grain of this world and even most Christian women. It’s time to rise up to enjoy our homes and to invest more heavily in our marriage than in our friendships. It’s time to find our place at Jesus’ feet and not at the feet of those who we long to gossip with. Lord, please help me and forgive me for my ignorance all these years. 

But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. And indeed ye do it toward all the brethren which are in all Macedonia: but we beseech you, brethren, that ye increase more and more;  And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing.

1 Thessalonians 4:9-12

To all my godly friends that give counsel, take counsel, point me back to my husband, point me to God’s Word, and truly love me for who I am without false accusation, thank you!!! Thank you for serving The Lord first, your family second, for knowing your limits, and when to simply say, “I’m sorry, but I’m busy at home right now. I’m with my family.” I learn how to love The Lord more my watching you!!

With much love, 

Kate Ledbetter

Have you heard of Earthly Wellness? 
Earthly is a company dedicated to providing only natural, herbal wellness products and supplements for the entire family! My favorite thing about Earthly is that each product quickly and accurately tells if I can use it safely while pregnant and/or nursing. They have everything you need to start your non-toxic, chemical free journey to wellness! Go check them out at the link below and use code CHOOSENATURAL to enjoy 10% off your first purchase.

CLICK HERE!
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Hospital Bag Essentials: Everything You Need for an Amazing Hospital Birth

*This post contains affiliate links.

Packing a hospital bag can be fun and honestly, overwhelming! As your big sisters in all things birth, labor, and baby- Anna and I thought it would be fun to combine our lists of hospital birth must haves. We hope this helps you as you prepare for your little one to arrive earth-side!

Tips for Packing Your Hospital Bag

1. Pack Early

It is recommended to have your bag ready to go by around the 36 week mark, simply because you never know what will happen. As two ladies who did not make it to full term with our babies we highly recommend having that bag packed BY the 36 week mark, if not before. It may be helpful to have a small bag to keep in your car, just for emergency sake.

Pack the bag early. Let people make fun of you, just pack it sooner than you think you need to. Sincerely, someone who went into labor early.

-aka Anna

2. Do not stress.

That being said, if you are approaching the 36 week mark or past it, there is no need to stress! Even if you go into labor early the likelihood that you will still have time to pack your hospital bag is pretty high. Once labor begins, in the early stages it is somewhat nice to have something to occupy your time/mind with.

Even if you have a true emergency and have no time to prepare, this is what family and friends are for! If you find yourself at the hospital with nothing or forget something important, reach out to someone in your support group.

3. Pack ALL the pain management things.

If you are planning on a natural birth experience do not feel bad about bringing anything/everything you think may bring you comfort during labor. You may find that certain things you thought would work for you do not while other things do. If this is your first baby it is likely going to be trial and error. Also, certain points of labor require different measures for pain. This differs for everyone so come prepared.

4. Babies come in all shapes and sizes.

You know this but no baby is the same! And just because the tag says “newborn” does not mean it is going to fit yours. We both would advise you pack 2-3 newborn outfits, and at least one each premie/0-3 month outfit. Even if your baby is measuring small, large, or “normal” size you never truly know until you know.

5. Comfort is key!

The trick to an enjoyable hospital birth experience is making sure you, dad, and baby have everything you need to be as comfortable as possible. This may mean a lot of packing but it is so worth it! If you sleep best with a box fan, bring it! If having your special cozy socks matters, bring them!

6. Let Dad pack the bag.

I have to give all the credit to Anna on this one (or whoever she stole the idea from- THANK YOU!). Since your husband will most likely be the one handing you all the things at the hospital, lay out your things and let him pack the bag. This completely eliminates the need for you to instruct him on where certain things are during labor. Trust me- the last thing you will want to do to your poor husband is get upset when you have to tell him step by step where everything is.

A big tip that I used was let dad pack the hospital bag. You lay out the items you want packed and let him put them in the bag. He is going to be getting the items for you at the hospital and you want him to be able to find everything.

Anna

7. Install the carseat BEFORE hand.

This is one of my (Tori) many regrets! Our birth story was kind of a whirlwind and we both definitely were NOT prepared. So the carseat was a very last minute thing! We honestly just threw all the parts in the car and it was up to my wonderful husband to figure it all out the day we left the hospital. It was not that is was a huge inconvenience, just frustrating and totally avoidable. A very kind nurse helped us figure it out, so should you forget or have questions concerning the safety of your carseat, find a nice nurse!

Everything Mom Needs at the Hospital

Clothing Items

  1. 1-2 actual outfits. In most cases you will be released in 24-48 hours after giving birth to a healthy baby. The majority of your stay you will likely be in labor and will want to be in a gown or nothing at all. Should you need extra clothing someone in your support group will be happy to go get some clothing. (If you are a long ways from home, you may want to consider packing extra outfits, just in case.)
  2. 1-2 gowns. Anna and I highly recommend two gowns, one to labor in and one for after labor. A few things to keep in mind when selecting gowns are- comfort, nursing accessibility (if planning to breastfeed), and know that they will get messy (so nothing super expensive or fancy).

I delivered in a hospital gown but brought my own for postpartum. Looking back I wish I would’ve brought two cheap throw away gowns for labor too. Hospital gowns are annoying. I say two because I needed a change during labor due to some, we’ll just say “labor fluids”. Make sure you get one that has easy access for nursing, and for any medical intervention should it arise.

Anna
  1. Super comfortable nursing bras. This is a must! If this is your first baby you likely have no idea what an actual comfy nursing bra means. Let me help you- super soft, yet supportive. I would definably recommend anything by Mom Cozy brand! So far they are the best I have found. (The jelly strip support is my favorite- click here to check it out!)
  2. Cozy socks.

Comfort Measures

  1. Your own pillow and/or blanket. This is super nice to have but the hospital will provide you with as many pillows and blankets as you need. If you decide to bring your own just know that they may get messy.
  2. Pain management. We will talk more about this in a coming post but you will want anything that will help keep you comfortable in labor. Anything to manage pain in a natural and even some medicated birth situations is great to have on hand. Some ideas: tennis balls for counter pressure, a labor comb, birthing ball, heating pad etc.
  3. Comfort items. Things to keep you comfortable throughout labor and beyond! Essential oils (and diffuser!) a candle, a speaker for music, a small fan, lights, etc.

Toiletries/Postpartum Care

  1. Deodorant, shampoo, body wash, toothbrush, makeup. All the things you would use on the daily. One of us may have forgotten a hairbrush and probably did not use one for the first week of motherhood (Tori).
  2. Postpartum care. The hospital will provide a lot of this for you but if there is any specific brand you want or special items you will want to bring that yourself. Some items we found helpful during the postpartum period were: adult diapers (STYLISH!), ice pads, nipple ointment, perineum itch spray, breast pads, ice/heat pads for breasts, silverettes, etc. (Click here for my favorite postpartum care set!)

Other

1. Food. Most hospitals follow the no eating in labor policy. You may want to bring a little something to eat during labor, and comfort foods after the fact. Protein drinks may help you keep your strength and energy up during labor.

Some hospitals say you can’t eat during labor (I say do what you want). You can bring protein shakes to help give you energy for birth and still abide by liquids only policy. Do your research on the risks and make your own decision on this one though.

Anna

2. Chapstick. For some reason that dry hospital air, combined with all the heavy breathing makes your lips absolutely parched! Bring some good quality chapstick.

3. Thank you cards. I wish I would have done this! You may not feel like writing a card and that is completely okay! However, if you do and certain members of staff made you feel like a QUEEN, you may wish you had some on hand to express your thanks.

Everything Your Support Person Needs at the Hospital

Your support person is a HUGE part of a great birth experience! You will want to make sure they have a list of what they will need during this time to make sure you and baby are safe and cozy.

  1. 1-2 outfits.
  2. IF you are planning a water birth they will need clothing that is specifically for this.
  3. Toiletry items.
  4. Snacks/drinks.
  5. A copy of the birth plan or wishes. It is very important for the person doing labor with you to know your wants and wishes concerning birth. You will likely not be able to fully communicate with staff very well. Unfortunately, this leads many women into birth experiences that they never wanted. Make sure your husband or whoever is supporting you knows how to advocate for you and your baby! (For this reason we highly recommend making sure your support person is included in any birth classes or education you choose to take.)

Everything Your Baby Needs at the Hospital

  1. Two newborn outfits/ one premie outfit, and one 0-3 month outfit.
  2. Socks.
  3. Swaddles.
  4. Diapers and wipes. The hospital will provide this but if you are wanting a specific brand you will want to bring your own.
  5. Bottle/formula. If you are not planning to breastfeed you will need to bring your own formula and bottle. The hospital will have some on hand if you need it. I suggest doing lots of research on formula. Do not just go with what is recommended!
  6. Swaddles. The hospital will provide plenty of swaddles, but let’s be honest- there are definitely cuter/cozier ones out there!
  7. Pacifier. The hospital will give you one on request but if you have a specific brand or type you are wanting to use make sure to bring that.
  8. Car seat. Make sure you bring the car seat if you want to take the baby home!

Have you heard of Earthly Wellness? 
Earthly is a company dedicated to providing only natural, herbal wellness products and supplements for the entire family! My favorite thing about Earthly is that each product quickly and accurately tells if I can use it safely while pregnant and/or nursing. They have everything you need to start your non-toxic, chemical free journey to wellness! Go check them out at the link below and use code LITTLEWIFE10 to enjoy 10% off your first purchase.

Click here to shop!

Other Things to Consider

1. Two phone chargers or a battery pack. Having two separate chargers for you and your support person is a great idea!

2. Photo props/outfits. If you are wanting those cute hospital/fresh 48 pics then do not forget to grab the gear!

3. Your birth plan. This is the most important part of having a positive natural birth experience. Make sure you have a written guide of care for the hospital staff. If your nurses and doctors were as amazing as ours they will do their best to support the plan! You just need to make sure it is available to them. As stated before- make sure your support person is also clued in on the plan!

What the Hospital Will Provide for You

This list may be more specific to *your* hospital but it is definitely worth looking into what is provided by the hospital. You will likely still be paying for it as part of your bill but it is nice knowing what is available to ask for should you need it. Here is everything our hospitals provided during our stay…

  • Diapers and wipes for baby.
  • Paci (on request)
  • Formula
  • Food/vending stations
  • Water in a HUGE cup with a straw
  • Diapers/maxi pads for mom
  • Perineum itch spray
  • Ice pads
  • Heating pad
  • Tuck’s witch hazel pads
  • Popsicles
  • Ice (nice during labor)
  • Baby blankets/swaddles
  • Baby bed
  • Baby bath supplies
  • Gown (highly recommend bringing your own- it is more comfortable)
  • Pillows/blankets
  • Socks
  • Hand pump
  • Nipple ointment
  • Mesh underwear
  • Birthing ball/peanut ball

We hope this has been a helpful guide on your birth journey! Do not forget to add these items to your registry if appropriate.

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