Little Wife in the Woods

Discontentment: Not Your Average Thanksgiving Post

Discontentment

Noun
• lack of satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation : lack of contentment:
  • a restless desire or craving for something one does not have
• a sense of grievance
• Want of content; uneasiness or inquietude of mind; dissatisfaction at any present state of things 

Discontentment happens one of two ways.

The first is when we become obsessed with our own needs, at least we think they’re needs. Like excessive time to yourself, those new clothes, that name brand stand mixer (ok that one is probably just me), etc. The other is the trap of comparison. We have the world at our fingertips, literally, these days. It’s easy to see, or perceive, the “perfect” lives of others and begin feeling discontent with your own life. Wishing for the things of others. 

I found the above definitions convicting as I studied them out. “…dissatisfaction at any present state of things.” That one hurt. I began searching my heart and mind and recalling some of the recent thoughts that I had allowed to roam throughout my being. I quickly realized what I thought wasn’t discontentment, was. My desire for some specific things had become a root of discontentment in my heart. Not that it was all consuming, just everytime the thought occurred, it came with a longing. With some unrest in my soul because of a material gain I want. A good thing even, but not the current will of God for my life. It isn’t that you can never have a thought of desiring something. But it is allowing those desires to cause unrest. Wishing so greatly for the things you don’t have that it causes any kind of disappointment or unrest to your heart. A lack of trust in the will of God that He is carrying out in your life right now. 

Think of how the attitude of discontentment affects your home.

Like it or not your children will reflect your attitude right back to you. They thrive or decline off of you, Mama. I know it’s a crushing weight to bear some days, that responsibility. Truly, I do, but, it is the truth and we as mothers need to own up and take responsibility for it. Children are extremely sensitive to our moods. If you’re discontent with your life, so are your children with theirs. 

How about your husband? He is your provider. He works hard to meet the needs of your family. I’ve seen the life drain from a husband’s eyes as his wife casually mentions something she’d like to have, then states how they can’t afford it. Ashamedly, I’ve been that wife at times. A good man, and a hardworking husband desires nothing more than to provide. It is his calling just as homemaking is ours. It’s a slap in the face to essentially tell him he isn’t doing enough for you. We’re tearing down instead of building up our spouse when we welcome an attitude of discontentment into our home, even inadvertently. This topic is something I’ve recognized that I’ve been too casual with in my own home. This mentality can slip in without us even realizing it. It’s time we cast it out and count our blessings. 

What about The Provider? How do you think it affects the heart of God and our Savior to hear us welcoming discontentment into our hearts after the price He paid for our souls. After saving us from hell and providing our needs daily. I imagine it breaks the heart of God to give His only Son for a people who choose to be dissatisfied with not only our salvation, but the blessings He’s poured out on top of that sacrifice. 

Can we pause in this season and go far beyond just being thankful for what’s already been given, and be content if He never gave us anything else?

Philippians 4:11-12 KJV

[11] Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. [12] I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

Luke 12:15 KJV

[15] And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.

1 Timothy 6:6‐7.KJV

[6] But godliness with contentment is great gain. [7] For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. 

Hebrews 13:5 KJV

[5] Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

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Why We Decided Not to Vaccinate our Babies: Thoughts by Moms for Moms

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice and should not be taken as such.

Introductory Thoughts and Our Motive Behind This Post

We want to be very clear that we are in no way stating that you should not vaccinate your child. We believe that this decision is a right given us by God and our country as American citizens. No matter what camp you fall in- vaxxer, non-vaxxer, delayed/altered schedule vaxxer- you have every right to choose. No one here is criticizing anyone who disagrees with our views on vaccinations.

Our purpose in this post is that young mothers like us who are in search of information can find it. It is very important that whatever you decide you have confidence and peace in your decision. There is so much information out there that is fear based or just plain misinformation. That is why we wrote this post, to give you clear reasons why we as moms have chosen not to vaccinate our children.

We are not here to fear monger you into any state of mind concerning vaccines, only to share our own experiences and research thus far on our own motherhood journeys. We desire to have a very balanced approach to the topic and, as always, we encourage you to do your own research.

You are mom. You make the decision for your children right or wrong, good or bad. As mothers we get to live with the decisions we make. This may be frightening but in a world with so much information we can be well researched in our decision making process. What a blessing!

All we ask is that all mamas be informed and make their decisions with their eyes wide open. Parents know best for their children, but let’s put in the work to be informed ones.

1. Forcing Vaccines is a Breech if Rights for Free Americans.

As stated previously we believe in the right to choose what we believe to be best as American parents. Obviously agreeing that any immoral conduct or illegal conduct is not in the best interest of the child and must be interfered with for the sake of that child’s well-being.

Choosing not to vaccinate your child is neither illegal (yet!) nor immoral. It has not been scientifically proven to be detrimental to a child’s well being. Unfortunately, children have died from diseases that may have been prevented by vaccines and they have also died from sickness caused by vaccines.

Therefore it is our right as parents to do the research, know our children/circumstances, and to make the best decision we can based on the information we have.

No government agency, pediatrician, or even family member has the right to fear monger, force, or shame you regarding your decision. (This is true for both sides of the aisle!)

The fact that the government has begun to overreach in this area is one reason I had pause as a young mother trying to decide what was best for my baby. Why were they so involved? Why couldn’t I find a pediatrician after six calls to local offices that required my child to follow the schedule or else not be seen? I felt as though my freedoms did not matter. That my choice as a parent was not valid. Their health and safety as their mother is my number one priority. Why was I expected to make all the right decisions in every other area of life but I was just supposed to trust the “professionals” on this one?

2. Vaccine Manufacturers Are Not Held Accountable

At the end of the day one of the most disturbing thing about all of this is that no big pharma company can be legally held responsible for any vaccine they have made or for the recommended schedule your pediatrician is promoted to prescribe (according to the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act of 1986). This means they can make whatever product they want and at the end of the day they can get by with whatever their agenda is- money, fame, science experiment, etc.

That is why whatever decision you make has to be the one you can live with no matter the outcome. Big Pharma companies, scientists, and pediatricians will not be the ones awake at night living with your choices. You will be.

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3. Risk vs. Benefit Analysis on Vaccine Side Effects

This is something that has to be considered by every parent when it comes to what we believe to be the safest choice for our children. When trying to figure out what is best for your family a risk vs benefit analysis is probably the most important step!

This is how my husband and I (Anna) have come to make pretty much every medical decision for our family. Are the possible benefits greater than the risks? Does the circumstance warrant the risk even if it outweighs the benefit? Have the benefits been proven by evidence based facts? Lastly, am I willing to live with the consequences if the worst outcome happens? Can I stand by my choice if my child is injured or dies due to a disease? Can I stand by my choice if my child is injured or dies due to a vaccine?

In our research, we went through each package insert. I found clinical trials, or in some cases, little to no trials. I also found in the ones for the “scarier diseases” that I was having trouble denying, in many cases, weren’t clinically shown to reduce risk or have any lasting immunity at all. So what I thought was a benefit for the risk really was 100% risk for no proven benefit. It made the decision clear for us. I also found that in many cases in history where vaccines were shown to lower disease rates, there were other factors like sanitation practices, or even the criteria for diagnosis changed, which gave the appearance of a large drop to the disease. I just couldn’t put my trust in “safe and effective” when I couldn’t find much research to back the claims. For these and many other reasons, we chose not to vaccinate our children.

In some cases, the potential side effects of the immunization are worse than the disease they’re trying to prevent. This information can be very helpful if you are choosing to do an altered schedule. For example, if there is a risk of death, seizures, or paralysis with a vaccine even if considered highly unlikely, but the disease causes itchy red bumps, a rash, or cold like symptoms that last 7-10 days, is it worth the risk for you?

4. Personal Experiences

Anna: I have personally been injured by an injection given without informed consent. I was too young and naive to even realize I needed to ask more questions and trusted my provider when they suggested this was best. It set off an autoimmune response in my body that I still fight to this day. When I called to report my injury, I was dismissed, saying that it couldn’t possibly be due to the injection I received, and I couldn’t file my report. This injection was not a vaccine, but it caused me to question. If I can’t report my reaction here, then how many reactions are being denied and not even recorded?

Tori: I also have an autoimmune disease most likely linked to the HPV vaccine. I was a completely healthy pre-teen when I was given the first round and I soon began constantly battling fever, chills, flu like symptoms every couple weeks. I was diagnosed with mononucleosis four times during the ages of 12-14 (we eventually stopped going to the doctor for it). I was homeschooled, from a very sheltered Christian home so there was absolutely no reason I should be getting a diagnosis of mono every couple months.

I dealt with this along with many other symptoms such as body aches, arthritis like symptoms, depression, and more all throughout my teen years. It was always shrugged off by pediatric doctors. It was not until I was 19 that I finally got a doctor to take me seriously. After lots of testing I was diagnosed with a thyroid condition called Hashimotos disease. Just a coincidence? Maybe. But there are thousands of stories just like mine. How many young people in their twenties do you know personally that have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease? This is not normal. Something environmentally or culturally had to produce this.

5. Conflict of Interest

Follow the money. Companies like Merck, Johnson & Johnson, and Pfizer make “donations” to their “third party” testing labs that test their products for safety and effectiveness. To me, it would seem like that wouldn’t be permitted as it is a clear conflict of interest. The information is public record, so you can research it for yourself if you’d like to. Finding this out threw some red flags for me. If someone is making “large donations” to a third party lab for their testing, they are no longer a third party. Where there is money, there is a level of control on the results.

If anything proved this and made me question even further the corruption in the government medical system the pandemic in 2020 certainly did. I think we can all see after the smoke cleared that there was definitely a money trail. They used us a pawns for scientific research games and monetary gains.

The fact that Americans were forced to be test subjects in scientific research so Big Pharma could make more money should be more than alarming. For me it lead to the question- what else are they doing to me/my children for a dollar? My babies are too precious to me to hand over as lab rats in some game.

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Things That Made Me Think

Written by Anna Bourdess

-Why are there laws stating that vaccine manufacturers can’t be held liable for injuries if they’re safe and effective?

-Why do they give newborns a Hep B shot immediately after birth if the only way you can catch it is sexual contact or a dirty needle? (When the mother tests negative.)

-If all babies are born with “low” vitamin K, why is it not just considered normal infant levels? Maybe God has a purpose in His design.

-Why do they give a tetanus immunization after exposure when vaccines are strictly preventative and it takes weeks to build antibodies?

-Why do they give vitamin K (it’s not actually just a vitamin, by the way) intramuscularly when the package insert specifically states not to?

-If it’s all about health and safety, then why do I get removed from care at my pediatricians office if I choose not to vaccinate my child? Would they not be more concerned for my health then?

-If it’s all about health and safety, then why do doctors get paid for how many fully vaccinated children they care for?

-Why can’t my care provider answer any of my questions about immunizations, but can tell me they’re safe and effective?

-Even if vaccinations did provide protection, many of the antibodies vaccines are said to give, begin fading within a few months.

-Why are adults considered “up to date” if they no longer receive regular immunizations but children are “behind” if they don’t?

-Why am I only supposed to introduce one food at a time to monitor for reactions, but I’m not to question why my child is receiving 3-5 immunizations at one time?

Resources For Your Own Research

There are so many good resources to find non-biased, factual information. We certainly cannot name them all here but we decided to add a list of references and recommendations.

  • @justtheinserts on Instagram
  • @faithfulfreemama on Instagram
  • Books and Interviews/Podcasts by Dr. Paul Thomas (retired pediatrician)
  • Well Considered (a book with all information pulled from .gov websites)
  • Candace Owens: A Shot in the Dark
  • Package inserts (found in every vaccine package; lists all the side effects and ingredients)

There are so many more we could list but these are great places to start.

We hope this post has made you think. Regardless of your choice, you are doing an awesome job mama! All these decisions are tough and we pray God will guide you in what is best for your little family.

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Mom Fails: A Humorous Collection of Our Not So Finest Motherhood Moments

We decided to go a little more light-hearted on the blog this week. Please enjoy a collection of the times small things felt like a big deal (thank you hormones), moments that “mom brain” took our thoughts hostage and some of the most laughable moments from the beginning of our journeys into motherhood to now. We hope you feel a little less alone in your journey, knowing we’ve probably done something worse.

-Anna and Tori

mom fails quote

The Taco Incident

During my (Anna) pregnancy, I had to be monitored a few times due to blood pressure spikes. We were leaving the hospital at 2:00 a.m. one morning after being discharged from monitoring, and I had a pregnancy craving for Taco Bell. I wish we would’ve just gone home, but I have a husband that spoils me, especially during pregnancy, so off to Taco Bell we went. About halfway home, I am suddenly overwhelmed with nausea. Like the kind that reaches up with a death grip and locks onto you. Sort of like your mama pinching your thigh in church, but it’s your stomach. I always kept a small trash can in my car for such moments as these, except my husband had taken it out to empty it and forgotten to put it back the evening before. I urgently state that he needs to pull over, but it’s too late. Looking at my options, I had the choice to puke all over the console or hang my head out the window at 65mph like a golden retriever with their jowls flapping in the wind. I made the wrong one. Knowing the blowback is going to be what feels like nearly fatal, I try to position myself to prevent as much spray as possible, but it doesn’t work. While my husband is attempting to stop the vehicle, the acidic eruption of tacos that once were whole takes place. Previously enjoyed tacos, including shredded cheese, half processed lettuce, and all come back at my face, unable to stand against the now 55mph winds of the slowing vehicle. Up my nose, through my hair, down the vehicle, splattered across the headliner, and the worst part, all over my husband they went.

There’s more to this story, but I’ll just end for now with this. If you’re ever faced with the choice to puke in the glove box or out the window at 55mph. Choose the glove box. There’s no way it’s worse.

The Pancakes Were Not Fluffy

I (Tori) was around four months postpartum when I became pregnant with my second child. This said, I was still dealing with fresh, new postpartum hormones and shall we say- BIG FEELINGS while also experiencing the hormone shifts that happen in early pregnancy. It was a wild time!

Your girl wanted pancakes. From scratch, fluffy, buttery pancakes. So I decide I am going to make them. If you have been around here any time you know that I just go in the kitchen and whip things up all the time. It usually turns out fine, I have a good base knowledge of how to cook just about anything. But in walks my wonderful husband. Trying to be helpful I suppose, he decides to recommend that instead I use a recipe from the Betty Crocker cookbook his mother always used. His mom is a pretty good cook so I figured why not?

Well about a minute into the first pancake I can tell these are not going to be fluffy. At least not the fluffy I was craving. I am trying to hold it together at this point but they just are not fluffing up. I lost it. I absolutely cried while flipping these limp, not fluffy pancakes! And now when my toddler cries over food not being everything she hoped it would be I kind of think, “Me too girl. Me too!”.

Nipples and a Measuring Tape

It’s the third night home from the hospital with my newborn. My (Anna) hormones are a wreck, and I’m having a meltdown because my baby is screaming hungry but has forgotten how to latch. My husband, being the “fixer” he is, starts searching for a way to help us. Before I even realize what’s going on, here comes Philip with his professional grade tape measurer and starts measuring my nipples with it. I’m crying, Jackson is crying, and Philip, well, Philip is holding a tape measurer across my chest. He adamantly states that I need a product called a nipple shield to help baby latch, and he’s figuring out what size I need. He says he’s going to the store as soon as they open, and he’ll be right back. All the hormones, sobbs, and baby screams, and there’s my husband with his tape measurer. The image of this in my head cracks me up every time I think about it, but you know what, he was right, and it worked. I ended up using it for a few months before being able to transition Jackson away from it. Postpartum is a wild ride, y’all!

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The Induction Saga

It was my first baby. I had researched all the things and I was very anti all the things. I already have this thing with doctors, the medical system, and a couple conspiracy theories that are a big deal in my brain. So you better believe I had no plans of having an induction!

When my daughter stopped gaining weight according to their ultrasound indications I was told I would need to be induced. This was completely shocking due the fact that no one had prepared me for what exactly we were monitoring and the fact that I might need an induction. They were also not at all prepared for my lack of cooperation in the process!

I guess they thought I would be happy about it, or relieved. Instead, not really knowing exactly why we were needing to be induced, I began asking questions and pushing back on the whole idea. I was actually somewhat hysterical!

Especially when my husband said the words, “I really just don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”

And the red head was set off! At this point the nurse practitioner had left to get the doctor that was in charge at my request because I wanted more information STAT. It is a good thing too because this is when I unleashed every conspiracy theory, fact, and static to my husband on exactly why the was a HUGE DEAL! I must have looked pretty concerning because when they all walked back in the room everyone was looking at me like I was crazy. Irrational or not, this was a big deal in my mind!

You can read my full birth story here. (Side note, I did not get an induction!)

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How to Enjoy Motherhood: 8 Things to Try in Those Not So Enjoyable Moments

This post is a part two of the post How to Enjoy Motherhood in the Little Years. In that post we discussed practical tips for how to enjoy all the different aspects of life with little people. In this post we will dive into practical ways you can adjust your mindset and routine when motherhood is less than enjoyable.

enjoying motherhood main image

*We are Tori and Anna- moms in the trenches with three babies between us under the age of three. We are not professionals. We are not seasoned mothers. We’re just young moms going through birth, postpartum, and these little years with you, giving our fresh perspective on motherhood as we enjoy the journey ourselves.

1. Adjust Your Mindset for Enjoying Motherhood

Mindset is everything. Don’t think, “Oh no, I have to stop and feed the baby,” think, “I get to stop and feed my baby.” When I (Anna) plan to go out and run errands, I actually plan and alot places for making those little pit stops to care for my baby. It becomes something I look forward to. A chance to pause and rest for a few moments before heading to the next task. If you treat your children like an inconvenience, even accidentally, they will pick up in it. Children feed off of your emotions. They will reflect your attitude back at you.

My little one doesn’t sleep well, and pretty much never has no matter what I’ve tried. He is almost a year old and has never slept without waking multiple times a night. I could choose to be bitter about this and complain, but I chose a different perspective. I chose to see it as “extra” time with him. The years go fast even when the nights are long, so I’ll be grateful for all the nights pacing with a restless baby.

2. Choose to Enjoy the Pace of Motherhood

We discussed this a bit in our previous post (if you haven’t read that yet we highly suggest you read that post as well!). If you are an on the go kind of person it can be hard to just enjoy slowing down at the pace of babies and young children. Even if your personality more laid back it can be aggravating that it takes twice as long (or longer) just to get out the door, get to bed, clean your house, etc.

“The more you fight against the season you’re in the less joy you will find in it.”

Embrace the slower pace, the night wakings, the sticky messes and you’ll find beauty in the hard places.

Anna

Embrace the fact that it is going to take you five times longer to do anything you did before having babies. It’s ok, in fact I believe it should be celebrated. I truly believe God designed this pace for mothers. When you embrace it, you will learn how to enjoy it. You will stay stressed and become bitter with your children if you have the mindset that they’re constantly slowing you down.

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3. Don’t Expect Everything Out of Yourself

We’re all in different seasons. Know what your capacity is for your season. Don’t overload yourself with optional tasks, and end up so stressed out over them that you can’t serve your family well. Learn how to say, “No, I can’t do that right now.”

More tasks are optional than you think. It may not be your season to cook for all of the church dinners, volunteer for nursery, do bus route, go to prayer, be at every ladies meeting, and show up to every birthday party, and football game, all while training littles, managing a home and being there for your husband. It isn’t possible, and you will run yourself into the ground trying to be something for everyone.

Prioritize. For us, this looks like my walk with The Lord, my husbands needs, our child’s needs, and the health of our home (spiritual, physical and emotional), and then church and the ministries at church we are responsible for. This isn’t an excuse to get out of things. When run properly, your home should run cohesively with your local church. You’ll have to learn your balance between ministry and home life. Everyone’s is a little different, but this isn’t an excuse to avoid responsibilities. The Lord expects service in your home and in His house. You just need to learn to operate where He expects you to be and not in others’ expectations.

It’s about serving in a way where each area gets the best of you, not the rest of you.

Anna

4. Keep Your Focus and Priorities Right

This piggy backs off the last point…

Juggling priorities as a wife and mother can be overwhelming. We are creatures of constant motion! When things start to get off balance when it comes to my priorities I generally find my children less enjoyable. They can be doing the same things they always do but when my priorities get out of whack I find their presence interrupting and annoying. Off balance or just slacking in areas does not bring out the best mom in me. I need to constantly check myself to be sure I have my priorities right and that I am able to fulfill them.

Of course my children are one of my top priorities. However, when other things are slacking or being ignored I often find myself trying to get by with the bare minimum as a mom instead of making advancements. This is not fair to my children, nor is it any way to truly enjoy the gift of motherhood.

So how do you overcome this balancing act of priorities? I am still learning! This is what I’ve learned works for me so far…

Keep God first. This is hard with littles constantly demanding to be first place over everything in life. And they definitely should be close to the top of that list! However, I find that when I put God first all the other things find a place in a smoothness I could never create on my own without Him.

Make a list of your top ten priorities in the season you are in right now. Arrange them in order of importance (some things will be close or intertwined in importance but do your best to be honest and realistic). I’m my case the top four to five on the list are truly the most important things. When life gets crazy, as long as I am striving to keep those five plates spinning we call it a win.

Be ready to pivot. Some days things on the priority list have to shift and that has to be okay. It does not mean you failed if some things had to take a backseat. Motherhood is constantly pivoting and regrouping.

5. Remember You Are in a Season

Whatever is not so enjoyable about motherhood right now will quickly be gone. Maybe that helps give you some relief. Maybe that makes you realize that it is not as big of a deal as it seems.

Let me be clear- some seasons of motherhood are not enjoyable. Enjoying motherhood is not about pretending those seasons do not exist but choosing to find joy in the midst of those seasons. It is refusing to focus on the unenjoyable moments and letting them cloud out the beauty in every day, ordinary motherhood.

Tori

It is not wrong of you to feel like motherhood is not enjoyable when you are going through the postpartum blues, or a tough stage of training a toddler, or sickness with a baby. These are hard and they are definitely not enjoyable! But they do pass! And we cannot let these things rob us of the joy and blessing of being a mother.

So whatever hard season you are in right now shift your mindset by remembering- it’s just a season.

6. Take a Deep Breath

Sometimes motherhood is less enjoyable, not because of anything my children are doing, or a specific season but because I am overwhelmed. Maybe lots of things are going on in my mind or I have a lot to get done and just can’t get it together. Regardless of the reason, when I’m being snappy or short with my children I find that going to a quiet place just for a few seconds to take a deep breath grounds me. It brings me back into focus. I breathe a short prayer as well many times. Then I go about my tasks without viewing my children as a constant annoyance.

If I am very overwhelmed, days on end, with minimal relief or I have been experiencing a very difficult season I try to take a few hours to be alone with nothing to do but relax during nap time.

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7. Ask for Help

It does not make you a bad mother to ask for help. Repeat it with me. It does not make you a bad mother to ask for help.

It doesn’t mean you’re unqualified or incapable of being a mother if you ask for help. Everyone needs help with something at some point in their lives. It would be a disservice to your family for you to struggle along, needing help, but not be willing to ask for it. They’ll learn many of their behaviors from you, especially the traits they carry into adulthood. Would you want your child to desperately need help but never ask for it because they thought it’d make them look weak? They’ll learn first from you.

8. Just be Thankful

No matter how rough your season of motherhood is it could always we worse. If you have healthy babies you have more than some mamas do. To have this blessing of motherhood at all is such a gift!

When I find myself in a low place and find motherhood more of a burden than a blessing -and we all do at times- what helps me most is to stop and just be thankful.

Tori

Wherever you’re at remember you used to pray for the things you have now! Those little people are gifts, blessings to cherish and enjoy.

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[jetpack-related-posts]

How to Enjoy Motherhood in the Little Years

Hi littles mama! We see you- running around trying to keep all these little people alive. You’re doing a fantastic job by the way! Ever feel like you’re just trying to survive another day of motherhood? That if you can just make it to bedtime you might stay sane another day? We’ve definitely been there!

We are Tori and Anna. Moms of little people just like you! Currently between us we have three children- just turned two, about to turn one, and a ten month old. We definitely feel the crazy!

motherhood graphic

Just like you, we long to enjoy these days, not just become survivors of motherhood. These days are short, precious, and let’s be honest- sometimes they are hard. We long to make the most out of them and truly say on the other side of this season- “Wow! Those were good days!”

We are not pros. We definitely are still learning this thing of mothering little people. But we truly love it- and so can you! We’ve compiled a list of very practical, everyday scenarios and pain points that may help you navigate this season of little…

Leaving the House with Littles

This can be a major pain point as a new mom with a little, or two! Each new child you add changes the dynamic of getting out the door, in the car, then to and through the destination. We all know those moms who always get a sitter for grocery shopping or errand running. And hey- if that’s you, I don’t blame you a bit!

However some of us who do not live close to family or find getting out of the house for a bit a refreshment have to figure out how to do it with these little people.

I will say at first I found this complicated and somewhat frustrating. Even with just one baby it seemed impossible to get out the door smoothly and run an errand without interruption. Then about the time I (Tori) got it figured out with my first baby a second one came along and it was time to learn all over again!

Here are a few things we learned about leaving the house with littles absolutely dread free…

  • Plan plan plan, but be okay with your plan not working! Where are you going? How long do you expect to be gone? Will the baby/toddler need to eat within that time frame? What can you bring along to keep them busy? Thinking through all these things will help you plan your outing. Think through things like when your baby will need to eat. Add a bit of time for a nursing stop if you are breastfeeding. Then be okay if your plan has to change. Motherhood is constantly pivoting!
  • Homemade bottle warmer. We all have a thermal cup somewhere (or ten!). Boil water and place it in a thermos with a lid. This will serve as a bottle warning station that will allow you to quickly heat up a bottle any time you are out. You can even hear it up while you are driving and have a bottle ready to go when you reach your destination.
  • Know it’s going to take twice as long and just go with the flow. Keep your expectations low. Do not think you can cram all the things into one day. Look at your list of errands. See what absolutely must be done. Do those things first and if things are going well continue through your list until everyone is done.
  • Practice! It gets better. The more you go out with a baby, the better you’ll be at it. It’s hard, it’s really hard at first actually, but you’ll get better and soon it’ll be second nature. I (Anna) remember being terrified the first time I took my baby to the doctor without my husband. But now, baby is just my little errand buddy.
  • Train your toddler for parking lot safety. This was a terrifying thought for me (Tori) when it came to leaving with two under two. In fact I didn’t go in any stores for a few months. The logistics of getting two babies out of the car and into a cart safely was a bit stressful. I began by training my toddler when we got in/out of the car to hold the back tire beside me and to not move while I buckled her sister in. Now she instantly, without even being told (although I still remind her plenty!), will place both hands on the tire and wait until I get sister out and grab her hand.
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Enjoying God with Littles

God has a special way of meeting women and mothers where they are if they’ll make the effort to draw near to Him first. As mothers, we rarely get the opportunity to go spend five hours in the woods communing with God. Especially when you’re in the season of having littles. He understands this and will still meet with you while babies crawl around at your feet, and toddlers are smearing snot across the window. Make the effort, and He will honor it.

If you are already communing with The Lord, you’ll be grateful for what you catch at the back door bouncing a baby or in the nursery listening to babies screams overpower the speaker for the service.

Just do. With them, without them. Quiet, not quiet. If you’re waiting on the perfect circumstances you’ll rarely have time with God!

-Tori

Enjoying Church with Littles

A big part of enjoying church with littles will revolve around your daily walk with The Lord. If you treat church as your lifeline thrown to you while you’re drowning, you’ll die spiritually every time you have to step out of service with a baby. You’ll feel empty if you require filling in every service just to survive until the next. If you’ve been walking with God throughout your week, church will feel like a bonus to your spiritual life, not the only thing keeping you afloat.

I’m not trying to discount the importance of being at and in church. What I mean is this, if you as a mother have no daily walk with The Lord and treat church like your spiritual lifeline thrown to you before you drown in your week, then you’ll grow cold and die when you miss a service taking your baby out. It has never and will never be the churches job to keep your closeness with God alive.

If you don’t want to live in the nursery, don’t start in the nursery!! If your baby learns that all they have to do is fuss a little, and they’ll get to go play in the nursery, then they’re going to fuss every service. If you were a child, would you rather sit still and be quiet or go play with toys? Babies will need to be taken out. We understand that, but don’t reward a behavior you don’t want to encourage. If I (Anna) have to take my baby out (and I do often), I address the issue (diaper, feeding, etc), and then we go right back in service.

I stay in the back to be as little of a disturbance as possible, but we’re still in service. I also don’t let them down most of the time. I don’t want my babies to think they can whine a little and get out of sitting through church. Adopt this mindset when they’re babies, and you won’t have to retrain toddlers. Now, there are exceptions I make at times if I know they’ve had a particularly hard day stuck in the carseat, traveling, and such. Know your child’s limit.

*I (Tori) can 100% stand by this statement and method of child training. It is hard, hard work in the beginning. However, now as a mom of a two year old I can already testify to the benefits of early, immediate church training. She certainly still has her days but our toddler can now sit through a two hour church service generally still and quiet for her age.

We realize that adopting this mindset is hard. Most of the child training years you will not be getting a whole lot out of the service as you try to train your baby to stay quiet, be still, and do so with a good attitude. However, it will be so worth it on the other end! Keep the end goal in mind. Don’t focus on the “failures” of yesterday’s church service. Just keep training. Keep working and soon you will look back to see the benefits of your efforts!

Bonus Tip:
For the last several years as I have tried to keep my babies in church, I have made my goal “one thing”. If I can just get “one thing” out of the service, one phrase of the message, one verse that was read, one testimony that encourages me- often I can take that one thing into my week and God will use it to feed my soul as I dwell and meditate on that “one thing”. Of course I often get more than one thing as I am faithful to God’s House but even in the rough services of child training and children acting up He is always faithful to give me “one thing” as I am faithful to listen.

-Tori

Enjoying Who the Are

Learning their little quirks and personality traits can be so fun. Some of them can also be annoying. Learning the difference between what is just them and what is unacceptable behavior can be tricky. When it’s who they are just embrace it. Try to shape them without braking who God made them, even if some of who they are is conflicting with your personality!

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For example, one of my (Tori) children is a hardcore extrovert (much like her dad!). I am most definitely not. Even as a baby this girl would attract so much attention and she absolutely loved it while I stood in horror at the fact that I had to talk to all these random strangers she was winning over! So much of me wanted to squelch that. Make quick exits away from people. Until I realized that this little girl has a gift and it is not mine to take away or to dampen. This is who God made her! She brightens people’s day in a way that only she can and that is not just for my enjoyment alone. It is a gift plenty big enough for all she meets!

Children change so often as they grow that sometimes it can feel like waking up to a new person each day. Get excited about it, look forward to learning more about this little person you birthed. You have the “best seat in the house” for this show.

-Anna

Enjoying the Pace of Littles

Embrace the fact that it is going to take you five times longer to do anything you did before having babies. It’s ok, in fact I believe it should be celebrated. I truly believe God designed this pace for mothers. When you embrace it, you will learn how to enjoy it. You will stay stressed and become bitter with your children if you have the mindset that they’re constantly slowing you down.

I (Tori) am a go-getter. I have to constantly have a project (or twelve!). As a new mom I almost felt so “held back” because this little person would not just let me do all the things! As the years have gone by I have both developed a flow so that I am able to have those life-giving projects while still keeping these little at the forefront of my priorities. After all, they are my funnest “project”!

I say all that for the mom who feels like she’s lost herself in motherhood. In many ways you have and that is not at all a bad thing. It is a beautiful, natural part of motherhood the way God designed it. If you feel a bit lost, just know, there are ways to develop a flow for those things that you enjoy. You may just find as your children get older those are the things they will adopt to enjoy as well!

“The more you fight against the season you’re in the less joy you will find in it.”

Embrace the slower pace, the night wakings, the sticky messes and you’ll find beauty in the hard places.

-Anna
The Best Creamy Butternut Squash Soup Recipe
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6 Reasons Knowing Jesus Makes Motherhood Different

I did not know when I got saved as a nineteen year old, unmarried young woman how much I would need God for motherhood. Today, as a young mom of two littles, I cannot even begin to imagine doing life apart from God- especially in this season of motherhood. Together, Anna and I compiled a list of just a few specific areas that knowing Christ has completely made a difference in the area of motherhood. We pray this will encourage you if you are a mother who knows Jesus. You are not in this thing alone! If you do not know Christ, have never trusted Jesus as your Saviour and repented of your sins, we pray this post will bring you to that place of understanding and that you will turn to Him.

-Tori

Main image

Salvation

Just knowing Him makes all the difference- in marriage, in motherhood, in all of life! I am no longer the person I was before I knew Jesus. I have the ability, in Him, to face every day, every challenge with peace, joy, and self control. Do I always choose this? No. But do I have this power in Him- yes!!

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

John 14:27

Let me paint you a picture. As a nineteen year old girl I (Tori) was lost, confused, and so lonely. You would not know by looking at me. I looked pretty good on the outside. I grew up in church. I was honestly trying to be a good Christian. But I was doing it all apart from Christ. On the inside I was full of sun that I had no victory over. I was dirty and I knew it with no wat to cleanse myself of who I was- believe me, I tried! I was in constant turmoil with, never at rest. That is exactly the mother I would be today if it was not for salvation!

I cannot imagine facing all the challenges of life without a Refuge. Motherhood is beautiful. It is such a joy! Yet, if you are a mother you know that in all that joy there are times of darkness, lonely times, and fearful times. Trying to fathom facing every day life without an Anchor and a Rock is nearly impossible to comprehend!

When little people are coming to you for all the answers, it’s a privilege to have access to The One who actually has all the answers. I can’t imagine trying to raise babies with only my own wisdom to rely on. Salvation makes all the difference in your motherhood journey.

-Anna

Prayer

A benefit of salvation- knowing Christ and living in fellowship with Him, is being able to go to God at any time through prayer. Though many of us do not fully grasp the fullness of this blessing all those who know the Lord would tell you that without prayer life would be impossible. Being able to take anything to Him at any time as a mother brings so much comfort! (Read Hebrews 4:15-16)

I literally cannot imagine motherhood without the fellowship with God through prayer. It makes all the difference on the hard days, when my attitude isn’t what it should be, when things aren’t how I think they should be, when I’m not enough, when I feel lonely. Just the fact that I can take everything to Him- and He’ll never be over-burdened with my crazy mess! As the song says…

“What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.”

A Place to Go with all the Decisions

From the beginning of my pregnancy and even before really, my husband and I tried to bathe our baby in prayer.
One specific example of the importance of prayer in motherhood/pregnancy in my journey would be our choice to go with a hospital birth for our first baby. We debated between birth center, hospital, and homebirth, and though I wanted as least intervention as possible, I couldn’t get peace about a homebirth or birth center. We felt peace with a hospital birth, and specifically one with a NICU. I’m so thankful that we sought God’s wisdom because He knew where we needed to be. I ended up with PROM and delivered my preemie at 36 weeks.

-Anna

Learning to Lean on God Through the Power of Prayer as a Mother

Learning to lean on God through the power of prayer makes all the difference. Taking everything to Him throughout your pregnancy, birth, the newborn months, and everything beyond!

Prayer literally carried me (Tori) through labor. Not in a creepy or mystical way. Just knowing that someone who has gone through the most intense pain, the Maker of my body, and the one in complete control was with me.

Motherhood can get the label of being lonely. I get it, I’ve absolutely been there. But what if all the times you seemed lonely were the beckonings of a Holy God looking to commune with you. Instead of crying in the loneliness, what if you drew closer to The Father?

Mama, if you don’t know Jesus, TRULY know Jesus. If you have never turned from sin and asked Him to save you, then you have no access to Him in prayer. No matter how “good” you are. If you have never trusted in Him to be your everything you have no Lifeline in this crazy world of motherhood.

-Tori

Your Ministry of Prayer

Prayer isn’t just a privilege, although it certainly is! Prayer as a mother is your ministry. If you do not take the initiative to pray for your babies, who will?

There is great power in a mothers prayer. Not that mothers have some greater position with The Lord. But there’s something about the travail of a mama praying for her babies. That great love being poured out in an earnest plea before The Lord for her babies, and her home. It’s a passion unrivaled, in my opinion.

-Anna

The Bible

My Bible is EVERYTHING in motherhood! From the time that little line turns pink, through pregnancy, labor, and mothering littles- it has held me, carried me, guided my every step, and has never failed to help me mother my children.

We all hear it, “They don’t come with a guide book!” Mama, if you know Jesus, have a Bible, and you read it- THIS IS NOT TRUE! He did not give us these babies and leave us helpless. We HAVE a guidebook!

Whether you feel the effects of the Word in the moment or you feel nothing- read it!! You never know when things will suddenly help you down the road. You will look back after times of struggle and coldness to find that as you were faithful to read Gods Word is what propped you up all along. There are so many promises and directions given to mothers, specifically in The Bible.

This world will try to tell you that you can have your own truth. That anything you want to perceive as truth can be truth. I’m so grateful that’s not the case. I get overwhelmed, confused, and frustrated at times. My emotions can get the best of me. I don’t want to trust in me. It’s a blessing to have God’s Word to come to that I can trust in and get guidance. Trying to navigate motherhood without it would end in disaster.

Self Sacrifice

In being a mother, you are laying your needs and desires down to serve your family. It’s easy to fall prey to the snare of selfish desire and discontentment if you let your flesh lead. But if you’ll walk daily with The Lord and follow as He leads, you’ll find He’ll show you a beautiful mirror of how He cares for you in how He is teaching you to care for your babies. Sacrificing yourself to this calling is the most rewarding and fulfilling task you could ever do in life. Without knowing The Lord you can never understand the depth of dying to yourself daily and the fulfillment that comes with it. When following Him, it won’t even feel like a sacrifice as He makes your joy in Him so full! (Read Philippians 2:4-8)

Fruit of the Spirit

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23 KJV

Do any of you Mamas ever need to be gentle or longsuffering in your motherhood journey? Yeah, that’s what I thought. How about love? Do you think love is essential in motherhood? All of the fruits of the Spirit are essential in motherhood. Trying to operate as a mother without Christ in your heart will produce burnout, frustration, and even resentment towards your family. Salvation is the most important decision you will make, and it will affect your entire home in ways you can’t begin to imagine.

The Church

I see women online all of the time looking for “their tribe” or trying to find friendship in motherhood. It’s an issue I never even realized was a problem for women because I’ve always been a part of a local church. I’ve built life-long relationships through being joined with the body of believers. If you’re not saved, you won’t feel that pull to God’s people. You’ll find you’re more comfortable with secular friendships. This will open up your children to secular influence at a very young age. Much before they’re able to “handle it” like you. This will cost your home a great price. More than you even realize in this moment.

The church is a priceless blessing as a mama. If you have littles you may feel like it is just not worth it right now. I’m sad to admit, I’ve been there. But it is so worth it! The fellowship of likeminded believers, mama’s just like you, and sisters who share in our struggles is a precious thing to be apart of! Raising our babies around people who truly love them (because they know God they know what true live is!!) is something you just can’t find anywhere else in the world.

We hope if you are a Christian that these things serve as reminders and encouragement for you in your motherhood journey! Never take for granted what we have in Christ. Let these things be your source of strength today, Mama. We have it all in Him!

-Anna and Tori
[jetpack-related-posts]

Clingy Baby: What to Do with Your Velcro Baby

*Written by Anna Bourdess

Here is the definition of a velcro baby as given by Google:

A “velcro baby” is unusually clingy and doesn’t want to be put down. They may fuss or cry if they aren’t being held, and may only sleep on, with, or next to their caregiver.

how to care for a clingy baby

While it can be challenging to deal with a velcro baby, it’s often a sign of a healthy, secure attachment to a parent. This attachment is important for a baby’s healthy development.”

Pressure to Break the Clingy Baby Habit

I often hear that my baby is spoiled simply because he wants to be held a lot and is clingy to my husband and I. I’ve been told that I need to break that habit, leave him to cry, and force him to stay with others so that way he doesn’t get used to his Mama being around. Doesn’t get used to his Mama being around? I’m sorry, huh? What an ignorant thing to say.

I want my babies to know that Mama will always be around. After all, that’s a big part of my calling as a stay-at-home Mama. To be around for my babies. Listen, Mama, you know what’s best for your baby. If leaving them to scream doesn’t feel right for you, don’t do it. If your only reason for changing anything you do with your baby is someone else’s criticism, then don’t change. There will always be someone who disagrees with you.

Being a parent isn’t about making everyone else happy. It’s about doing what is best for your family, what works for you, and what pleases The Lord. I think there is something terribly messed up with a society that seems to have an obsession with stripping children from their parents. It starts as babies. Later on it’s disguised as public schooling, sports, or extracurricular activities, but in my opinion, it’s all a plot from the enemy to separate families. There is strength in a stable, united home and we start that foundation when they’re babies. We can’t build that if nobody is ever at home together.

Something to remember too mamas, that baby has lived inside your womb for it’s entire existence. It has been warm, had every nutritional need delivered immediately by the umbilical cord, and been nestled close with the sound of your heartbeat to comfort them. Coming into a world and feeling cold for the first time, experiencing loneliness, hunger, sounds louder than ever before, that’s a lot. And some babies take longer adjusting to this big world they’re now in. They need the comfort of their familiar world, you.

Won’t They Be Delayed?

I’m not claiming that this will be the case for every baby, I’m just a first-time mama sharing my experience thus far. I have held Jackson as much as he wanted, excluding some moments when it just wasn’t possible or I needed a break to step away for a few moments. And he has not been delayed in any milestone so far. He has rolled, crawled, babbled, sat up, pulled up, and all the things just as he was “supposed” to. I use that term loosely because every child is different and will progress differently, and that is perfectly ok.

I truly believe development is more God designed than man controlled.

Feed your child whole, nutritious food, don’t sit them in front of a screen their whole life, don’t fill their bodies with toxins, love them well, and support their needs, and they will develop on track just fine. So, if your main concern is that they won’t ever crawl or walk, I assure that emotional needs and development are just as important as the physical milestones and I would even argue have a much longer affect.

When Change is Needed

If your clingy baby is heavily affecting your marriage, then it’s time to change some things. Your marriage must come first. It is essential to the health of your family for your marriage to be first. It is healthy for your children to see you put your spouse ahead of them. If you don’t, they know they can affect it, and that creates instability and causes them to feel like their actions could make or break your relationship with their father.

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Have you heard of my friends over at Earthley Wellness? They are dedicated to providing 100% natural products for the whole family! They have everything you need from hormone support, vitamins and mineral supplements, herbal remedies for colds, fevers, headaches, and so much more. I have been using their products in our home for nearly a year now and we love them! Go check them out and save 10% when you use my link below and the code LITTLEWIFE10 at checkout!

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It can be harder as women to do this, but it is non-negotiable. I can’t say what to do or not do because it’s different for everyone. Find what works for you. Here is an example of something that works for us. I will nurse Jackson to sleep at night. We use a floor bed for him so that I can just nurse him and roll away without disturbing him. This gives my husband and I some actual quality time together without interruption. He will always wake within a few hours, and then we allow him to be in bed with us. This doesn’t work for everyone, and I understand that. My husband and I are both fine with cosleeping/bedsharing right now, so that’s what works for us. It may not always, and it may not be with the next baby, but for now, this is what is working. Again, don’t let anyone else’s criticism affect how you and your husband choose to run your home. If you’re both happy and The Lord is pleased, that is what matters.

Being Stressed Out by your Clingy Baby

It is easy to get touched out when you continually are being clung to for dear life by a tiny human who thinks the world ends when you’re out of their sight and to be fair, theirs does. Thankfully, he is as equally attached to my husband, so I do get a little detachment when Daddy gets home from work. Most days, however, I am not impatiently awaiting a break. It is a privilege to be a tiny someone’s everything. I find the times that I get frustrated are times that I am focused on myself. I’ve become so consumed with my own needs that I want to put them ahead of my family’s needs. I find my joy returns when I remember this life is not about me. It’s about what I can do to serve others, my family being the first among them.

When you need alone time, here is an example of something that works for me. As mentioned before, Jackson comes to our bed after his first wake to nurse in the night. To help get my mind ready for the day, I will get up early and leave Jackson in the bed with my husband. I’ll put the monitor on him to assure he doesn’t roll off or get himself stuck and I’ll go and sit at the table to have time with The Lord alone and to get my thoughts together for the day. This doesn’t always work. Sometimes, he still wakes up, so I just take him with me. It is a wonderful part of the day that I look forward to. It took some discipline to do, as it usually requires being up around four o’clock to beat everyone awake in the morning, but it’s so worth it and has become a joy I look forward to. I don’t claim to be able to get alone every morning, but when I can, it’s a great joy and refreshment.

You Can Do Anything With A Baby on Your Hip

You may not think you can, but I promise you can do just about anything with a clingy baby on your hip (or in a carrier). This may be my first baby, but I actively work a bus route at church, have run a youth camp kitchen, served bus kid lunches, washed the car, cooked supper, cleaned the bathroom, even taken a shower in desperation all with a baby on my hip. It can be done. It will be harder, and you’ll go slower, but it can be done.

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My husband and I made an agreement early in our marriage that we weren’t selling out our kids to work in ministry or be able to do things. What we do, they do. It’s important to us. We have so much to learn and figure out. And I know there will be times where exceptions will be made, but as a general rule, we have chosen not to sell out our babies to others so we can work in ministry or “have fun”.

It’s a Season

If you’re really struggling, I can’t urge you enough to just embrace it. You’ll be so much happier. Just let that baby cling to your side and be his world as long as he’ll let you. I’ve never known a 30 yr old man to still sleep in his parents’ bed and always want to be held. It’ll be fine, just like all the others, this season will pass. Embrace it, and you’ll find the joy in it.

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The Best Creamy Butternut Squash Soup Recipe
Recipes

The Best Creamy Butternut Squash Soup Recipe

littlewifeinthewoodsSep 16, 2025
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Aug 19, 2025
The Best Double Chocolate Protein Muffins Recipe

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[jetpack-related-posts]

15 Tips for Enjoying the Newborn Season

Hi there! We are Anna and Tori. Two moms living and loving early motherhood! We are not experts but we love to share our experience in hopes that some other young moms might find encouragement.

We have had three natural, unmedicated births between us, enjoyed the challenges and blessing of breastfeeding, and living out every day motherhood. Anna and I are both natural living enthusiasts, stay at home wives and mothers, and Christians. This is the lense we view motherhood through along with all its challenges.

Join us here on the blog for tips on natural birth, postpartum, and everyday motherhood!

This post we will be diving into some very practical, simple tips for the newborn season. This is one of the sweetest seasons of motherhood as well as the shortest! It can also be filled with hardship and challenges as you learn to navigate this mom thing. Here are our top tips for surviving, and thriving! in the newborn season.

1. Make sure you are getting enough sleep in the newborn season.

Sleep!? What is that?

I get you girl! It’s crazy town. This baby sleeps one hour, wants to eat two hours, and you haven’t showered in a year! I may sound slightly dramatic unless you are a mom of a newborn.

Not getting enough sleep makes the hard feel harder. If you have already had a baby or a few you do not need me to tell you that sleep needs to be a number one priority in the newborn season. However you have to do that, do it.

2. Get that newborn in the sunshine!

This goes along with prioritizing sleep. If your baby is having trouble with daytime/nighttime confusion or having sleep issues in general this tip is your lifeline. Even a baby that sleeps well will benefit from time outdoors. Getting outside will also help your body regulate your hormones, mama.

This may sound too simple but it works!

If you have a winter baby this can be tricky but I would definitely recommend bundling up every day or two and getting outdoors, even just for 15-30 minutes.

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Does your coffee support your values? Seven Weeks coffee is saving lives by donating 10% of every purchase to pro-life causes that give women access to ultrasounds, prenatal care, and mental health support- ultimately saving lives of precious babies! Not only does it support pro-life values, but the coffee is tastes amazing, is direct trade from trusted farmers, and is mold/toxin free. If you are looking for an active way to support the right to life try out Seven Weeks! Use my link below and the code TORI10 at checkout to save 10% on your first order!

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3. Eat Well and Stay Hydrated.

Again, seems so simple but a lot of the overwhelm, mental and hormonal issues we deal with as moms in the newborn season can be resolved by simply making sure we eat and stay hydrated.

A nursing mother functions best on at least 60, but optimally 80 grams of protein every day. You also need around 128 oz of water daily if you are breastfeeding. Eating and staying hydrated is a job all in itself! Not to mention feeding your baby.

I highly recommend going to every nursing session with a nutritious snack and a big tumbler of water (with a straw!).

If you don’t eat, you won’t make milk, if you don’t make milk you can’t nourish your baby, if you can’t nourish your baby, you have a fussy baby, and so on. Eat real food, eat good food. Nourish your body well so it can nourish your family well.

Anna

4. Create a Cozy Space

Creating a cozy space to do the long nights or midday feedings can really help you relax and calm your mind. If you are like me (Tori) and you get agitated sitting still for too long try setting up several different places and go wherever you feel like. I had place outside, in the living room, and sometimes my bed was most comforting.

5. Embrace the Slowness of the Newborn Season.

As I eased out of the immediate postpartum stage, it was hard for me not to feel like I should be up doing things or going places. Or adjusting to it taking over an hour to get out the door. Just to get somewhere and have to go nurse for an hour (yes, it took an hour or more to nurse my baby). I would feel like I was holding up my family or pressure to do the things I used to do and at the same speed. Honestly, that’s laughable to think on now. You will never do anything at the same speed you did before babies. And that is ok, in fact, I think it’s in God’s perfect design. You owe others no explanations. Your purpose is to serve your family, to please The Lord, and your husband. Don’t worry about the rest. This is your calling, and there is nothing more important. You will learn how to work in ministry with your babies and be busy again. For now, embrace this season.

6. Colic is Real & what to do about it….

We want to address this topic intentionally. Colic can sometimes be thrown around as a blanket statement by doctors when they simply don’t know what is wrong. Colic is a generalized term for babies with consistent fussy or crying periods in the day or night, lasting a few hours usually. It is hard to have a colicky baby and can make you feel like you’re doing everything wrong.

Mama, you’re not doing a horrible job. You’re growing in this together, and there are going to be some “growing pains,” so to speak, along the way. We don’t believe in there being no reason for your baby to be crying. Your crying baby is trying desperately to communicate something to you. Now you’re going to go on a journey together to find the answer. Sometimes, you can try everything it seems, and still not find it, but we encourage you to keep looking. You are not a bad mom for being on this journey.

The first thing we would suggest if you think your baby is getting colicky is pause, listen to their cries, and lean into your intuition. It can literally be as simple as a hair around their big toe or pajamas that are too tight (this happened to me). See if that mothers intuition is telling you anything. (Side note to say if you are taking birth control, have an IUD, or have any outside influence to your hormones, it is possible that it can affect this mothering sense for women). If you’re sitting there, still so lost and have no idea what to do for your fussy little one, it’s okay! It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom!

The next thing to investigate would be tummy troubles. Does your baby get consistently fussy after you’ve eaten certain things (if nursing), or always after taking a bottle (if formula fed)? Could it be the bottle just isn’t a good fit for your little one, and they’re getting too much air? Try another kind. If you are bottle feeding, I can’t recommend enough to get a preemie flow nipple to start them with. They even have ultra preemie nipples if that is still too much. How about the formula? Could you try switching to a goat milk based formula, or one specifically for sensitive tummies? All formulas are not the same, so do your research, Mama. We would also recommend Earthley’s Infant Tummy Relief. Not as a sales pitch, but from Mamas who have used it and trust it. Doing bicycle legs can help relieve any uncomfortable gas baby has, too. Frida Mom makes a product called The Windi that can offer much relief from gas for baby. Just be sure and use coconut oil or another natural lubricant before inserting.

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Some babies prefer side or belly sleeping, and this can make them extra fussy at bedtime. If you’re comfortable with other positions for your baby than back sleeping, you could try placing them to sleep a different way. Do your own research and lean into your intuition as this topic can be controversial.

Chiropractic care. This can help baby with so many issues (and Mama). You’ll often find that constipated babies will poop within 24hrs of an adjustment. Uptight babies will relax. If your baby isn’t nursing, one chiropractic adjustment can allow a baby to instantly latch. It is an amazing thing. When searching for a chiropractor, you want one certified to work prenatally and with infants. They should be easily identified as a family chiropractor, not just a picture of a middle-aged man with an aching back on the door. Common signs your baby could benefit from an adjustment are; head always pulled to one side (go through your million pictures of your newborn to check), signs of colic of course, constipation, gas, excessive spitting up, poor weight gain, not latching, preferring one breast over the other, etc.

And Mama, if you need to set your baby in a safe space for a few minutes and take a break, it’s ok! It can weigh heavily when you’ve been dealing with an inconsolable baby for hours. It’s ok to take a break as long as baby is safe. Sometimes it is safer for baby to be away from you for a few minutes. It’s ok! Ask for help if you need it! I promise other Mama’s will understand (if they’re honest). If it’s becoming too much, reach out for help from a trusted friend or family member to give you a break during the hardest times of the day.

7. Lean on Your Support System

We all need a break. This does not mean you are a bad mom, incompetent, or unable to do this baby thing! Throughout history women have thrived in the village scenario where everyone just helped one another.

In the U.S. our culture is quite opposite. We feel it is a weakness to ask. Or because the miles separate us some women find that they just do not have a support system in place.

If that is you can I just say- you can find one! There are moms everywhere just like you looking for a friend. I cannot recommend enough finding this support system in a local church that has a family mindset!

If you are not close to such a church or you live in a very small community try reaching out through social media to find other women in your area. Go to local parks and make some friends. You do not have to have a massive support system. Just a few others that you can help and that can help you!

8. Do something you love!

In all this new identity that is being MOM sometimes you can feel completely lost to who you are anymore. It is a role that completely takes you over- in such a good way! However, sometimes we all just need to do something that makes us feel us.

This does not make you selfish to acknowledge the fact that you still have basic needs as a human.

Find that thing (or a couple things) that spark happiness and remind you that there is life outside motherhood and all that it demands. You are still a person. Your world looks a whole lot different but you are still you.

9. Make sure you trust your pediatrician.

I know so many moms who just do not love their pediatrician. They do mot trust them. Many times they have to constantly challenge things or they have an icky feeling. So many moms feel trapped in a bad healthcare situation.

You have options! If your instincts even just feel “off” with your current provider there is always another way. I would rather drive a couple hours (or have no “assigned” pediatric care- hot topic!) than to take my baby to someone I did not trust!

Switching a care provider is easy and they do not even have to know why you left.

10. Trust your instincts.

It has already been stated in this post that God gave you incredible instincts when He made you this baby’s mom! It kind of comes with the package so to speak. (These instincts can be hindered by artificial hormones!)

They can be ignored or undeveloped but rest assured they are there. You have them! Trust your gut.

If you feel off concerning your child’s behavior, their health, maybe their healthcare as mentioned above. Whatever it is, lean into that intuition. Maybe it is wrong but I know so many cases where “better safe than sorry” played out in the area of a mom not trusting her gut.

You know your baby best!

11. Don’t be too hard on yourself!

If you are a first time mom, listen! You have never done this mom thing before. No matter how much experience you have had with kids, how many siblings you had, how many books you read to prep yourself….you have never done this.

We treat ourselves so harshly sometimes. Thoughts like, “I’m so stupid, why didn’t I think to check her diaper when she was crying for an hour?” Or, “Why can’t I seem to get on top of things? Other moms don’t struggle like this.”

All these thoughts and more are a very real part of motherhood. Even if this is your second or third baby these thoughts still swirl in our mind some days. “What if…” , “maybe I should have…” , “I should know this…”

We are all here learning how to be a mom every day. You’re in lifelong training! Treat yourself with grace.

12. This is not your “get it all done season”.

Do you have dishes piled up in your sink right now? How about them laundry baskets of three weeks of laundry that needs to be folded? Are you floors spotless?

Probably not. And that is more than okay!

As mentioned before, this season is short. In America get it all done culture is thriving and I am here for it!! I love being productive. It is one of the most fulfilling feelings to me. Checking off the to-do list, accomplishing tasks- it gets me excited just typing that!

It took me two babies to realize that the newborn season is not my season to get it all done. And at the same time, not getting anything done is not unproductive! What do I mean?

Just because you are not checking things off, have a spotless home, or feel the accomplishment of being productive does not mean that your baby did not need those extra snuggles! That time spent with them was not unproductive because it was going the work of forming an unexplainable bond that the two of you will benefit from for life.

There will be seasons when you need to get back up and get things in order. There are seasons of feeling productive once again. The newborn season is a short time when you can take this pressure off. Just be mama for a little bit!

You’ll never look back and wish you would’ve washed more dishes. You will look back and long for another time to rock your baby.

Anna

13. It goes by fast.

We have mentioned this a few times in this post! We know in the thick of twenty dirty diapers a day, three hour nights of sleep, and the crazy postpartum hormones you probably feel like this is your life for the next fifty years. It’s not.

For better, and for worse, this sweet, crazy season will come to an end.

It became so old hearing this as an expectant mother. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe people, I knew it would. It just got old hearing it. However, now, on this side of things I am beyond grateful that people said it to me…..repeatedly. it made me stop in the sweet moments and savor them, it also made the really hard moments easier. Knowing it was all a passing season. They’re as little as they’ll ever be right now, in this moment. Don’t waste it being complacent. So remember through all the sweet and all the hard, it is passing, and it is passing fast.

14. It will get Easier.

I remember sitting there a few weeks in with my newborn, crying and thinking “How am I ever going to do anything or go anywhere ever again?”. Now we are able to work a bus route, do visitation and work youth camps all with baby in tow. Breastfeeding was hard. Learning my baby was hard (even though it felt natural). Trying to function on literally no sleep was hard. Being Mama to this little family felt so overwhelmingly hard at that moment, and even still does sometimes.

My point is that, yes, it is hard, but it will get easier. There will be a new hard to replace it, (sorry!) but that fresh postpartum season isn’t the normal forever. Breastfeeding won’t hurt forever. I now can cook supper with a baby latched and in the football hold. You will sleep again, eventually. You’ll learn what each of your baby’s cries means and be able to respond without even thinking about it. It will get easier, so just hang on.

15. Embrace the Season.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to just welcome this season with arms wide open. Embrace it for all that it is. It’s hard. It’s sweet. It’s exhausting. It’s emotional! It’s fast. It’s wild. It’s wonderful!

When you embrace the late nights and early mornings, the baby snuggles and baby cries, the changes in your body. When you take in all that this gift of motherhood is doing to you, in you, and for you- you become the best mom you can be! Don’t focus on the negative for to long, just accept it.

You’ve got this mama! You are doing way better than you think you are. God gave made you their mom and He made them your baby for a reason.

This season is a gift! Live it joyfully and you will not regret it.

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How to Prepare for the Postpartum Season and Our Complete List of Essentials

Are you ready to have this baby, mama!? You are so close and maybe you are starting to wonder about this thing called the “fourth trimester”. The hard part is not over after you have the baby! It is just the beginning into the wonderful, beautiful, and hard world of motherhood. Read this post to see how you can be prepared to face the postpartum season like the awesome woman you are!

preparing for the postpartum season

Read this post about Everything You Need to Know About the Postpartum Season

The Three Basic Needs of the Postpartum Mom

The three basic needs of postpartum are not much different than the three basic needs of all humans. You will have many needs as your body is healing but these three will remain the core- food, water, and sleep. You will find that all the other needs revolve around these basic three being met. That is why I highly suggest that you plan now for how you will make sure these needs are a priority throughout your postpartum season.

There are some things that you cannot prepare for before the storm that is postpartum! (I am not trying to paint this season in a negative light because it is truly a wonderful time. However, we are honest here and this season can be as tough as it is amazing!) Each baby is different so if this is your second do not think you have it all figured out! You cannot control or prepare for things like baby’s sleep schedule, feed times, knowing your milk supply will be perfect, or even hormone issues like postpartum depression.

You can either choose to be overwhelmed by all that you cannot control or prepare for what you can control. These three basic needs are completely in control and very reasonable demands. Your body has to have food to function, you need water (especially if you are nursing!), sleep is a necessary part of life.

Here’s what I am saying, if nothing else gets done in the first few months postpartum- prioritize these three things. When baby is napping, sleep! If you have a good support system lean them for your three basic needs. As long as these are covered you will be in optimal position to care for yourself and your baby.

How to Prepare Meals for the Postpartum Season

Again, part of the basic three! Making sure you are ahead of and on top of having food readily available in the postpartum season can be such a game changer! This is especially true once your husband goes back to work or if he has no idea how to even boil water (I lucked out in this department!). Here are a few basic tips for creating a plan to prepare for food in the fourth trimester…

Meal train. Lean on that support system! Chances are that you have a few family members and friends who want to help you. You just need to let them know how. Organizing a meal train allows people to feel helpful and to be a true help to you in the postpartum season. Here’s how to do it…

  • Make a list of people you know would love to help and that can respect boundaries.
  • Make a list of the boundaries. Would it be more helpful for them to leave food at the door to respect your space? Are you a people person and you want all your friends to meet your baby? What time is best for your family? Do you have dietary restrictions? Think of all of these things ahead of time.
  • Create a group text or email- be sure to include your list of boundaries. Make sure to have them respond if they are interested in helping and what day they can help.
  • As people respond start penciling them in on the calendar. If you have not had your bay by the due date request that people bring meals you can freeze until baby is born to eat for later.

If you awkward asking for people to do this on your own try asking a close friend to organize the meal train for you!

Food Prep Party. Maybe you have a lot of friends and want one last chance to get together before you have your baby. Try throwing a meal prep party where all the girls come over and help you pack your freezer with all the postpartum food!

Freezer Meals. I (Tori) personally did freezer meals when I was pregnant with baby number two. My husband was allowed two weeks paid leave- which was SO NICE!! He can stinking cook so the first couple weeks were not a problem. The problem was after that when I was low on sleep, had a very busy one year old, and my wacko hormones had me feeling crazy. That was when the freezer meals literally saved the day! I highly suggest leaning on your support system the first week or two but having home cooked freezer meals or easy foods at the ready.

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Snacks! If you are breastfeeding I cannot say this enough- SNACKS!! Load up now on high protein, delicious snacks to eat throughout the day because you are going to be so hungry! Keep in mind they need to be easy to eat while feeding a baby. Things like yogurt are delicious and nutritious but they require a spoon!

Getting it all done. The truth- you do not have to get it all done. If you are thirty-eight weeks pregnant reading this food prepping you might feel like you are off the ball or that you are too late to the game. You definitely still have time but please do not let this overwhelm you!

Meal prep is such a blessing but don’t get too overwhelmed by it. I was planning to do my freezer meals at 35 weeks but got put on bedrest and wasn’t able to do any of it. The Lord knew and provided weeks of meals from friends and family postpartum.

-Anna

Preparing Your Body for the Postpartum Season

Preparing your body for ultimate postpartum healing is essential! It is also very simple to do. You do not have to do intense workouts every day or stick to some bizarre diet. Follow these simple steps to optimize your body for birth and postpartum….

  • High protein, low carb, lots of veggies. You do not need to follow a rigid diet unless you have a health issue such as obesity, high blood pressure, or gestational diabetes. The main rule of thumb for a healthy pregnancy and postpartum diet is lots and lots of protein and low (not no!) carbs. The balance of a lot of protein and some carbs helps balance the body’s blood sugar levels. This will keep you feeling energized throughout pregnancy and healthy in the postpartum season. Adding a decent amount of green leafy veggies, other vegetables, and fruits will help balance vitamin and iron levels for a healthy pregnancy and optimal healing.
  • Move your body every day during pregnancy. No rigid exercise program is required, just make it your goal to move your body. Maybe it is just walking to the mailbox and back a couple times a day or going to a park to enjoy a nice walk. Maybe you thrive best when you follow a daily exercise routine. The idea is to just keep your body moving- even at the very end.
  • Rest. After you give birth make rest your priority. You may feel like you need to get back in shape right away but adding stress to your body does not help the healing process. Allow yourself several weeks of rest. Then after about six-eight weeks begin slowly doing workouts created for postpartum mothers or just by walking and moving your body a little every day.

Read this post about Why We Chose Natural Birth

Prepare Your Mind

Pregnancy, birth, motherhood- it is all in the mindset! Whether you have a great postpartum season (even with all the difficulties) or a miserable one will largely (not entirely) depend on your mindset going into it. The biggest key to conquering the mind game of the fourth trimester is found in the word “surrender”.

Surrendering to the fact that you are going to be awake throughout the night, that you will be dealing with raging hormones, and that breastfeeding is hard will help you mentally prepare for life postpartum. Again, not trying to paint the room negative but these challenges are real. You will likely have to face them in some ways.

Another key way to prepare your mind now is to not obsess over the hard. Pregnancy can be hard, postpartum can be challenging, motherhood is certainly not a walk in the park! However, when we choose to obsess on all the hard things we are preparing to live in a state of mental and emotional defeat. Practice now on finding the good things about pregnancy and choose to focus on those things.

When you find yourself in the postpartum season focused on the negative try shifting that focus. Remember things like…

  • It is only a season.
  • You will eventually get more than two hours of sleep.
  • She will eventually stop crying.
  • Soon she will be sleeping all on her own.
  • One day he will not want to snuggle with you at two am.
  • Breastfeeding will eventually get easier.

Preparing Your Space

This is a decision I (Tori) made with my second baby. After experiencing the long nights with my first and having a general idea of what was coming I made a decision. I decided that if I was going to be awake 3/4 of the night with a hungry or crying baby I was going to do it in the coziest place ever!

I have zero regrets!

She was due at the very end of November, Thanksgiving time. I decided that part of my nesting to-do had to be decorating for Christmas before she arrived because I knew I would not have interest in doing it after! My husband loves Christmas and had no complaints so at the beginning of December we put up the tree and all the things Christmas!

Three weeks later while awake at three am feeding a hungry baby I was thanking myself big time! I was snuggled up with a nice warm blanket feeding a sweet baby by the light of the Christmas tree watching a ridiculously sappy Hallmark Christmas movie. Can we get any more cozy?

Maybe your due in July, no where close to Christmas time. It is never too early to put up the tree- just kidding! There are definitely other ways to cozy up your space. What makes you feel the most comfortable? Maybe it is a soft blanket that is a certain color, warm lighting, a good snack or drink. Whatever it is prepare your space with the things that make you feel warm inside!

Another tip- prepare your space for functionality. Get things in order for what is going to work best. You might have to rearrange it later but having things in place will help you find a flow in the first weeks postpartum. Put diapers and wipes at a readily available location. Have snacks stored in places you will be feeding near. Have your postpartum essentials set up in the bathroom to streamline the potty process (it’s a whole ordeal!).

Prepare Your Husband

All men are different. Some want to be very involved with baby and others do not feel that desire as strongly. If your husband does not seem as involved as you feel he should be (even during pregnancy) this does not make him a bad dad! Think about it. You have carried this baby inside you for nine months. You have been literally, physically connected to this person. You have felt them move, had to change your habits, experienced the changes in your own body. They have not. It is natural for most men to not be as connected or know how to be involved.

They also are not a mom. They do not get motherly instincts. Motherly emotions do not capture their heart like it does ours. They also have no clue what we are going through in our minds and bodies. I would say that most men have a desire to help, to do something- they just do not know what or how. That is why communication on our part is so essential.

If you want help you are going to have to say it and in detail.

This is true in pregnancy, during birth, and the postpartum season. Mapping out how dad can best help you in these areas now is key to him feeling like a champion of a man and you feeling well loved and supported. Try to think through what might be difficult for you postpartum. Things like staying hydrated, resting well, having a clean space. All of these are things he can help (and would probably love to help with!).

Also try to prepare him for what you will be going through physically. This will help him better understand the hormone surges and the reason you need to rest for the next several weeks. When they know what is happening it takes away the unknown and the uncertainty of the situation. It puts them in the place of control so they can better accomplish the role of support.

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Does your coffee support your values? Seven Weeks coffee is saving lives by donating 10% of every purchase to pro-life causes that give women access to ultrasounds, prenatal care, and mental health support- ultimately saving lives of precious babies! Not only does it support pro-life values, but the coffee is tastes amazing, is direct trade from trusted farmers, and is mold/toxin free. If you are looking for an active way to support the right to life try out Seven Weeks! Use my link below and the code TORI10 at checkout to save 10% on your first order.

Click Here to Shop!

Preparing Your Other Children

If you have other littles or even older children it can be overwhelming adding a baby to the family. You may have concerns about how they will get along, how you will find time for the other children, or things like jealousy. First of all, try not to get overwhelmed with these thoughts! Children are very adaptable, way more than we think!

If you have littles prepare by letting them play with a baby doll. Teach them how to properly hold them. Teach them that eyes are not things we poke! Another great idea is to buy them some new toys or things to keep them busy. Buying a busy book or blocks that they only get to play with while you are nursing can help keep them occupied.

Older kids do best when they get to help. Allow them to help with tasks like giving the baby a bottle, changing a diaper, bringing you water, etc. Prepare them by talking about some of the challenges of having a newborn in the house. Ask them what they are most excited about.

Read Anna’s All-Natural Hospital Birth Story Here!

Postpartum Essentials

Well if you made it through that whole list of how to prepare- congratulations! Remember, you cannot prepare for everything but preparing for what is within your control is so helpful. A great way to prepare is to make sure you have everything for the best postpartum experience before baby arrives. Here is our list of postpartum essentials we could not live without!

  • Ice maxi pads. Purchase these or prepare your own at home to keep things feeling good down there!
  • Silverettes. I (Anna) used the Koala Babycare brand because they were cheaper. I never struggled with cracked nipples. Put a little breastmilk in them, place them in your bra, and go. Worth. Every. Penny.
  • Peri Bottle. Most hospitals will give you one of these. They help to keep everything clean without having to wipe tender areas.
  • Tucks pads. These are mad with witch hazel and they help to cool things and relieve itching while things are healing up. Don’t skimp on the name brand! The off brands tend to be too dry.
  • Adult diapers. JUST DO IT!
  • Mattress cover. These are great for keeping birth and afterbirth fluids off your mattress!
  • Nipple cream.
  • Cozy lounge clothes and pajamas.
  • Things for a cozy space (talked about in Preparing Your Space)
  • A good show or podcast to keep you company in the late night/early morning hours.
  • Large water bottle. Invest in a pretty one, you will be looking at it a lot!
  • Earthley Milk Flowin’ salve for clogged ducts. Worked out a clog in less than 10 minutes and saved me a trip to the doctor for mastitis!
  • Favorite high protein snacks

We hope this post has helped you in knowing what you need to do to prepare for the postpartum season! It is truly a great time filled with baby snuggles, sweet laughter and tears, and forming a beautiful bond with your baby. We wish you the best mama!

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7 Things You Need to Know About the Postpartum Season

Postpartum- the fourth trimester. So many wonderful things about this season! You’re holding your sweet baby. Your body feels the relief of not having a human growing inside it.

It can also be a wild season. Hormones are getting back to normal. Sleep is a precious commodity. Your body looks different.

Likely your doctor or midwife has left you with some basic health and safety instructions before releasing you into the world of motherhood. Things to look for like too much bleeding, bleeding too long, postpartum depression, etc. However, most do not truly sit down and prepare you for this season.

It’s called the “fourth trimester” because so much is still actively changing in your mind and body that you might as well still be pregnant.

We’re here to discuss the things that we wish we would have known and things that helped us going into the postpartum season. We hope this post helps you as you prepare for your little one to arrive!

Click here to Read: How to Advocate for Yourself in a Hospital Birth

1. Everyone has a Unique Postpartum Experience

Among the mom community you will find so many differing experiences and opinions. Sometimes these opinions can be downright frightening! Some shared experience is helpful, but you must distinguish that it is just that- their experience.

The experience of others might not be your own. Your baby may be a great sleeper, and they may not be. Your hormones may regulate quickly or they might take a while to straighten out. Some of you have bodies that loose weight while breastfeeding- then there’s the rest of us!

Postpartum can be hard in so many ways, but not everyone’s “hard” is the same. Just because someone you know struggled with breastfeeding, it doesn’t mean you will. If your friend had postpartum depression it doesn’t mean you will. Postpartum can definitely be a rollercoaster, but don’t become so consumed with everyone else’s “hard” that you adopt it as your own.

Postpartum can be filled with some of the hardest moments of your life, but it’s also going to be filled with some of the most wonderful moments of your life. You know how to be tired, you know how to feel sad, you’ve cried before. But you know what you haven’t done before? Hold your baby and watch them drift to sleep in your arms. You’ve never smelt that newborn smell as they cuddle up against your face. You’ve never felt the joy of seeing those little eyes stare up at you in adoration.

2. Every Postpartum is Different

This follows closely with the point above. Every postpartum you have will be different and unique. The difference between my first postpartum and second were vastly different.

Just because you have a great experience with one does not mean the next will be as seamless. The same is true about the opposite! Just because you had a harder time with one does not mean the next will be as complicated.

Another thing I feel is vital to mention- preparation does not mean it will be easy.

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With my second I felt so prepared! I knew what was going on this time. I knew what the “hard” was. This time I was going to be prepared!!

It was around my fifth month postpartum that I realized there are some things you just can’t prepare for. Hormones are out of your control. Every baby is different.

Now I am not saying that knowing what to expect and being prepared for the things in my control was not a huge help! However, just embrace the fact that some things are being control. They are normal, beautiful parts of becoming a mama.

3. Take Time to Heal

Taking time to heal postpartum is so important! Bounce back culture has made us feel like we are broken if we need more time to heal. Listen to your body!!

Click here to read: My All-Natural Positive Birth Story

It does not matter if Aunt Janna was up moving around, making biscuits three hours after she had a baby. In Christian culture it’s a major flex for who can get back to church the soonest after giving birth! If I had a dollar for every time I heard, “We were in church Sunday the same week she was born!” I’d be a rich woman.

You have a wound inside your body the size of a dinner plate. If someone had a wound on the outside of their body like that, I don’t believe we would expect nearly as much of them as we are expecting of ourselves. Your ability to care properly for your baby and future babies depends upon you giving your body the time it needs to recover. The general rule is five days in the bed, five days on the bed, and five days around the bed. That doesn’t mean you return to normal after those two weeks, either. Give yourself time, and if you have help, use it.

We all have different capacity. Some of us heal faster than others. A lot of women can do long term damage to their bodies by not allowing things to heal properly before getting back to it. Just because your body is not telling you does not mean you will not reap the consequences later. Rest mama! Ease back into routines. Nothing means more to your family that that you are healthy.

4. You Need a Support System

Having a support system in place is essential to the postpartum season. I think most of us have a support system but we do not like to utilize it. We feel like a burden, an inconvenience, or that we are weak if we cannot handle it all on our own.

But sometimes we are weak. Sometimes we can’t handle it all on our own. Sometimes we need to just let people love on us!

Here are some tips on how to utilize your support system in the postpartum season….

Ask.

Sometimes it’s as simple as just telling people what you need! Think ahead to the things that will be hard for you. Things you have a hard time keeping up with now will not get easier in the postpartum season.

Ask specifically.

This is key! Especially when it comes to your husband. Don’t just ask for help. No one Can read your mind. No one knows better than you how to help you best!

If you are receiving support but constantly feel like you have no help you may not be asking the right way.

To some moms help looks like holding the baby while she gets it all done! (Rage Cleaning!!)

To others it looks like someone helping with the laundry and dishes while she nurses and holds the baby.

Meals

Nothing is more supportive to me than not having to worry about food. Ask a friend you trust to organize a meal train for you! P.s.- you are allowed to make rules like bring food but don’t touch the baby, or asking people to leave it on your doorstep so they don’t disturb you!

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Childcare

Having other children to care for in the postpartum season can be exhausting. Ask for help watching the other(s) for while so you can take a nap, have quiet time, or clean.

Support for Dads

Dads are the best! They are the main support system for the postpartum season but they get tired too! It’s a big adjustment all the way around. Having support for him by way of an outlet (hunting, golf, etc.) is a great way to allow him to release some stress.

When your support system is limited…

Right after giving birth to my second baby we became sick for weeks on end. Every week sometime came down with sickness…same sickness, different sickness, recurring sickness. It was wild!

So for months (literal months!) I was stuck at home postpartum with two under two, afraid to ask for help for fear of others catching our sickness or us catching something else! My husband was back to work and had multiple things on his plate so I felt limited in help from him.

I say all that for this reason- maybe some of you have a very limited support system. Military families, divorced or widowed, living far away from family and friends, missionary families, or just not having support you can count on. Or things you have no control over like sickness!

My first bit of advice would be to make sure you have virtual support lined up. In today’s world we really always have access to support! Tell far away friends and family that you will need extra calls /texts during this time. Reach out when you just need to vent!

If friends and family live far away I highly recommend you start building a support system around your community! This can sound scary if you are an introvert like me. However, it is critical.

Church is a great place to start! I can’t imagine what I would do without the support of my church family! Find mom groups in your community, or even start one! Whatever you have to do, get some friends in your corner and you be in theirs.

Lastly, do not obsess about the fact that your support system is limited. This is where I failed. It got in my head! I was obsessing over the hardship and the loneliness. Instead focus on the help you do have, take advantage of nap time, let this season shape you for the better.

Click here to read: Pain Management Tips for a Natural Birth Experience

5. Learn the Danger Signs of the Postpartum Depression

Your medical professional should go over this with you. However, I think it is important to note what you should be aware of…

Blues vs Depression

Feeling sad, frustrated, or angry at times are all normal parts of postpartum. This is often referred to as “postpartum blues”. Along with crazy emotions you may cry a lot, feel kind of fuzzy in your brain, and just out of it. This is because your hormones are shifting back to “non-pregnant” mode.

Blues can last a couple of days to a couple of weeks. They can occur off and on. However, they should steadily start to fade off/occur less in the six to eight weeks after birth.

Postpartum depression is opposite. It steadily gets worse as postpartum continues. It can also occur at any time within the first year of postpartum. Meaning, you might feel fine the first six months of the postpartum season and things just seem to hit you out of the blue for no reason.

When you should seek help.

You should talk to your doctor or midwife if things are not getting any better after you have experienced symptoms of depression for several weeks. Or immediately if you have continued thoughts of harming yourself or your baby. Symptoms of depression include anxiety, difficulty sleeping, appetite changes, racing thoughts, thoughts of self harm, and many more you can find on Google.

6. Your Life is About to Change

You know this. But you don’t know this! You are likely aware that adding a tiny human to your world is going to change a lot of things in your life. No one can prepare you for what extent your life is about to change!

We definitely do not have all the answers for each individual mama who is reading this post. (We wish we did!!). However we thought we would give you some things we wished we would have known about how certain aspects were going to change us…

Your body is going to change.

I think we all know this. Maybe not to the extent we do after we have that baby! So here’s the honest truth mama, you are going to look in the mirror and, more than likely, you are not going to feel comfortable in your own skin.

That is normal and that is okay.

You have just made a human, maybe multiple humans! And unless you have hit the genetic jackpot you probably do not look like you did before you gave birth. It’s okay to feel sad about this while happily holding the person who did this to you! (It’s even okay to cry about it.)

You are going to be just fine. You will find clothes that fit you. There are workouts! Embrace your amazing body that just worked so hard to make this sweet little baby.

Your marriage is going to change.

You are no longer just “man and wife”. Learning how to be husband and wife while becoming dad and mom can be a hard thing to navigate. Here are a few things to remember.

  • You are both new at this. If this is your first baby, neither of you knows how to be a mom or dad. You are both learning.
  • Score keeping is a trap. “I changed three diapers today, he only changed one!” Sounds petty? Not when you’re a as n exhausted postpartum mom! Your mind will get the better of you if you allow it to start keeping score.
  • Make time. Your marriage is going to be okay- if you make time to keep it alive. You have to prioritize one another. This can be so hard as a new mom! But you can do this.
  • Communicate. He is not a mind reader. Unfortunately! Chances are you are married to a great man who wants to help you. You just have to tell him how.

You are going to change.

Apart from your body changing- you are going to change. You might feel broken for a while (maybe not!) but you’re turning into a mom! It’s a beautiful transformation where selfishness is not an option.

I remember after back to back pregnancies waking up postpartum to have no clue who I even was any more. I for sure was not who I was a year ago! For a while this felt so overwhelming. Like I was in a desperate search to find myself and get me back. Until one day I realized that I was not who I was a year ago, and I never would be. That girl was not a mama.

So yes, you will be different. Your life will change. But you are becoming exactly who you need to be for the people who need you. That is a beautiful transformation!

Click here to read: 5 Reasons to Consider Natural Birth

7. It’s Just a Season

I wish that someone would’ve told me that postpartum comes in waves. The biggest wave is the immediate postpartum time. But there are several other waves to ride. For a lot of moms, it comes at the three, six, nine month marks and also one year. So far, I would say that has been true for me, with the exception of the nine month wave coming at seven to eight months.

When riding that first immediate postpartum wave, one of my biggest struggles was the constant feeling that someone was going to take my baby away from me. I could be sitting in my home, and my mind would play scenes of someone bursting through my door and snatching my baby from my arms while I was helpless to stop them. At the store, I would be watching for someone to try to take his carseat and run. It was intense, but it was a season. The intensity of those feelings did not last forever. To be honest, there are times I still struggle with those feelings, but they are in much more manageable waves now, though.

At the six month mark, I experienced severe nightmares. I would dream of finding my baby lifeless in different places. It was one of the hardest waves for me. Once again, it’s a season. A very short season.

At the seven to eight month mark I started dealing with feeling extremely angry. Not at my child or husband. Just angry for no reason. No cause, just on the inside, I felt absolute rage. It was completely controllable, I never acted on it. It was just a constant battle to keep it under control. It was definitely my shortest season, though.

Let me add in, postpartum is not a free pass to act on every urge and impulse because you’re hormonal. We still are responsible for ourselves and our actions. (This is, of course, excluding severe postpartum cases that come with a medical diagnosis.)

Yes, all of this sounds like a lot, but we just want to be honest with what we’ve dealt with, so if you’re facing it too, you know it’s normal and you’re not alone. Please remember that in between these hard moments we’re sharing about are some of the most wonderful times of your life. You’re snuggling your newborn, growing and learning together. It’s a beautiful time, even with all of the hard. We share in honesty not to make you dread it, but so you’ll know you’re right on track. Not every postpartum season will be the same. Some are more severe than others, and some don’t struggle at all (so jealous). There have been hard moments, but they have nothing to compare to the joy this season of life has brought.

Mama, for better or for worse, postpartum is just a season. The bad things will soon fade away. And so will the sweet things. Embrace it, live it, feel it. It will pass as quickly as it came. Lean on your support, let yourself change, and know that you were made for this!

-Tori
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