How to Advocate for Yourself in a Hospital Birth

Written by Anna Bourdess

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1. Be Informed.

I know that Tori and I have said this many times, but I truly believe this has played a significant role in each of our birth experiences. I feel this is one of the biggest parts of mothering these days. We can not just trust what is said to us. We must educate ourselves so that we can make informed decisions that we can be confident in.

Look into your hospital’s policies. Things such as how long they are comfortable with you laboring before interventions will be suggested, what interventions they might suggest, risks and benefits of each, what vaccines will be administered to your baby at birth, and so many more. Know what choices you’ll be presented with so you already know how to answer them.

Whatever decisions you make, know why you made them. It’s not about what your best friend did, what is popular, or going along with it because they are the “experts.” Do your research and be confident in your choices, whatever they may be. You can’t advocate for yourself if you don’t even know what you want.

2. Have an Informed Birth Partner

As you’re doing your research, involve your birth partner. Make sure they know why you feel the way you do about your choices so that they can best support you. They’ll be able to advocate for you as much as possible in your stead while you focus on delivering your baby.

Researching can also be overwhelming, especially with all those pregnancy hormones. Having your birth partner do it with you can help keep you grounded and give you someone to talk through things with to help you figure out what is best for you and baby.

3. Have a Plan

A written birth plan is not a necessity. However, it is extremely helpful when trying to go unmedicated. Having a birth plan helps everyone around you know how you want to be supported during your labor. Any decent nurse wants to give the best experience possible to their patients. A birth plan helps them accomplish that.

An added plus is if you have trouble speaking up for yourself, you can just hand them your birth plan, and they’ll know your wishes without you trying to explain them. It can state things like you wish to not be asked about pain medications, you want to change positions often, and desire to be interrupted as little as possible. Also, it can state your wishes for shots administered after birth, skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, and so on.

While in labor, you really are not going to want to be asked a lot of questions and probably won’t have the mental capacity to make multiple decisions anyway. Even if you don’t give your birth plan to anyone, it is very beneficial in gathering your thoughts for yourself so you are settled in your desires and are prepared to make decisions. It’s pretty easy to find a template online for a birth plan if you don’t know where to start.

Your plan needs to be flexible. I don’t mean you need to give your mind the easy way out. I mean, birth is unpredictable, and things can change fast. Don’t be so set on your plan that you would risk yours or baby’s safety. I suggest having three birth plans. One for an unmedicated birth, one for a medicated birth (sometimes medical interventions are needed), and one for a Cesarean birth in case you need one in an emergency. Even in the case of interventions, you still have the right to decide many things about your birth. Know what your hospital will allow in each scenario. Also know the difference in their preferences and actual policys. Even then policys aren’t laws.

4. Be Kind

It is very possible to advocate for yourself and still be kind. Even if you have to be stern, there is no excuse to be rude. I have found that most medical professionals really do want the best for you. Not all, but most. They’re just working off of the information they’ve been given. That is that the best in care includes epidurals, pain management, vaccinations, and so on. When someone comes in requesting different, most of them simply do not understand. Add in that natural living is trendy right now, and the many varieties of the public they get to function with daily, and it’s understandable to receive some hesitation.

Now, of course, it is not required of you to explain yourself. No means no, and that is good enough, especially during labor. But, if given the opportunity, why not educate so that others may look into things for themselves instead of just doing what is standard practice? Is that not how you began questioning things?

After my son, Jackson, was born, we had chosen to refuse many standard practices after birth. I had several nurses very kindly ask if I was sure many times. Instead of getting upset, I took the time to explain that we had looked at all the research and data (named our sources), and that is why we feel this is what’s best for our baby. They listened kindly, and they never asked us the certainty of our choices again. They were willing to listen because I had never spoken harshly to them or been disrespectful. Communicate without rudeness. Most just want to hear that you’ve made a decision based on facts, not trends. Educate, inform, and be kind.

5. Trust Your Intuition

I’m not talking about just following feelings or flesh. I passionately believe in a mother’s intuition. I believe it is God-given to help guide us in taking care of our babies. After all, how did women take care of their babies before we had all of these “experts” to tell us how to do it?

Nobody knows your baby like you do, Mama. It will amaze you when your baby arrives and as you grow together, how you will just know what they need. Sometimes you won’t even know why you know, you just do. Trust it. If you have someone trying to push you into something for your baby, but you just don’t have peace about it, trust that intuition. It is vital to your mothering. Never let anyone push or convince you into something you’re uncomfortable with. This applies in birth just as much as in the rest of your motherhood journey.

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