I have been extremely blessed to know some amazing mamas! I love how God gives each one a unique set of skills to love their children and raise them in a way that brings the most glory to Him. You could say He tailor made each mother for the children He would bless her with.
No matter what “kind” of mom you are, I hope you are allowing the Lord to work through you to raise the special little people He’s given you. There is no right way to mother when comparing ourselves, only when we go to God and His Word will we find the answers. I hope, as I am sure you do, that I am letting him make me the mama He wants me to be.
Below is a list of qualities I have seen in some mamas that stick out in my mind. They are not perfect, none of us are, yet you can see certain attributes God has instilled in them over the years that make them shine in specific areas. What He has done for others He can do for you and me as we submit ourselves to Him in this journey called motherhood!
20 Things I’ve Learned from the Best Moms I Know
1. Cherish EVERY moment.
We hear this often from those seasoned mothers who know it to be so true. These days, months, years- they are fast! The hard season you are in that seems to last an eternity will be so quickly gone when you look back over life- and the same with the good seasons. Time is no respecter and we do not get any seconds back. So cherish those moments, good and bad. They don’t last!
2. The dishes can wait.
A few specific mamas come to mind that highly value cleanliness in their homes yet always value their children more. They will stop in their tracks to be a listening ear. They are more concerned with the hearts of the home than everything on the outside looking perfect. In them we learn the lesson that yes, cleaning is important, but so are the needs of those precious children. Don’t waste opportunities to connect with your children.
3. Create a safe place in you.
I watched a mother once with a young adult son who was in that season of life where he was looking for a wife. Things were not going very well and he was pretty discouraged. I watched as that son snuggled up beside his mama on the couch (who could have been doing plenty of other things, but she made herself available) and begin to pour out his heart to her listening ear. I always thought it was a sweet moment but now that I’m older I realize just how rare it is for teen/adult children to still find that safe place in their mom.
Of course, as this mama did, it is always our duty to point them back to the Lord. However, are we creating an environment within ourselves that our children find peaceful and safe? Do we listen? Are we trustable?
4. Be patient.
A mother of a middle age son with Down syndrome comes to my mind. He is the sweetest, most lovable little guy! Yet when I think of being a patient mother I think of his mama. For what reason we will not know here the Lord has allowed this woman the very difficult task of raising a child who will never grow up mentally.
When we are going through those toddler years of intense training, or dealing with the challenging teen years we can at least say, “It’s only a season.” This sweet mama is forever stuck in her season. Still, she is so patient! I have never heard an unkind word about or to her precious boy. Surely God’s grace is to be credited but how many times do we, as mothers of “normal” children, snap and loose our tempers? Have patience mama.
5. Walk with God while you work.
Another mama comes to mind who is always filling her time homemaking with spiritual things. Sometimes it is listening to music, sometimes filling her own home with her beautiful song, listing to preaching or the Bible being read aloud, other times she will be washing the dishes and you just know she’s lifting someone in prayer as she does it. I have learned from her that yes, quiet time with children will probably never look quite like it did before but it does not mean we cannot have sweet fellowship while we work!
6. Having a servant’s heart is a must.
Another very special lady comes to mind when I think about being a servant to those in and outside of your home. It seems she is never complaining, seeking only to fill the needs of others. To be completely transparent- I struggle with this. I do not mind serving, as long as I get some me-time as well. The self-care craze of our day has just about ruined good mamas. I am in no way saying we should totally neglect our physical, spiritual, and emotional needs but where are the servants? Those who do not have to be pampered themselves to serve others. Being a mom gives us the opportunity to become more like Christ in the area of servitude. Are we taking the opportunity or wasting on things that do not matter?
7. Laugh often.
As with many of these lessons, I have to say that I learned this one from my mama! Without going into all the details things were not easy for this mom in ministry. Yet I always remember being shielded from things going on in the church by a mom who loved to laugh and have a good time! Just a word of advice for the pastor’s wife mamas- if you want your children to be one of the many with a bitter spirit, and sour attitude towards God and His people then walk around the house hurt and moping every time you or your husband gets hurt.
Ministry wife or not, WE make the choice to discourage our home or fill it with an attitude of happiness. Our mood so often controls the home. Why not make it a place filled with laughter in hard times and easy?
8. Make the most of what you have and don’t complain about what you don’t.
So many sweet, contented moms I have had the privilege to be around! One in particular stands out in my mind who was not concerned with having things to make her happy. This elderly mom of seven sweetly said to me, “I told the Lord and my husband that I didn’t care if we had a stitch of furniture, I wanted as many babies as the Lord wanted me to have!”
During a time when birth control was on the rise and large families were looked down upon in society as a nuisance, this woman found such peace and joy in surrendering her body to the Lord. She will tell you today she has never regretted it!
I am not here to argue with anyone about my opinion on birth control, family planning, and the like (you probably would not agree and that is okay!). However, I do think we can find a lesson in the life of this dear lady that things do not matter- our children do! If we cannot be content with what we have who is to say God should let us keep anything at all? I hope I am learning this priceless lesson!
9. Don’t expect too much but don’t expect too little.
Especially as moms of littles this is a great lesson to grasp! When you are trying to train that toddler to sit in church, or that baby not to touch the outlet, remember who they are. Remember how old they are. Remember they are learning. We loose our patience and fly off the handle when we are setting the bar of expectations too high.
At the same time, don’t set it too low! Babies can be trained. Toddlers can be taught to sit in the service, quietly. Children can behave in a kind and respectful manner. This takes knowing your children and lots of wisdom that you as their mother can have through God’s help!
10. Be their biggest encourager.
No one should cheer louder than mama! Not just out on the football field, but every day. I have watched the best moms always encourage their children. They do not stomp on their four year old’s wild dreams, no matter how crazy (keeping their safety and discipline in mind). They do not allow the words “I can’t” in their child’s vocabulary. When that teen has had a rough day they are the first to remind them that they are special and full of worth!
11. Learn your child.
If we have heard it once we have heard it a thousand times, each one is so different! When no two are alike it can be hard to learn what works for one and what works for others. However it is so important that you learn your children. Learn what their strengths are, what their weaknesses are, their likes and dislikes, learn how they learn. It is hard not to give someone your heart when they know you by heart.
12. Always listen first. Never assume you know where they are just because you’re mom.
Isn’t it funny how quickly our biggest assets can become our biggest obstacles? That mom instinct! It is a powerful thing, a wonderful tool, and it can be wrong. I have seen this play out in the lives to two mothers who handled situations with their teenage boys very opposite. One always jumped to conclusions because…well- she was mom! She just KNEW what he was doing. Through the years of this constant assuming, never listening the boy became angry and their relationship was strained.
The other mother made it a priority to always seek information before jumping to what she knew could be faulty conclusions. Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn’t. She knew she must gather all the information before knowing the truth. And she was patient enough to do it! The boy, though often wrong, grew to love and respect his mother more.
We are not all knowing. Mom instinct is wonderful but it can fail.
13. Pray!
I think one thing all the best moms have in common is they realize they need help from the Lord to be the mother they need to be. They rely on Him for wisdom in every decision, help for their problems and their children, and all the tiny details of the day. Knowing where our strength comes from and trusting in Him causes us to cease from all the fear of what we cannot do for our children and rest in what He can.
14. Make the house of God your priority.
Another couple mom’s come to mind who learned early in their mothering years that the best place for their children was the house of God. They determined to be there, even if it meant just sitting in a nursery or wrestling toddlers all through the service. That is truly where our families receive help! We lead by example. What we prioritize will set the direction for what our children value as important.
15. Be watchful.
As mothers part of our responsibility is to watch for possible dangers. The best mothers watch who is having influence with their children. Who are their friends (children and adults alike)? Who do they gravitate to and what kind of attitudes are rubbing off? Do they have direct access to technology and the dangers of the internet? We live in a world where it is so easy to get sucked into our own tasks or even entertainment but we must be watchful!
16. Always treat their father with the same respect you want in return from your children.
I can remember serval times my mom apologizing to us children for not treating my dad right. She would often follow it by acknowledging the fact that we had been having bad attitudes with her because her attitude toward dad’s authority was not one of submission. Our example of obedience and a good attitude will often be reflected in our children’s behavior to us. If we are not where we should be in submission to our husband, and ultimately the Lord, why should we expect anything more from our children?
17. Know your boundaries.
I have watched many good mamas of married children have to go through the season of changing roles. Some come through it wonderfully, not overstepping boundaries and just falling right into their new place in their child’s life. Others struggle, commenting where they have no place, constantly calling, worrying, fussing. As much as you will always be the mother of your child there is a time when this relationship looks different than ever before. For the sake of a good relationship with your children you must learn to take a few steps back. They will do just fine, after all, you taught them everything they know!
18. Build a friendship.
Along with setting boundaries, it is very important as the seasons change to build a friendship with your children! All the best and lasting mother/child relationships thrive through a well developed understanding and bond like no other friendship. Imagine being best friends with someone you had part in making! They know you inside and out (literally!). Often with adult children this falls on the mother to pursue, while still recognizing boundaries of course. As hard as that transition phase from childhood to adulthood and the giving up of your role what a blessing the transition to friend!
19. Always point them to Christ. Not your opinions.
One mother in particular stands out in my mind when I think about this. As mothers it is so easy to quickly give our opinion on matters instead of pointing our children to Christ and their relationship with Him. I am not saying we need to preach sermons or never offer advice but that we should learn to always direct our children back to the Lord, not just our opinion of what they should do or the decisions they should make.
20. Trust the Lord.
When all is said and done, you have done the best you knew how. Maybe things do not turn out exactly how you had hoped. Your child is away from the Lord. They have no respect for your choice to live for Christ even though you raised them in a godly home, made church the priority, taught them all the verses. When we have done all we can I am so glad we can trust the Lord with the hearts of our children. As a young mother it can become a very scary thing to think about our children turning eighteen and throwing it all away. Even now, we can trust Him! He made our precious children with a purpose. As long as they are breathing there is hope.
We have this promise, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. They may seem like they have escaped it but I firmly believe the truth of this verse is that they will never be able to get away from the Truth we have instilled.
My heart goes out to you if you are a mama in this situation. I have no idea how that must feel, and I pray I never have to. Can I just remind you that you can trust the Lord with that wayward child? Young mamas, we can trust the Lord! This world is wicked, seeking to devour everything that we try to train into our children but we have such a mighty God who is able to keep them. We need not spend our time worrying and fearful of what may happen to our children. We can rest in the power of a God who always keeps His promises and is completely, infinitely trustable.
