How to Enjoy Motherhood in the Little Years

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Hi littles mama! We see you- running around trying to keep all these little people alive. You’re doing a fantastic job by the way! Ever feel like you’re just trying to survive another day of motherhood? That if you can just make it to bedtime you might stay sane another day? We’ve definitely been there!

We are Tori and Anna. Moms of little people just like you! Currently between us we have three children- just turned two, about to turn one, and a ten month old. We definitely feel the crazy!

Just like you, we long to enjoy these days, not just become survivors of motherhood. These days are short, precious, and let’s be honest- sometimes they are hard. We long to make the most out of them and truly say on the other side of this season- “Wow! Those were good days!”

We are not pros. We definitely are still learning this thing of mothering little people. But we truly love it- and so can you! We’ve compiled a list of very practical, everyday scenarios and pain points that may help you navigate this season of little…

Leaving the House with Littles

This can be a major pain point as a new mom with a little, or two! Each new child you add changes the dynamic of getting out the door, in the car, then to and through the destination. We all know those moms who always get a sitter for grocery shopping or errand running. And hey- if that’s you, I don’t blame you a bit!

However some of us who do not live close to family or find getting out of the house for a bit a refreshment have to figure out how to do it with these little people.

I will say at first I found this complicated and somewhat frustrating. Even with just one baby it seemed impossible to get out the door smoothly and run an errand without interruption. Then about the time I (Tori) got it figured out with my first baby a second one came along and it was time to learn all over again!

Here are a few things we learned about leaving the house with littles absolutely dread free…

• Plan plan plan, but be okay with your plan not working! Where are you going? How long do you expect to be gone? Will the baby/toddler need to eat within that time frame? What can you bring along to keep them busy? Thinking through all these things will help you plan your outing. Think through things like when your baby will need to eat. Add a bit of time for a nursing stop if you are breastfeeding. Then be okay if your plan has to change. Motherhood is constantly pivoting!
• Homemade bottle warmer. We all have a thermal cup somewhere (or ten!). Boil water and place it in a thermos with a lid. This will serve as a bottle warning station that will allow you to quickly heat up a bottle any time you are out. You can even hear it up while you are driving and have a bottle ready to go when you reach your destination.
• Know it’s going to take twice as long and just go with the flow. Keep your expectations low. Do not think you can cram all the things into one day. Look at your list of errands. See what absolutely must be done. Do those things first and if things are going well continue through your list until everyone is done.
• Practice! It gets better. The more you go out with a baby, the better you’ll be at it. It’s hard, it’s really hard at first actually, but you’ll get better and soon it’ll be second nature. I (Anna) remember being terrified the first time I took my baby to the doctor without my husband. But now, baby is just my little errand buddy.
• Train your toddler for parking lot safety. This was a terrifying thought for me (Tori) when it came to leaving with two under two. In fact I didn’t go in any stores for a few months. The logistics of getting two babies out of the car and into a cart safely was a bit stressful. I began by training my toddler when we got in/out of the car to hold the back tire beside me and to not move while I buckled her sister in. Now she instantly, without even being told (although I still remind her plenty!), will place both hands on the tire and wait until I get sister out and grab her hand.

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Enjoying God with Littles

God has a special way of meeting women and mothers where they are if they’ll make the effort to draw near to Him first. As mothers, we rarely get the opportunity to go spend five hours in the woods communing with God. Especially when you’re in the season of having littles. He understands this and will still meet with you while babies crawl around at your feet, and toddlers are smearing snot across the window. Make the effort, and He will honor it.

If you are already communing with The Lord, you’ll be grateful for what you catch at the back door bouncing a baby or in the nursery listening to babies screams overpower the speaker for the service.

Just do. With them, without them. Quiet, not quiet. If you’re waiting on the perfect circumstances you’ll rarely have time with God!

-Tori

Enjoying Church with Littles

A big part of enjoying church with littles will revolve around your daily walk with The Lord. If you treat church as your lifeline thrown to you while you’re drowning, you’ll die spiritually every time you have to step out of service with a baby. You’ll feel empty if you require filling in every service just to survive until the next. If you’ve been walking with God throughout your week, church will feel like a bonus to your spiritual life, not the only thing keeping you afloat. I’m not trying to discount the importance of being at and in church. What I mean is this, if you as a mother have no daily walk with The Lord and treat church like your spiritual lifeline thrown to you before you drown in your week, then you’ll grow cold and die when you miss a service taking your baby out. It has never and will never be the churches job to keep your closeness with God alive.

If you don’t want to live in the nursery, don’t start in the nursery!! If your baby learns that all they have to do is fuss a little, and they’ll get to go play in the nursery, then they’re going to fuss every service. If you were a child, would you rather sit still and be quiet or go play with toys? Babies will need to be taken out. We understand that, but don’t reward a behavior you don’t want to encourage. If I (Anna) have to take my baby out (and I do often), I address the issue (diaper, feeding, etc), and then we go right back in service. I stay in the back to be as little of a disturbance as possible, but we’re still in service. I also don’t let them down most of the time. I don’t want my babies to think they can whine a little and get out of sitting through church. Adopt this mindset when they’re babies, and you won’t have to retrain toddlers. Now, there are exceptions I make at times if I know they’ve had a particularly hard day stuck in the carseat, traveling, and such. Know your child’s limit.

*I (Tori) can 100% stand by this statement and method of child training. It is hard, hard work in the beginning. However, now as a mom of a two year old I can already testify to the benefits of early, immediate church training. She certainly still has her days but our toddler can now sit through a two hour church service generally still and quiet for her age.

We realize that adopting this mindset is hard. Most of the child training years you will not be getting a whole lot out of the service as you try to train your baby to stay quiet, be still, and do so with a good attitude. However, it will be so worth it on the other end! Keep the end goal in mind. Don’t focus on the “failures” of yesterday’s church service. Just keep training. Keep working and soon you will look back to see the benefits of your efforts!

Bonus Tip:
For the last several years as I have tried to keep my babies in church, I have made my goal “one thing”. If I can just get “one thing” out of the service, one phrase of the message, one verse that was read, one testimony that encourages me- often I can take that one thing into my week and God will use it to feed my soul as I dwell and meditate on that “one thing”. Of course I often get more than one thing as I am faithful to God’s House but even in the rough services of child training and children acting up He is always faithful to give me “one thing” as I am faithful to listen.

-Tori

Enjoying Who the Are

Learning their little quirks and personality traits can be so fun. Some of them can also be annoying. Learning the difference between what is just them and what is unacceptable behavior can be tricky. When it’s who they are just embrace it. Try to shape them without braking who God made them, even if some of who they are is conflicting with your personality!

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For example, one of my (Tori) children is a hardcore extrovert (much like her dad!). I am most definitely not. Even as a baby this girl would attract so much attention and she absolutely loved it while I stood in horror at the fact that I had to talk to all these random strangers she was winning over! So much of me wanted to squelch that. Make quick exits away from people. Until I realized that this little girl has a gift and it is not mine to take away or to dampen. This is who God made her! She brightens people’s day in a way that only she can and that is not just for my enjoyment alone. It is a gift plenty big enough for all she meets!

Children change so often as they grow that sometimes it can feel like waking up to a new person each day. Get excited about it, look forward to learning more about this little person you birthed. You have the “best seat in the house” for this show.

-Anna

Enjoying the Pace of Littles

Embrace the fact that it is going to take you five times longer to do anything you did before having babies. It’s ok, in fact I believe it should be celebrated. I truly believe God designed this pace for mothers. When you embrace it, you will learn how to enjoy it. You will stay stressed and become bitter with your children if you have the mindset that they’re constantly slowing you down.

I (Tori) am a go-getter. I have to constantly have a project (or twelve!). As a new mom I almost felt so “held back” because this little person would not just let me do all the things! As the years have gone by I have both developed a flow so that I am able to have those life-giving projects while still keeping these little at the forefront of my priorities. After all, they are my funnest “project”!

I say all that for the mom who feels like she’s lost herself in motherhood. In many ways you have and that is not at all a bad thing. It is a beautiful, natural part of motherhood the way God designed it. If you feel a bit lost, just know, there are ways to develop a flow for those things that you enjoy. You may just find as your children get older those are the things they will adopt to enjoy as well!

“The more you fight against the season you’re in the less joy you will find in it.”

Embrace the slower pace, the night wakings, the sticky messes and you’ll find beauty in the hard places.

-Anna