This post is a part two of the post How to Enjoy Motherhood in the Little Years. In that post we discussed practical tips for how to enjoy all the different aspects of life with little people. In this post we will dive into practical ways you can adjust your mindset and routine when motherhood is less than enjoyable.
*We are Tori and Anna- moms in the trenches with three babies between us under the age of three. We are not professionals. We are not seasoned mothers. We’re just young moms going through birth, postpartum, and these little years with you, giving our fresh perspective on motherhood as we enjoy the journey ourselves.
1. Adjust Your Mindset for Enjoying Motherhood
Mindset is everything. Don’t think, “Oh no, I have to stop and feed the baby,” think, “I get to stop and feed my baby.” When I (Anna) plan to go out and run errands, I actually plan and alot places for making those little pit stops to care for my baby. It becomes something I look forward to. A chance to pause and rest for a few moments before heading to the next task. If you treat your children like an inconvenience, even accidentally, they will pick up in it. Children feed off of your emotions. They will reflect your attitude back at you.
My little one doesn’t sleep well, and pretty much never has no matter what I’ve tried. He is almost a year old and has never slept without waking multiple times a night. I could choose to be bitter about this and complain, but I chose a different perspective. I chose to see it as “extra” time with him. The years go fast even when the nights are long, so I’ll be grateful for all the nights pacing with a restless baby.
2. Choose to Enjoy the Pace of Motherhood
We discussed this a bit in our previous post (if you haven’t read that yet we highly suggest you read that post as well!). If you are an on the go kind of person it can be hard to just enjoy slowing down at the pace of babies and young children. Even if your personality more laid back it can be aggravating that it takes twice as long (or longer) just to get out the door, get to bed, clean your house, etc.
“The more you fight against the season you’re in the less joy you will find in it.”
Anna
Embrace the slower pace, the night wakings, the sticky messes and you’ll find beauty in the hard places.
Embrace the fact that it is going to take you five times longer to do anything you did before having babies. It’s ok, in fact I believe it should be celebrated. I truly believe God designed this pace for mothers. When you embrace it, you will learn how to enjoy it. You will stay stressed and become bitter with your children if you have the mindset that they’re constantly slowing you down.
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3. Don’t Expect Everything Out of Yourself
We’re all in different seasons. Know what your capacity is for your season. Don’t overload yourself with optional tasks, and end up so stressed out over them that you can’t serve your family well. Learn how to say, “No, I can’t do that right now.”
More tasks are optional than you think. It may not be your season to cook for all of the church dinners, volunteer for nursery, do bus route, go to prayer, be at every ladies meeting, and show up to every birthday party, and football game, all while training littles, managing a home and being there for your husband. It isn’t possible, and you will run yourself into the ground trying to be something for everyone.
Prioritize. For us, this looks like my walk with The Lord, my husbands needs, our child’s needs, and the health of our home (spiritual, physical and emotional), and then church and the ministries at church we are responsible for. This isn’t an excuse to get out of things. When run properly, your home should run cohesively with your local church. You’ll have to learn your balance between ministry and home life. Everyone’s is a little different, but this isn’t an excuse to avoid responsibilities. The Lord expects service in your home and in His house. You just need to learn to operate where He expects you to be and not in others’ expectations.
It’s about serving in a way where each area gets the best of you, not the rest of you.
Anna
4. Keep Your Focus and Priorities Right
This piggy backs off the last point…
Juggling priorities as a wife and mother can be overwhelming. We are creatures of constant motion! When things start to get off balance when it comes to my priorities I generally find my children less enjoyable. They can be doing the same things they always do but when my priorities get out of whack I find their presence interrupting and annoying. Off balance or just slacking in areas does not bring out the best mom in me. I need to constantly check myself to be sure I have my priorities right and that I am able to fulfill them.
Of course my children are one of my top priorities. However, when other things are slacking or being ignored I often find myself trying to get by with the bare minimum as a mom instead of making advancements. This is not fair to my children, nor is it any way to truly enjoy the gift of motherhood.
So how do you overcome this balancing act of priorities? I am still learning! This is what I’ve learned works for me so far…
Keep God first. This is hard with littles constantly demanding to be first place over everything in life. And they definitely should be close to the top of that list! However, I find that when I put God first all the other things find a place in a smoothness I could never create on my own without Him.
Make a list of your top ten priorities in the season you are in right now. Arrange them in order of importance (some things will be close or intertwined in importance but do your best to be honest and realistic). I’m my case the top four to five on the list are truly the most important things. When life gets crazy, as long as I am striving to keep those five plates spinning we call it a win.
Be ready to pivot. Some days things on the priority list have to shift and that has to be okay. It does not mean you failed if some things had to take a backseat. Motherhood is constantly pivoting and regrouping.
5. Remember You Are in a Season
Whatever is not so enjoyable about motherhood right now will quickly be gone. Maybe that helps give you some relief. Maybe that makes you realize that it is not as big of a deal as it seems.
Let me be clear- some seasons of motherhood are not enjoyable. Enjoying motherhood is not about pretending those seasons do not exist but choosing to find joy in the midst of those seasons. It is refusing to focus on the unenjoyable moments and letting them cloud out the beauty in every day, ordinary motherhood.
Tori
It is not wrong of you to feel like motherhood is not enjoyable when you are going through the postpartum blues, or a tough stage of training a toddler, or sickness with a baby. These are hard and they are definitely not enjoyable! But they do pass! And we cannot let these things rob us of the joy and blessing of being a mother.
So whatever hard season you are in right now shift your mindset by remembering- it’s just a season.
6. Take a Deep Breath
Sometimes motherhood is less enjoyable, not because of anything my children are doing, or a specific season but because I am overwhelmed. Maybe lots of things are going on in my mind or I have a lot to get done and just can’t get it together. Regardless of the reason, when I’m being snappy or short with my children I find that going to a quiet place just for a few seconds to take a deep breath grounds me. It brings me back into focus. I breathe a short prayer as well many times. Then I go about my tasks without viewing my children as a constant annoyance.
If I am very overwhelmed, days on end, with minimal relief or I have been experiencing a very difficult season I try to take a few hours to be alone with nothing to do but relax during nap time.
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7. Ask for Help
It does not make you a bad mother to ask for help. Repeat it with me. It does not make you a bad mother to ask for help.
It doesn’t mean you’re unqualified or incapable of being a mother if you ask for help. Everyone needs help with something at some point in their lives. It would be a disservice to your family for you to struggle along, needing help, but not be willing to ask for it. They’ll learn many of their behaviors from you, especially the traits they carry into adulthood. Would you want your child to desperately need help but never ask for it because they thought it’d make them look weak? They’ll learn first from you.
8. Just be Thankful
No matter how rough your season of motherhood is it could always we worse. If you have healthy babies you have more than some mamas do. To have this blessing of motherhood at all is such a gift!
When I find myself in a low place and find motherhood more of a burden than a blessing -and we all do at times- what helps me most is to stop and just be thankful.
Tori
Wherever you’re at remember you used to pray for the things you have now! Those little people are gifts, blessings to cherish and enjoy.
